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Selfish DH AIBU

(172 Posts)
Nefney14 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:37:02

First time poster but long time lurker

I absolutely know I'm not being unreasonable about his selfishness but AIBU to seriously consider leaving DH fairly soon into our marriage over these issues?

Sorry it might be quite long but I'll try to be to the point.

DH is a selfish person by nature and will not do anything for anyone if it means putting himself out in anyway and this includes me examples of this are
Refusing to walk an extra 3 minutes (google mapped to prove a point!) when he was already out to get household essentials because he wasn't already going to the shop.

I got sent home from work for being sick and instead of letting me rest he used the time to have some time on his computer and have a sleep while I ran around after DC he point blank refused to change a nappy and then went to town leaving me home alone with DC despite me telling him I didn't feel well enough.

I can not leave the house without DC ever while in contrast he will never let me have any free time to the extent that if I want to bath while the DC are awake I have to take one with me.

We work opposite shifts with me working more hours but I still do the lion share of housework he'll do day to day things washing up etc but any extra duties are my responsibilities and he refuses to ever discuss this.

I was out for lunch with my friend where he worked and he came down to say hi before going into town I asked him to take DC as I was trying to eat with him on my lap and he refused.

I am absolutely exhausted I work 12 hour shifts in a very physically and mentally demanding position I've begged and pleaded for him to either take on more house duties or for me to cut my hours and him pick up more so that we're working more even (he'd be working 30 me 24 compared to me 36 and him 18-24) but he refused because he thinks he'll be more tired.

I had a really hard shift and I asked him to run me a bath while I was walking home because I was achy he refused because I don't run him a bath every night which is true but if he was to phone me and ask me to run him a bath after a hard shift I wouldn't even think twice.

I walk in from a 12 hour shift to my house a state and he often expects me to start with household tasks such as making DC's lunch even tho he's been home all day.

He convinced me not to spend last Christmas with my family and to spend it at home just us and then went to his friends after the DC went to bed leaving me home alone.

He is an absolute vile person when we argue especially if he's been drinking. I had a very abusive childhood and am NC with my mum when he's angry he tells me I'm just like my mum, or calls me her name and says the DC are going to grow up to hate me.

I know they're not the best examples because it's really hard to explain but he literally will not do anything to make my life easier ever. I haven't had a moment away from DC since August I'm exhausted and I honestly feel miserable at the thought of spending the rest of my life with Someone who obviously cares so little about me and im starting to get really embarrassed my friends and family are starting to comment about how selfish he is and I don't have anything to say to defend him.
So AIBU? Would you end your marriage over this?

AlistairSim Wed 29-Nov-17 20:39:39

I would, yes.
He sounds hideous and I expect your life would be much easier without him.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Wed 29-Nov-17 20:39:45

YANBU - I would definitely end my marriage.

toriatoriatoria Wed 29-Nov-17 20:39:53

I would end things with that behaviour.

SeaCabbage Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:03

In answer to your question, yes I would leave a marriage over this.

Do you think he would have the kids though, ever?

TowerRavenSeven Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:06

Yanbu. I have to ask why you married him in the first place.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:13

YANBU. He sounds like an utter utter waste of space.

Insomnibrat Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:33

Christ OP I don't know why you even married him in the first place!

Onlymeeeeee Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:34


petalsandstars Wed 29-Nov-17 20:40:57

I’d end it with not even half your examples, you’d be better off without him

Quartz2208 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:41:35

Yes defintely you would be much better without him

Mittens1969 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:42:51

YADNBU, OP, he sounds vile! I can't understand why you married him either.

positivity123 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:44:02

Leave him. He sounds really unkind.

Ellie56 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:44:14

He sounds a complete wanker and waste of space. You would be much happier on your own.

JassyRadlett Wed 29-Nov-17 20:44:32

Christ, he sounds awful. I’d end it for about half of what you’ve described. You poor thing, what a horrible situation you’re in. It sounds like there are no downsides to leaving him, and big positives.

Somethingfantastic89 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:44:46

Yes I would leave.

ApocalypseNowt Wed 29-Nov-17 20:45:35

You've explained perfectly well. He sounds hideous and you sound trampled down by him.

I don't think I've ever seriously told someone to LTB but I'm 100% sure you would be better off without him.

Candlelight234 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:46:05

He sounds like an awful selfish person, this is my first ever LTB flowers

AnyFucker Wed 29-Nov-17 20:46:20

Acknowledge your mistake in marrying him and put an end to this farce

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:06

You asked AIBU to seriously consider leaving DH fairly soon into our marriage over these issues?


You would be unreasonable to stay for years with these issues then leave. Cut your losses. There's no way staying together can end well is there?

gingergenius Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:14

Yes. Absolutely.

Love51 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:36

Yes. It sounds like he is abusive.
In my world if you love someone, you are kind to them. He isn't kind to you.

Annelind Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:15

shock Words fail me....except for "leave"

LizzieSiddal Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:28

sad you deserve a lot better than this. He’s horrible.

WashingMatilda Wed 29-Nov-17 20:48:28

Nefney that sounds awful flowers

It sounds like no life at all. You and your DC deserve so much more. What a dick.

Please do your future self a favour and leave.

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