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To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

(374 Posts)
Tobythecat Wed 29-Nov-17 13:28:54

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal grin

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

ChristmasCookieMonster Wed 29-Nov-17 13:31:25

The women you have described are definitely trying to go with the 'ladylike', dainty vibegrin

I'm in my twenties and have dessert if I want dessertcake

TroelsLovesSquinkies Wed 29-Nov-17 13:32:53

I'm in my 50's you can keep the starters I'd rather have a pudding.

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain Wed 29-Nov-17 13:33:25

Oh dear I always have dessert blush mind you I’m not social

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 29-Nov-17 13:33:40

Er, yes. YABU!

I can't cope with a three course meal and I'm a healthy, sturdy size 12, nothing dainty about me! I just handle that much food in one go, I hate feeling like I've over eaten, just find it really uncomfortable. And I don't like ordering 3 courses as I'll inevitably leave half the pudding and it's just a waste.

Why so judgey?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Wed 29-Nov-17 13:34:25

Why do you not believe they really don't want dessert? I can't usually fit it in. Which sometimes is a pity if it looks nice, but there you go.
Nothing to do with thinking women should have delicate appetites. Everyone else can eat what they like.
I think you are projecting.

theymademejoin Wed 29-Nov-17 13:35:45

I used to always have dessert but less so now. The main reason is that it is so often disappointing, particularly when you're on a set menu. If I'm eating out, I want something better than I'd make myself but rarely get it as I'm a really good baker (an out and out, rather then stealth, boast).

amicissimma Wed 29-Nov-17 13:36:47

For most of us, as we get older we need fewer calories to maintain the same weight (try putting different ages into a TDEE calculator). Some people are lucky and find their appetites decrease, others put on weight unless they consciously decide to eat less.

I don't see that smug comes into it. And I don't think it's a great idea to be negative about 'older women'; you will be one one day and have to deal with needing fewer calories yourself.

MrsJayy Wed 29-Nov-17 13:37:00

I don't like puddings much it is nothing to do with being lady like or whatever but i struggle withset menus choosing a pudding

ILoveMillhousesDad Wed 29-Nov-17 13:37:30

The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal grin

And that's not judgy at all.

I'm a size 14/16 and I don't have a sweet tooth, so would never have a pudding.

Fuck all smug about it. I would have starter and main as that would be enough.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 29-Nov-17 13:37:49

Some of us dont shovel and guzzle.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 29-Nov-17 13:38:05

I can’t remember the last time I went for a meal and didn’t have dessert....

I’ve a friend that everytime doesn’t order dessert and sits there dribbling saying oh x is that nice, it looks nice but she would never order dessert confused she’s an adult so why doesn’t she just eat what she wants

Chipsahoy Wed 29-Nov-17 13:38:25

I cant manage more than one course. I'm a size 8 and pretty teeny. I'm not a size 8 cos I don't eat the dessert, I physically couldn't eat more. I'd be sick. So we have dessert later normally. I detest feeling full and bloated, nothing to do with looking dainty. I couldn't care less if someone wants three course, I'm not judging, simply listening to my body.

kaytee87 Wed 29-Nov-17 13:38:41

I could never eat a 3 course lunch unless it was sitting over hours. Tbh I'd struggle with a 2 course lunch and I'm not dainty or skinny, I'm a slightly over weight size 12. It's nothing to do with being lady like and I would be able to manage a dessert later, just not straight after something else.

Your tone about the '20 stone' lady sounds really nasty tbh.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck Wed 29-Nov-17 13:39:06

I know my appetite and can't usually finish a 3 course meal. I'm not trying to be dainty.

Oysterbabe Wed 29-Nov-17 13:39:40

Some people just can't eat a lot. Others like to make a big show of it and probably make themselves a slice of toast when they get home. I have a friend who is very overweight and whenever we eat out she takes an age delicately nibbling away at small amounts of food then insists she's stuffed. I'm just not buying it.

zzzzz Wed 29-Nov-17 13:40:05

I’m not sure why you would be smug if you didn’t eat puddingconfused. It isn’t terribly hard to say “no thanks” even if you’re hungry.

If people refused I’d think
They don’t want dessert
They can only afford two courses
The desserts on offer aren’t appealing
They have a large meal planned for later in the day
OR they don’t want dessertgrin

ohdo Wed 29-Nov-17 13:40:31

I'm a size 10/12 and don't often eat pudding because I'm such a greedy cunt with starters and main that I never actually have enough physical room for it. Nothing dainty about that.


EdmundCleverClogs Wed 29-Nov-17 13:40:33

I don’t like having a starter or desserts when eating out, just give me plenty of the main! I find desserts in a restaurant too sickly and lies heavy, especially since there’s not much of a break between courses. I’d rather leave it and have a slice of cake when I got home, in all honesty.

Fozzleyplum Wed 29-Nov-17 13:40:58

If they really are smug and "mock horrified" at the prospect of anyone eating pudding, then YANBU. However, I have never encountered anyone who would behave in such a crass way. I wonder whether you might be projecting a little.

I generally don't eat puddings if I'm out for dinner, because I genuinely don't have the appetite to cope with and enjoy several courses and I'm not very bothered about sweet things. I have noticed that, occasionally, other women pick up on this and seem to take it as a personal affront to them. On the rare occasions that it's commented on, it's usually by women who are weight conscious themselves, but are "treating" themselves and seem to see abstinence in others as implied criticism.

Allthetuppences Wed 29-Nov-17 13:41:15

I am a proper fatty due to stuffing my face in my younger days. Recently i have found my metabolism or apetite are very different and I could certainly not manage a 3 course meal. So thanks for your assumptions there.

TheFaerieQueene Wed 29-Nov-17 13:42:09

So in one post you have been a misogynist, ageist and fat shaming OP.

Aren’t you a peach. (I see the irony).

AgentProvocateur Wed 29-Nov-17 13:43:02

I don’t really like puddings, and there’s rarely cheese on three-course festive menus. Maybe they just don’t want to admit to not liking puddings because nobody ever believes you!! wink

TaylorTinker Wed 29-Nov-17 13:43:18

I'll often pass on sweets / desserts now, I'm less hungry than I used to be plus I don't have quite so much of a sweet tooth.

mummyretired Wed 29-Nov-17 13:43:38

I eat a restaurant pudding if it's a set three-course meal because I've paid for it, but not in any other circumstances. Not smug about that (quite capable of eating a packet of biscuits in one go) but brought up in the era of home-made puddings that make the usual restaurant offering of frozen cheesecake or cheap apple pie with watery custard very unappetising.

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