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BFN but didn't want a positive?!

(10 Posts)
sugaredstrawberries Thu 30-Nov-17 21:56:10

This makes no sense so I'll try to keep it brief. Me and DH have a DD who is 5. I am training, at uni, work and am on placement and he works most evenings. Right now is not the right time for a baby although we have decided to adopt in the next couple of years when I (hopefully) have my job and we are in a bigger house (hopefully a child around the same age as DD).

Anyway, I've not felt well for a week, I think it is a stomach bug that's lingering (it's gone around the workplace and DD's School) but had a load of nausea which I have only ever had when pregnant with DD. I have also 'felt' pregnant if that makes sense. I am on the implant and have been on it for 5 years now so the possibility of pregnancy is very low. However, I bought a test to be on the safe side and when it came back negative, I couldn't help but feel sad?! Which makes no sense to me as I know now is not the right time (DH feels the same) and one of the reasons for looking into adoption is because with my DD I had PND. I also have a long medical history of mental health so I did not want to risk having another child and going through the newborn stage again.

Why am I yearning? Why was I down that it was a BFN when I probably would of been down if it was a BFP? Please help me work out my brain shockhmm

sugaredstrawberries Thu 30-Nov-17 22:15:16

Anyone? confused

Salemthecat Thu 30-Nov-17 22:17:48

I get you OP. I’m in similar circumstances with uni, work, etc and know that I just need to wait a few more years but still have a deep yearning for a baby.

I’m 28 and it does feel like some biological clock has started ticking. I don’t really have any advice but you aren’t alone.

WineIsMyMainVice Thu 30-Nov-17 22:21:33

Sorry but no one can work out your brain for you.
Have you talked to your DP about how you felt with the result?
Just because you had PND last time wouldn’t mean you would next time.
Good luck in whatever you decide/happens x

WineIsMyMainVice Thu 30-Nov-17 22:23:20

@Salem - unless you have a medical condition yo really shouldn’t worry that any clock is ticking at the age of 28! Plenty of women have their first more than 10years on from you!

feelslikearockandahardplace Thu 30-Nov-17 22:37:17

I'm not sure why but maybe because you feel rightly or wrongly as though you've lost something?
Just wanted to add PND may not recur so I'm not sure you should base your decision to adopt on this. Also post adoption depression is a real issue, figures of 65% mentioned in some of my reading. Dealing with attachment issues and trauma is not easy and you have a birth child to take into consideration too. If you do decide in the future to go down that route though good luck, it's bloody hard work at times!

sugaredstrawberries Fri 01-Dec-17 08:32:02

Thank you all. Salem I'm glad to know I'm not alone although it is hard isn't it confused best of luck with your journey thanks wine I did tell him last night yes, he couldn't really offer any help as he didn't understand why I felt the way I did regardless of the result! Feelslike thank you and I understand the emotional toll adoption can bring. Just to clarify, I didn't base my decision solely on PND, it was just a factor thanks

PippleBang Fri 01-Dec-17 09:49:46

I do think it's a normal way to feel.

The one time I ever had unprotected sex (other than when I was married to DH and ttc) was with an on/off friends with benefits who was also my boss. I was a student. Really did not want to get pregnant, and I was straight down the pharmacy to get the MAP the next day.

Period was late so I took a test which was negative and I still felt sad about it!

sugaredstrawberries Fri 01-Dec-17 11:29:23

It's so strange isn't it, perhaps it's a maternal/hormonal thing for women....

TIna011tina Tue 05-Dec-17 10:05:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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