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AIBU?

Work's Christmas Dinner

32 replies

Meowstro · 01/12/2017 23:52

How late is too late for DH to stay out?

When "only having one" drink
Due to having a screaming baby at home

(Him: How is little one? Me: Still awake (screaming) Him: Oh no.)

Or am I just being resentful considering I felt guilty being out an hour and a half recently?

OP posts:

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SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 01/12/2017 23:53

It's all depends if you felt guilty because he made you feel guilty or because you just didn't feel comfortable being out for long?

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Chrys2017 · 01/12/2017 23:54

I think you're on your own for this evening.
Let him enjoy himself without comment and then you can have a guilt-free night out next time it's your turn.

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Meowstro · 01/12/2017 23:58

@SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Admittedly I said I'd 'pop in for one' but two calls later and disgruntled look when I get back as he can't really handle the baby when crying, I did feel guilty partly because of him.

OP posts:

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cloudchasing · 01/12/2017 23:58

Ah I would say it's just one of those things. Your turn next time.

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Littlelambpeep · 02/12/2017 00:00

It's once year. Book a facial or something and let him enjoy it

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Amaried · 02/12/2017 00:02

It's one evening. Can't believe you want to give him a curfew...
Can only imagine what would happen if my husband did that to me..

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Meowstro · 02/12/2017 00:03

Right I'll suck it up, just expected he'd be home by now since he's driving.

OP posts:

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DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/12/2017 00:06

Sorry op but i brought up a screaming baby every single day by myself, no dh to relieve me. I think if i can survive that then you can manage for tonight.
Dont give him a hard time, let him enjoy it properly and don't be stroppy with him. Its a rare night out, supposed to be fun for him.

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Meowstro · 02/12/2017 00:09

@Amaried I don't and never have. I think the difference in your comparison is that I am expected to stay at home with baby all the time without a thought for my down time - I expected it'd be scarce but not unequal. He'd said he'd be back in earlier, just like my scenario and I am not calling him am I?

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blaaake · 02/12/2017 00:11

Can't believe these responses why should op have to just accept her husband being a selfish dick by going out all night as 'one of those things' when he makes her feel guilty for leaving for an hour and half?

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Meowstro · 02/12/2017 00:13

@DontTouchTheMoustache Totally get that there are single parents out there and know you are right. It's definitely resentment talking, he's gone on this works night out every year but it's the first he's been out late but I guess it's motherhood.

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Chrys2017 · 02/12/2017 00:15

blaaake Because both of them are also entitled to have a night off from the family, and they can facilitate this for one another in a loving way. OP can set a precedent here and then she need never feel guilty again when it's her turn to have a night off.

OP the disgruntled look might have been DH being disgruntled with himself for not handling the situation as well as you would have. However, he will learn and the child won't be any worse for it.

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Myheartbelongsto · 02/12/2017 00:50

How is her husband being a selfish dick!

And he hasn't been gone all night has he.

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TiffanyAtBreakfast · 02/12/2017 01:13

Ahh I feel for you OP, pisses me off when DH does this. Why promise to 'just go for one' when they know full well it won't be one. If your DH had just said from the start that he'd be back late, it still would've sucked to be holding the fort alone with a tiny scream machine, but at least you wouldn't have been clock watching and looking forward to / expecting his imminent return. (Which you were only expecting because of what HE agreed.)

YANBU at all for expecting him to stick to what you agreed like an adult.

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Sayyouwill · 02/12/2017 01:20

Oh for god's sake.
Let's flip this, you lot would be screaming if someone posted that their oh was posting on a public forum, whinging about them having a rare night out. People are allowed!

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ReanimatedSGB · 02/12/2017 01:32

Make sure you get a night out next week. Everyone needs time off.

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blaaake · 02/12/2017 01:32

Never said they both shouldn't be ideally entitled to a night off. But if her husband makes her feel guilty why should he get one?

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blaaake · 02/12/2017 01:36

And actually yes I would consider being gone till at least midnight as basically all night, when you have a baby.

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farangatang · 02/12/2017 02:03

Sounds like you and your DH need to have a conversation about what's acceptable to you both on a 'night out' - what other people do and don't tolerate is frankly irrelevant to your own thoughts/preferences/needs.

Can he really not 'handle' the baby crying OP? He's a parent, too so he had better learn to deal with this - there's plenty more to come! well said Chrys2017

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RavingRoo · 02/12/2017 02:14

You need to talk this out. It was unacceptable for him to cut your night out short, as it would be for you to do the same. Instead let him stay as late as he pleases and remind him afterwards that it will be your turn soon and he has to be as considerate.

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RadioGaGoo · 02/12/2017 04:43

No point in comparisons to single parenting. Completely different situations and dont be made to feel that your concerns are any less valid OP.

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PastaOfMuppets · 02/12/2017 06:30

OP, if my DH sooked and called me til I came home after 90 mins, he would get 90 mins out. What time did he come home? Hand him the baby and tell him not to call on you for help as now you are unavailable until you feel like being available again, and turn your phone to silent.

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BackBoiler · 02/12/2017 06:30

OP is also trying to make her DH feel guiilty - its just not working.

You both need to stop. If one of you is out only contact if it is important!

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abbsisspartacus · 02/12/2017 06:32

Address the crying baby ignore the big baby

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DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 02/12/2017 06:42

Poor man. Don't forget to be "ready" to greet him warmly when he gets home and make him a lovely fry up in the morning to help with his hangover.

Fwiw, I think it's completely normal to feel resentful and vulnerable after having a baby. My DCs are my bestest things ever but becoming a mother places significant emotional/ moral/ financial and logistical restrictions on ones activities in a way that affects fathers less so. I remember feeling the loss of freedom in comparison to sh really sharply (and he hardly ever goes out) so my advice would be to enjoy your baby and be kind to yourself, it'll make it easier to be reasonable with your dh