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Argument with DH

(31 Posts)
GreenLightMoment Thu 30-Nov-17 19:57:49

First serious incident/argument in years and years. I have name changed for this.
Might be long but hang in there.
My sister in law on DHs side is always asking for favours, taking her kids to school, picking them up, taking her shopping to the super market etc (she doesn't drive), and upto now I'm 35 weeks pregnant, she hasn't once offered to help out with my DS, picking up from school or anything. She starts work earlier than us, her DH is currently unwell so he can't do much but not that he helped out much before hand anyways.
So every Thursday me or DH will get a text asking if we can pick up her child and take him to school as him and our DS are at the same school. Now me and DH both work so going out of our way at 8am can be annoying.
So I said to DH tonight, are you taking ? To school and he said yea I've been asked and i will take him so then me being me I said I'm sick of being asked for favours when no one offers to help us out. He got defensive as its his side of the family and threw his food on the floor and stormed out. And I don't know where he has gone, he has never stormed out in the past.
WIBU?? Fair enough if I was and I just need perspective on the situation.

Msqueen33 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:01:57

What a man child! That’s completely uncalled for behaviour. He could have spoken to you like a grown up. And no you’re not being unreasonable. Yes it’s lovely to help out where you can for friends and family but it’s a two way street and sounds like they’re taking advantage.

Msqueen33 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:02:10

Oh and I hope he comes back and apologies.

MoistCantaloupe Thu 30-Nov-17 20:02:19

he said yea I've been asked, I said I'm sick of being asked for favours when no one offers to help us out. He got defensive and threw his food on the floor and stormed out.

Is this the first time you have brought this up or is it a regular conversation you have? From what you've said here, it sounds like there might be a bit missing as to threw food on the floor and storm out would be a big reaction to that! Is there more?

Littlelambpeep Thu 30-Nov-17 20:02:46

Is her dh sick seriously (cancer or long term?) If so, I would have just helped her no question

It is annoying and selfish not to get help. Fil law is sick and my dh uses every free day to take him to appointments despite four siblings. But that is his good nature.

MoistCantaloupe Thu 30-Nov-17 20:02:59

Oh, and if that is literally it, of course he is BU

DownstairsMixUp Thu 30-Nov-17 20:03:09

He sounds ridiculous and I wouldn't do any more favours for your sil and consider having a serious talk about your dh behaving like a toddler, you don't need a third child to deal with.

Ttbb Thu 30-Nov-17 20:04:35

So everything was sort of ok until he threw his food and the floor and disappeared-even my toddlers don't do that!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:04:42

He shouldn't have stormed off.

But is picking up dn and taking him to the same school on a Thursday a huge deal?

RibenaMonsoon Thu 30-Nov-17 20:05:32

He threw his food on the floor? From what you've said that sounds very childish of him. I'd leave the food for him to pick up. Don't clean it for him.

Have a nice early night, a nice bath and go to bed. He will soon realise he's acted like a petulant child when he gets in and sees his dinner still on the floor.

GreenLightMoment Thu 30-Nov-17 20:05:56

Well between me saying that and him throwing the food we argued a little. We have spoke about it before and he agrees she asks for a lot of favours. Her DH recently had a knee operation so is limited to what he can do

GreenLightMoment Thu 30-Nov-17 20:06:36

Yes, dinner is staying on the floor and I'm in bed.

GreenLightMoment Thu 30-Nov-17 20:08:23

No it's not a big deal to take DN to school but when we are literally NEVER asked to be helped out it gets a little bit annoying, especially with being pregnant It would be nice to be offered the help

Mumof56 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:08:59

he said yea I've been asked, I said I'm sick of being asked for favours when no one offers to help us out

But you weren't asked for a favour, he was hmm

BenLui Thu 30-Nov-17 20:13:24

Why doesn’t she drive?

Is there no other way to get the child to school? Walk/cycle/bus etc.

People put up with stuff from their own family that they wouldn’t from anyone else.

A standing arrangement to help his sister out on a Thursday is probably fine as long as your DH doesn’t mind and it doesn’t inconvenience you.

Once everyone has calmed down talk it through with your DH and agree where your lines are.

Families do help each other out. It’s annoyingly if you feel it’s all one way but it’s not a bad thing that he wants to help her out.

You’d want your D.C. to do favours for each other as adults too wouldn’t you?

redexpat Thu 30-Nov-17 20:14:17

Bit you say that your SIL is always asking for favours, but no one offers to help you. Why dont you ask for help? It doesnt sound as if anyone offers help to her but she proactively seeks help.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 30-Nov-17 20:19:04

She asks. You want to have offers. If you want help, can't you ask?

You can refuse, but not on your DH's account. Him throwing the food was a massive overreaction unless there is a chunk of communication missing between what you said and what he said!

AGunn86 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:19:49

YA both BU. Him for throwing food on the floor and you for arguing about it. If he doesn't mind doing the favour what's it to you? He's the one inconvenienced. If you want a favour, ask for it like your SIL does. Why expect anyone to offer? If she did no body would offer so she asks.

If your Dh later complains about doing the favour, that's his fault and talk about it. If he's not too bothered and only agrees with your moaning then it's up to him.

letsdolunch321 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:20:30

Good for you leaving the dinner on the floor, let him clear it up what a total prick.

If they want favours from you in future pass all request on to your DH as he is happy to help them

They sound right piss takers

Julie8008 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:27:27

Have you ever actually asked them for any help?

GabriellaMontez Thu 30-Nov-17 20:36:39

He threw his food on the floor??

That's disgusting.

The business of favours etc is certainly a discussion to have but I just can't get over the tantrum. Is this a one off?

sizenines Thu 30-Nov-17 20:38:29

Him losing his rag so quickly says to me that there is something going on behind the scenes that you have not been party to, OP.

Are his family briefing against you, and is he 'sick' of having to 'defend' you to them? This has the hallmarks of something like that.

You have a hornet's (SIL one of them) nest that you need to find here, I think.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert Thu 30-Nov-17 20:42:52

I do hope you did NOT clean up his food. What a moron.

So because it’s his family they can take the piss can they?

Ethylred Thu 30-Nov-17 20:47:25

"Well between me saying that and him throwing the food we argued a little. "

Tell us about the little argument.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 30-Nov-17 20:52:10

Start asking her for favours too.

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