To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

[ChristmasCookieMonster]

The women you have described are definitely trying to go with the 'ladylike', dainty vibe

I'm in my twenties and have dessert if I want dessert

[TroelsLovesSquinkies]

I'm in my 50's you can keep the starters I'd rather have a pudding.

[TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain]

Oh dear I always have dessert mind you I’m not social

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Er, yes. YABU!

I can't cope with a three course meal and I'm a healthy, sturdy size 12, nothing dainty about me! I just handle that much food in one go, I hate feeling like I've over eaten, just find it really uncomfortable. And I don't like ordering 3 courses as I'll inevitably leave half the pudding and it's just a waste.

Why so judgey?

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

Why do you not believe they really don't want dessert? I can't usually fit it in. Which sometimes is a pity if it looks nice, but there you go.
Nothing to do with thinking women should have delicate appetites. Everyone else can eat what they like.
I think you are projecting.

[theymademejoin]

I used to always have dessert but less so now. The main reason is that it is so often disappointing, particularly when you're on a set menu. If I'm eating out, I want something better than I'd make myself but rarely get it as I'm a really good baker (an out and out, rather then stealth, boast).

[MrsJayy]

I don't like puddings much it is nothing to do with being lady like or whatever but i struggle withset menus choosing a pudding

[ILoveMillhousesDad]

The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

And that's not judgy at all.

I'm a size 14/16 and I don't have a sweet tooth, so would never have a pudding.

Fuck all smug about it. I would have starter and main as that would be enough.

[SloeSloeQuickQuickGin]

Some of us dont shovel and guzzle.

[PinkHeart5914]

I can’t remember the last time I went for a meal and didn’t have dessert....

I’ve a friend that everytime doesn’t order dessert and sits there dribbling saying oh x is that nice, it looks nice but she would never order dessert she’s an adult so why doesn’t she just eat what she wants

[Chipsahoy]

I cant manage more than one course. I'm a size 8 and pretty teeny. I'm not a size 8 cos I don't eat the dessert, I physically couldn't eat more. I'd be sick. So we have dessert later normally. I detest feeling full and bloated, nothing to do with looking dainty. I couldn't care less if someone wants three course, I'm not judging, simply listening to my body.

[kaytee87]

I could never eat a 3 course lunch unless it was sitting over hours. Tbh I'd struggle with a 2 course lunch and I'm not dainty or skinny, I'm a slightly over weight size 12. It's nothing to do with being lady like and I would be able to manage a dessert later, just not straight after something else.

Your tone about the '20 stone' lady sounds really nasty tbh.

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

I know my appetite and can't usually finish a 3 course meal. I'm not trying to be dainty.

[Oysterbabe]

Some people just can't eat a lot. Others like to make a big show of it and probably make themselves a slice of toast when they get home. I have a friend who is very overweight and whenever we eat out she takes an age delicately nibbling away at small amounts of food then insists she's stuffed. I'm just not buying it.

[ohdo]

I'm a size 10/12 and don't often eat pudding because I'm such a greedy cunt with starters and main that I never actually have enough physical room for it. Nothing dainty about that.

HTH.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

I don’t like having a starter or desserts when eating out, just give me plenty of the main! I find desserts in a restaurant too sickly and lies heavy, especially since there’s not much of a break between courses. I’d rather leave it and have a slice of cake when I got home, in all honesty.

[Fozzleyplum]

If they really are smug and "mock horrified" at the prospect of anyone eating pudding, then YANBU. However, I have never encountered anyone who would behave in such a crass way. I wonder whether you might be projecting a little.

I generally don't eat puddings if I'm out for dinner, because I genuinely don't have the appetite to cope with and enjoy several courses and I'm not very bothered about sweet things. I have noticed that, occasionally, other women pick up on this and seem to take it as a personal affront to them. On the rare occasions that it's commented on, it's usually by women who are weight conscious themselves, but are "treating" themselves and seem to see abstinence in others as implied criticism.

[Allthetuppences]

I am a proper fatty due to stuffing my face in my younger days. Recently i have found my metabolism or apetite are very different and I could certainly not manage a 3 course meal. So thanks for your assumptions there.

[TheFaerieQueene]

So in one post you have been a misogynist, ageist and fat shaming OP.

Aren’t you a peach. (I see the irony).

[AgentProvocateur]

I don’t really like puddings, and there’s rarely cheese on three-course festive menus. Maybe they just don’t want to admit to not liking puddings because nobody ever believes you!!

[TaylorTinker]

I'll often pass on sweets / desserts now, I'm less hungry than I used to be plus I don't have quite so much of a sweet tooth.

[mummyretired]

I eat a restaurant pudding if it's a set three-course meal because I've paid for it, but not in any other circumstances. Not smug about that (quite capable of eating a packet of biscuits in one go) but brought up in the era of home-made puddings that make the usual restaurant offering of frozen cheesecake or cheap apple pie with watery custard very unappetising.

[MrsJayy]

I have friends who like a pudding and say all sorts if i don''t have a pudding It is very odd they act like I am trying to make them feel guilty or something