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To not want DC (10) to do holiday transfer in different vehicle to me.

(91 Posts)
freshstart24 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:16:19

Posting quickly as I'm about to spend the evening with some of the people concerned.....

I'm going skiing with friends and family in Feb. SIL is organising. There will be 25 of us in self catered chalet. I have one child DS who will be 10, there are six other kids all aged between 15&18.

SIL wants her her brother (my DH) and I to do a huge grocery shop in a hired van as part of our transfer.

She asked me to send DS on the minibus transfer with all the others without DH or I. DS knows the other adults vaguely, and he knows the kids a bit too. He is quite shy of the other adults, it's a hair raising 90 min transfer followed by a scramble for bags and rooms.

DS is shy of the adults who would be with him. He is in awe of the older kids but they understandably find him boring and too young so they only interact with him minimally.

I initially said I'd send him without me on the transfer but then realised I felt extremely uncomfortable about it and have asked that either he joins us at the supermarket, or that I or DH go with him on the bus.

I'm already feeling unpopular, difficult and uncomfortable after making this request. I'm now worried I'm being PFB about it all.

DH is not DS' dad. Probably not relevant but didn't want to drip feed.


Llanali Wed 29-Nov-17 18:22:33

Hmm given that this is a family trip with related adults, to and from a known destination with no additional stops/changes of mode of transport then I absolutely would send a 10 year old without me or DH.

I think it’s a bit PFB, under these circumstances.

Hassled Wed 29-Nov-17 18:23:15

No, stick to your guns. It's a strange environment after some travel time - you want your boy with you, and that's fair enough. If he knew the other adults and kids well that'd be different - but it sounds like it'll be quite unsettling for him. Don't feel you have to follow The Plan if you're not comfortable - it's a holiday for all of you, you've presumably paid for your share of it and so it's reasonable to expect a few accommodations.

Codlet Wed 29-Nov-17 18:25:52

I would be ok with my 10yo doing this, but you know your DS best. What’s the problem with him coming to the supermarket with you? I can’t see how that would inconvenience anyone else?

freshstart24 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:28:59

Yes I've paid the same as everyone else. The family and friends are all in DH side , DS does not know them well. We see the friends once a year for this holiday, so we've met them three times before.

All of the other parents' children are older than mine so I'm feeling like maybe someone else could go rather than both DH and I.

MarmaladeIsMyJam Wed 29-Nov-17 18:30:50

Why can’t he just come with you? Why do they have a problem with that?

Whinesalot Wed 29-Nov-17 18:32:32

I thinks it's perfectly ok to say he'll go to the supermarket with you. How come you've drawn the short straw for the shopping?

freshstart24 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:32:55

He can come with me. It's just caused eye rolling. Plus I'm unsure why the parent with the youngest child has to do the mammoth shop after a 3.30am start if I'm absolutely honest. However, I'll suck that one up as kind as DS can come.

Whinesalot Wed 29-Nov-17 18:33:50

Ignore th eyeballing. My Dc wouldn't have been comfortable in that situation.

SilverDragonfly1 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:34:03

No, don't do that. You'll end up forgetting him and he'll have to book himself into a hotel and have all sorts of wacky, expensive adventures.

Leeds2 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:34:41

I would want DS with me too.

freshstart24 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:35:10

Think I've got the short straw because I'm usually compliant and easy going. Maybe too much so....

Cakesprinkles Wed 29-Nov-17 18:39:37

If it were immediate family that he was really close to then I wouldn’t see a problem, but there’s no way I’d send Ds with people he wasn’t 100% confident and comfortable with. Stick to your guns.

clarrylove Wed 29-Nov-17 18:40:12

Have I got this right that he's been on holiday with them 3 times before? I think he'll be fine on the mini bus.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Wed 29-Nov-17 19:14:24

If say as there is going to be a scramble for rooms you'll all go to the chalet then whomever wants to do the shop can do so. Otherwise you'll be buying everything and end up with the smallest crappiest rooms!

Jigglytuff Wed 29-Nov-17 19:18:32

Why are you doing a huge grocery shop if you're going to a catered chalet?

FitBitFanClub Wed 29-Nov-17 19:20:48

She said it was self-catered.

ThePinkOcelot Wed 29-Nov-17 19:21:11

I was thinking the same as Zigzag!

FitBitFanClub Wed 29-Nov-17 19:21:42

If you're getting lumbered with a grocery shop en route, then I'd suggest to them that rooms aren't allocated until you've all arrived.

Amanduh Wed 29-Nov-17 19:21:47

Op said self catered...

Jigglytuff Wed 29-Nov-17 19:30:13

Sorry - missed 'self'

Yes I would be very careful of getting the shit room.

I think you're being a bit precious though. Either your DS goes with everyone else or he comes with you to do the shop. You can't have it both ways!

Would I be right in thinking you're not really looking forward to this holiday?

timeisnotaline Wed 29-Nov-17 19:34:43

Are rooms allocated? I wouldn't agree to do the shop if that's how it works and you'd get the shit room. I guess you know the place- is there a shit room and will they be allocated?

SueSueDonahue Wed 29-Nov-17 19:40:58

1) in emails, organise which rooms people are having based on the floor plan. Have it all set up now.

2) keep your DS with you on the bus

3) someone else can go shopping with your DH (or someone else instead of both of you!)

4) make sure all finances for who pays for shopping is all set up and organised now.

5) in fact, just double check all arrangements that make an impact for you both and your DS. Plan ski school, transfers, etc. From their eye rolling and the fact you are so easy going, this could end badly.

kinkajoukid Wed 29-Nov-17 20:01:08

I would also keep him with you. It would be easy for him to get left out and plus he might be really tired. Get your DH to also say this to SIL so he gets the eye rolling too.

Yes, do make sure they don't give you the shit room when you've been kind enough to do all the shopping!!

Jigglytuff Wed 29-Nov-17 20:09:53

Yes that's what you should do! You and DS go on the mini bus and your DH and his sister can go and do the shop together.

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