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AIBU to think that it is difficult to have a new relationship after divorce?

(7 Posts)
SuspiciouslyMinded Thu 30-Nov-17 19:41:07

I’m freshly divorced (after 15 years, due to ex-husband’s infidelity), 45, attractive but not stunning, with three school-age children who are living with me (we have a regular contact with my ex who remains involved in childcare). Although at the moment I am not even considering a new relationship - I am really enjoying the freedom and independence, and the whole divorce experience has rendered me quite asexual (temporarily I hope) - I wonder what the future might hold for me, and I would love to hear from people who have been through similar.

I personally can’t see how a new relationship might work - especially the idea of introducing someone into my children’s lives seems completely wrong.

At the same time, the clock is ticking, and I’ve become very aware of passing time and all that - very mid-life-crisis thoughts - which just makes me want to have fun while I can! I’ve only ever slept with two men in my life - my first boyfriend and my ex - and have occasionally regretted having been so uptight in my 20s. I’ve never been into one night stands and fleeting relationships, but perhaps now’s the time to be a bit more adventurous?

It seems to me that in my situation having any relationship - long-term or not - would be really difficult. AIBU? How has it worked for others?

MissConductUS Thu 30-Nov-17 19:45:42

I think it would be very challenging at this stage but not impossible. I would wait until you meet someone you really fancy or feel more motivated to pursue it. Sex for it's own sake tends to be pretty empty, at least for me.

Notevilstepmother Thu 30-Nov-17 21:19:41

Give it time.

As for the children, as long as it’s someone nice it’s fine. I love my DSD very much, and I know her stepdad does too. She has 4 adults looking out for her, instead of 2 and extra step grandparents and cousins and aunties etc. Blended families are not unusual these days.

Allthetuppences Thu 30-Nov-17 21:30:14

I am remarried following divorce. I was a bit younger.
The dating bit was lots of fun, when I was ready, but none of them were introduced to my children. It was only when I realised I didn't want to be casual if I dated a dear friend who was attracted to me (and vice versa). The children vaguely knew him. We still dated for some time before deliberately spending a day trip all together (after 9 months). We then dated more with occaisional lunches and medtings with other friends. About a year after that we got engaged and started talking about all living together. We all looked at houses etc.

Allthetuppences Thu 30-Nov-17 21:31:50

Then we moved in, married. The dc love their step dad are will soon have a step mum too.

Ellisandra Thu 30-Nov-17 21:45:19

The best part of a new relationship is the child free dating!
There's no rush to introduce a boyfriend - of course because that's wrong for the kids, but also because - who they hell wants to?!
Get out there (when you're ready) and enjoy yourself!

My 9yo was indignant the other day when she found out I'd dated someone for 4 months and she didn't even know shockgrin

She adores her stepfather (and stepmother).

In preparation for when you're ready, make sure your XH is doing a fair share of the overnights.

I agree about sex for the sake of it being quite empty. I've no moral obligation and certainly did thar in my 20s. But overall, I find the sex quite rubbish - it takes time and genuine interest to work out how to get me going wink so I prefer committed relationships.

But if you want casual, that's fine!

Dozer Thu 30-Nov-17 21:49:21

Money must be an issue with dating, especially for those whose ex’s rarely have the DC overnight.

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