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AIBU to feel awkward about being asked this?

(41 Posts)
Marissa2727 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:15:01

We have got a meal coming up with lots of DH friends (I know them well too).
All of them have children of their own and/ or are pregnant as well. Every time I see them I always get heavily questioned about when I am going to have a baby of my own.

DH has two children from a previous relationship. We don't want a baby right now for several reasons. I have had a miscarriage in the past and am scared of trying again. Also we don't have a lot of money or time at the moment. We feel that the money and time we do have should be focused on his existing children.

I don't want to go into saying these things when I am asked because they are too personal. But I feel awkward when I am asked these questions and just want to change the conversation. Is this normal or am I being overly sensitive? I'm thinking that as I get asked it so much other people must think it is fine to ask these things.

Namechangetempissue Fri 01-Dec-17 14:19:07

It's the one question I never ask -it is so rude and inappropriate/intrusive and could be very upsetting to the person asked. I'm sure people never ask to be rude and mean no harm, but it is awful.

Bodear Fri 01-Dec-17 14:20:59

They’re being rude and insensitive. I’m sure someone wiser than me will come up with some better suggestions but would you feel comfortable with a head tilt and “that’s quite a personal question, don’t you think?” Or maybe laughing it off with an “oh we’re too busy for the minute!” Personally I go with saying that I much prefer dogs to kids but if you’ve get step children that’s probably not ideal grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 01-Dec-17 14:22:07

YANBU. Its the epitome of rudeness and tactlessness to ask intrusive questions. How do they know its not a very sore subject and that you're not trying.

BenLui Fri 01-Dec-17 14:23:08

No one should ever ask. It’s incredibly rude for a while number of reasons,

Just say “we’re happy as we are just now” and then immediately ask them a subject changing question about their outfit/Work/holiday plans/Kids etc

Marissa2727 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:30:08

Ok thank you, so it's not just me then! Haha @Bodear I love dogs too they are amazing

ShatnersWig Fri 01-Dec-17 14:33:28

Just reply that your rampant, very frequent and very satisfying sex life is none of their business.

FooFighter99 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:33:51

First of all, i'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage flowers that must have been awful sad

Secondly, if people are going to keep asking, you need a blanket response that doesn't invite further questions, like "oh we'll get round to it, when the time is right for us" that should shut them up and stop them from asking.

People were always ask me when I was having another, DD is nearly 6 but I don't want any more children (I have a DSD17 too) so I just tell them straight that I don't want any more!

Try not to let their comments/questions bother you

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Fri 01-Dec-17 14:35:19

Do they always ask? They sound bloody tedious.

Caroelle Fri 01-Dec-17 14:38:31

Turn it round with the question ‘why are you asking?’ It’s rude and thoughtless, I had 3 miscarriages and when asked yet again when I was going to have a baby, I responded that I was still getting over the loss of three babies. I wasn’t asked that again.

KimmySchmidt1 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:41:53

It is rude and insensitive, not to mention old fashioned and backwards!

Just say ' it's private' when they ask and smile / turn away. The thickest should get the hint then.

Marissa2727 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:42:42

@ShatnersWig that's hilarious 😂 but seriously though I don't think I could say that!
@FooFighter99 Thank you, yeah I say things along those lines but they don't seem to get the hint!
@lamagreyhoundhearmeroar pretty much every single time at least one person will ask me 😞! There's one woman in particular who seems to love nothing more than grilling me on it.

Marissa2727 Fri 01-Dec-17 14:45:13

@Caroelle aww that was really brave of you and very rude of them. thanksthanks sorry to hear about your miscarriages

ShatnersWig Fri 01-Dec-17 14:45:43

Marissa I can bet they'll never ask you again if you do. I did it once and they stopped (I'm a childfree man and my ex partner also didn't want children).

MikeUniformMike Fri 01-Dec-17 14:49:21

I would say to her "I do wish you wouldn't keep asking me that" and move away if possible.

nocampinghere Fri 01-Dec-17 15:06:21

don't make a flippant comment - they will just probe deeper / try to "persuade" you or something equally annoying.

either say "it's private" or "why do you keep asking me" or "it's personal"
and make THEM feel uncomfortable for asking. don't fear the silence.

BMW6 Fri 01-Dec-17 15:18:39

I think I would say to the one who keeps asking
"Why do you keep asking this? "

If you can, raise one eyebrow and outstare the bitch.

Marissa2727 Fri 01-Dec-17 16:09:14

Yes I'm going to need to be more firm I think! I'm not very good at doing this in real conversation but will give it a try this time. They don't ask my husband really though, generally just when they've cornered me! I think they just find it strange that I don't have kids. Almost as if they have never met anyone without kids before!

RhiannonOHara Fri 01-Dec-17 16:17:06

If they’re failing to get the hint, you’ll need to be clearer. ‘Well, that’s our business’ in a breezy but firm tone with a smile.

If they still persist: ‘That’s a very personal question; please don’t ask again.’

SilverySurfer Fri 01-Dec-17 16:37:11

I couldn't have children. My family and friends knew but it wasn't something I particularly wanted to share with the whole world. I always responded with 'who knows' and then either shut up or changed the subject. They eventually got the hint. I even practiced on my then DP until I felt comfortable fobbing them off.

Good luck.

amicissimma Fri 01-Dec-17 17:09:53

Depending on how you want to come across:

"I find that question incredibly painful."

"What an intrusive/personal question!"

"I'd have to kill you if I told you."

mussie Fri 01-Dec-17 19:58:27

"Maybe one day" always works for me

Trills Fri 01-Dec-17 19:59:58

"Are you aware that every time you ask that you risk upsetting someone who is trying but not yet pregnant, or who has recently had a miscarriage? You're lucky that it's not me this time but you should be more careful in future".

Trills Fri 01-Dec-17 20:00:50

Alternatively "Nah, babies are boring"

Trills Fri 01-Dec-17 20:01:57

They are wrong about two things:
1 - that having babies is normal/expected/everyone will do it
2 - that you wish to discuss it with them
You can disabuse them of either one of these assumptions.

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