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To think MIL is making my child ill somehow?!

(156 Posts)
Timeforanamochango Thu 30-Nov-17 17:49:09

Once a week my DD is looked after by MIL at our house while We work, the other days are all preschool/us. I’m very greatful for the childcare she provides before I’m blasted as ungreatful!

MIL always has her on a Thursday until 2.30. Every Thursday afternoon/evening for the last 5 weeks she’s had a horrendous tummy ache/diarrhoea/usually up at night in pain with her tummy.

I’ve asked MIL what she’s feeding her and it’s all normal stuff that she has regularly. MIL insists she’s not feeding her crap all day (which I do believe as she can only really feed her what’s in the house and we don’t have a lot of crap in)

AIBU to think this can’t be a coincidence? What could be causing this? DP says it must be completely unrelated to MIL and I’m just saying it’s to do with her because I don’t like her! She’s never ill on any other day and is always recovered by the Friday evening (my day off with her!)

LostInShoebiz Thu 30-Nov-17 17:50:18

Hygiene rather than the food itself?

NoStraightEdges Thu 30-Nov-17 17:51:57

Do you dislike her?

bastardkitty Thu 30-Nov-17 17:52:00

Send a food diary. Say you've seen the doctor and it must be absolutely accurately completed. It could be hygiene. Have you said your DD has been ill every week after going there?

bastardkitty Thu 30-Nov-17 17:52:50

Do you dislike her? < get real. OP can't ignore this.

Oly5 Thu 30-Nov-17 17:53:16

Hygiene... or just that she finds the experience stressful and it plays havoc with her stomach? Not much you can do if you want the childcare. I doubt your mil is hurting her own grandchild!

RebelRogue Thu 30-Nov-17 17:53:47

It's odd.

Is it possible she brings something in that DD reacts badly to? Does your DD have any intolerances?

Timeforanamochango Thu 30-Nov-17 17:54:40

I thought hygiene but it’s all done in our house and although I’m lax the whole kitchen is cleaned on a Wednesday thoroughly so I’m not sure if it could be?

Yes I do dislike her, not enough to think she’s deliberatly poisoning my daughter but it’s hard to see it as coincidence...

whiskyowl Thu 30-Nov-17 17:56:45

God, what a tricky one.

Two possibilities: this is stress-induced, or your MIL is feeding her something to which she is allergic. (The hygiene thing doesn't make sense - she wouldn't be so regularly, predictably ill).

I think you have to raise it with her, as gently as you can, and ask her to write down absolutely everything that goes into your DD's mouth!!

mumtomaxwell Thu 30-Nov-17 17:56:51

This might sound odd but does your DD have allergies? My DS has a peanut allergy and during the course of testing/diagnosis we were given a booklet about nut allergies and where allergens could be found. It turns out there are nut oils in all kinds of cosmetics/creams etc. So if your MIL is wearing something your DD is allergic to it could have that effect on her. My son’s reaction is always gastrointestinal rather than anaphylactic, and he recovers after a few hours.

notsohippychick Thu 30-Nov-17 17:58:36

How strange?!!

Any cats or dogs? Litter trays? Sounds weird but you never know! Xxx

TabbyMumz Thu 30-Nov-17 17:59:02

Perhaps giving her sweets or coca cola? Some fizzy drinks give my son a bad tummy.

GreatDuckCookery Thu 30-Nov-17 18:00:35

That is weird. Could she be giving her lots of chocolate or sweets?

BertieBotts Thu 30-Nov-17 18:00:40

DS used to get this when he went to stay with his Dad. He'd be up all night vomiting. Ex was (understandably I suppose) quite hostile when I asked about what he'd been eating and I suppose he could have been filling him full of sweets, but TBH DS has eaten lots of sweets at other times and never reacted like this. At the time he was too little to ask himself and it used to really upset me.

I wondered if it was a stress/anxiety thing - could that be possible?

magpiemischief Thu 30-Nov-17 18:01:27

Sounds a bit sneaky but you could set up a webcam (don't say anything about it). It might help you get to the bottom of the problem. Then if you spot something you have to decide what to do.

The cosmetics / skin care creams containing nuts also sounds feasible.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Thu 30-Nov-17 18:02:07

If your intuition is telling you something is off, I think you need to listen to it. Does she have to go to your MILs? Do you have any other childcare options?

NerrSnerr Thu 30-Nov-17 18:02:21

It could be something you wouldn’t expect. My daughter used to be like this with bananas. Does she make a different kind of lunch then you would (for example she might make salads or soup and you make sandwiches?).

I think I’d say that the GP has asked for a strict food diary.

Ttbb Thu 30-Nov-17 18:02:28

Is she maybe giving her something that is in the house but that you wouldn't regularly give her like tea or curry powder? Another possibility may be that she is giving your DD way too much of something. I would just suggest you keep a food diary for a couple of weeks and ask your mil to fill out on the days she has your DD?

LIZS Thu 30-Nov-17 18:02:33

Is it same brands she is using, or perhaps different milk, drinks with sweeteners (such as squash), wholemeal instead of white or vice versa. Could you provide food for a week or two to see if it makes a difference.

Schlimbesserung Thu 30-Nov-17 18:04:50

how old is your daughter? When my nephew was little, he used to react quite badly to Heinz chocolate pudding baby food. My mother gave it to him because he loved it, but it gave him the terrible shits. Could it be something similar, which she is giving as a "treat"?

Notonthestairs Thu 30-Nov-17 18:04:51

What/where else does she eat on that day - i.e. Does she have lunch at nursery and if so what is it?

JellyBabiesSaveLives Thu 30-Nov-17 18:06:17

Do not secretly webcam your MIL. Start from the position that your MIL loves your dd too. Discuss it with her. Say it happens regularly every Thursday and we need to track down what it is. Talk about creams, food diaries, excitement ...

What happens when MIL visits for the day at the weekend and you are there too? If that doesn't trigger it, it's not creams etc.

Chathamhouserules Thu 30-Nov-17 18:07:04

Definitely ask for a food diary and say the gp asked for it.

Oysterbabe Thu 30-Nov-17 18:07:31

Maybe MIL brings treats with her?

DailyMailReadersAreThick Thu 30-Nov-17 18:10:30

Do not secretly webcam your MIL. Start from the position that your MIL loves your dd too. Discuss it with her. Say it happens regularly every Thursday and we need to track down what it is. Talk about creams, food diaries, excitement ...


Reminds me of a period where I would be ill (shivery, fever) every single evening whenever I had a meeting with a certain colleague. It went on for weeks, and I only noticed the pattern because I disliked him. Obviously it was total coincidence, but it was really odd!

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