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To think I’ve been spoilt?

(53 Posts)
Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 18:53:56

My parents had me late in life. They had a lot of miscarriages and one baby died.

In many ways they were awful to me but they were financially generous - very generous.

I don’t know why I’m posting except I still in my 30s find it hard/impossible to take any responsibility for anything. I’m supposedly intelligent but money runs through my fingers and my husband must be at the end of my tether.

Aibu to think I’ve been spoilt and it it possible to change? blush

MissionItsPossible Thu 30-Nov-17 19:01:54

If your money is running through your fingers then the very generous finances they gave to you will soon run out very fast. Whether it's possible to change depends on how willing you are and how real this post is.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 30-Nov-17 19:02:08

Of course it’s possible to change. You’re the only one who can do it though.

You’re a grown woman, an adult, it’s up to you to learn to be responsible.

I don’t mean to sound harsh but it really is up to you and you can start by making small changes that’ll then make you feel good about yourself and your decision making abilities and you’ll want to do it more.

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:06:45

It’s not harsh. It’s what I need to hear.

Maybe I am being unkind blaming my parents. I just can’t understand why I (supposedly intelligent) make so many ridiculous choices.

thelastredwinegum Thu 30-Nov-17 19:07:44

If money slips through your fingers do you think budgeting would help?
You could start a challenge to have X no spend days a month.
The money saving expert forums are a good place to read through.

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:08:24

I get scared of going on them as I’d have to be honest about how bad I am and so many posters on there seem to have a good grip on their finances.

thelastredwinegum Thu 30-Nov-17 19:12:13

I don't post but I read. I'm not great with money but I'm trying very hard to get better - I think my problem is there wasn't a lot growing up so now I buy stuff because I can blush

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:14:33

It’s been mentioned as a possibility that I might have bipolar but then I wonder if I’m just trying to make excuses

Believeitornot Thu 30-Nov-17 19:15:35

Money runs through my fingers but we had no money growing up.... I’m not sure it’s fair to blame your parents.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 30-Nov-17 19:16:27

Can you ask your husband to help? With budgeting, not paying for things I mean.

Sorry your parents weren’t nice. Teaching your children how to look after money is so much more valuable than showering them with cash.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats Thu 30-Nov-17 19:16:48

Just get a grip and stop spending cash unnessecarily it's not hard. When you are going to buy something think do I actually NEED this. If the answers nope just put it down. If the answers no I just WANT it then consider how much you want it, is it something you have wanted a long time and will make use of. If not then put it back. And also consider if you can afford it.

You could also leave your cards at home or with your husband and give yourself a weekly allowance to spend on whatever and once it's gone it's gone, if the above doesn't work.

RefuseTheLies Thu 30-Nov-17 19:20:10

I am terrible with money. Utterly dreadful. It has been pointed out to me that my compulsive spending is a maladaptive coping mechanism. If the same applies to you, don’t beat yourself up too much about it, but do seek help.

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:21:14

Fucksake I’ve tried all that. The problem is because I’ve got into debt in the past I end up borrowing off myself, robbing Peter to pay Paul kind of thing.

I know it’s ridiculous.

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:21:33

What is a maladaptive coping mechanism?

thelastredwinegum Thu 30-Nov-17 19:23:25

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:26:17

Problem is that’s all common sense but I am starting to question if I have any

sizenines Thu 30-Nov-17 19:30:25

Are you talking about yourself or someone else? You seem to have little insight into the issue, which may be why you are asking but if you have got to your 30s and it's all still a mystery that's odd. hmm

thelastredwinegum Thu 30-Nov-17 19:31:18

Do you actually want to do something about it or just feel like you should?

If you do, start with an honest spending diary seeing it down in writing can be an eye opener.

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:31:39

Is it odd?

I don’t know. I know I make promises to myself and then act on impulse and justify it to myself and then regret it but force myself not to think about it.

I know I’m not happy.

I kno I’m trying to buy things that aren’t for sale.

I don’t know how to stop.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Thu 30-Nov-17 19:33:42

You've said in many ways they were awful to me. Did they maybe use money or gifts to demonstrate love? If so it's possible you still subconsciously make that connection and spend money when you feel down or stressed.

As others have said only you can change it. Don't be afraid of getting advice, be it on a forum or in rl. They're strangers, they're unlikely to be judging you anyway but even if they were they're not actually part of your life are they?

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:34:38

I think that’s so true CantSleep

They would hit me and then buy me things hmm

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:35:19

The thing is I don’t mind being judged exactly but I need to be helped. It’s pointless asking for help and just being met with scorn and judgement.

TinklyLittleLaugh Thu 30-Nov-17 19:37:31

In what ways are you rubbish with money? Do you have poor impulse control? Buy things to make you feel better? Behave over generously to friends? Gamble? Different strategies will help different problems.

FlowerPot1234 Thu 30-Nov-17 19:38:02

How do you think you could stop buying things that get you into debt?

Floralmeadows Thu 30-Nov-17 19:38:14

All the above, apart from gambling, never done that.

Sometimes it’s like I’m trying to buy the life I want.

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