Can I just give cash to DD for Xmas

[insomniac123]

DD who is 17 eldest of 4 wants a Mac Book for Christmas, she has told me firstly she won't be happy with anything else ( I know the face she pulls and attitude she gets if she doesn't get what she wants) and secondly that I should buy less for her siblings so she get what she wants. They aren't as ungrateful as she is at all!

I have asked her if she thinks over the last few months she's being deserving of this gift, baring in mind she's rolled in drunk, shouted and screamed at everyone, told DH she has no respect for him and just generally been vile to be around. She threw a fit because we wouldn't buy and insure her a car for 17th - despite never having had a lesson.

We aren't massively wealthy but could buy her a good laptop with everything she needs on it - because she needs it - not for Christmas, but she insists it must be a Mac Book nothing else. I just think she doesn't deserve it at the moment.

Is it unreasonable of me to just give her money towards it and nothing else as she says she doesn't want anything else and will be disappointed/ cross if I get her anything else

[grannytomine]

Sounds reasonable to give her money and she can save for what she wants. With your description of her behaviour I'm not sure how much I'd want to give her.

[insomniac123]

No neither are we to be honest!

[SandyDenny]

Buy her what you want but she doesn't sound like she deserves anything. Certainly don't be browbeaten into spending money you don't want to or don't have just for an easy life

[ScipioAfricanus]

She sounds delightful right now.

I definitely wouldn’t get her something else which she will be ungrateful for. I think your idea of money towards it is good - she’ll still be ungrateful but you haven’t wasted money.

I know teenagers are awful at times but she sounds like she has been particularly rude and unpleasant to you. I would struggle to want to give her even the money.

[grannytomine]

insomniac123, having had 4 go through that age I can only say that the end is in sight, most of them do improve. Fingers crossed your will be human again in a year or two.

[BarbaraofSevillle]

No way should you buy less for her siblings to free up money for a laptop, especially a very expensive one.

Fair enough to give her money towards one, but I wouldn't stretch to (I'm guessing £8/900?) if your normal Christmas budget is £300 per child.

Give her the money you normally spend on presents and she can get a job to earn the rest of it herself.

[Cornettoninja]

Can you buy her a few bits to open and just tell her she can have so much towards a mac book when she has the rest? I agree it's asking for trouble giving her cash if she's likely to just drink it.

Don't ostracise her from xmas completely but it's more than reasonable to just get a few nice bits to open.

[AgathaRaisonDetra]

Your DD deserves a sack of coal. Preferably which she mined herself.

[SoozC]

Not unreasonable to give her money. Perhaps give each child the same amount? Then wrap up a couple of small, inexpensive presents for each to unwrap on Xmas day.
Don't get her anything too expensive as it sounds like she'll be upset regardless if it's not a mac book, so you'll have wasted money.

[Thesmallthings]

I'd be telling her she isn't getting purely because other entitled attitude and lack of care or respect for any one else also she'll be lucky to get anything at all.

[LagunaBubbles]

Yeh teenagers can be trying, had one, got one and will have another in a few years, but Im genuinely shocked at how ungrateful your DD sounds, and actually saying to her Dad she has no respect for him??

[Commuterface]

I think you are absolutely right to only give her money towards the Mac Book and also only give her the same amount in cash that you would be spending on your other 3 DC.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Perhaps give each child the same amount? Then wrap up a couple of small, inexpensive presents for each to unwrap on Xmas day.

That'd suck for her siblings who may prefer gifts to cash; and have behaved better all year.

I'd give her money towards it but not loads; based on her behaviour.

[insomniac123]

@SoozC the other children are 15, 10 and 1years old so can't really do cash for the littles. 15 year old and 10 year old gives a lovely long list of things ranging from £5 to £5000 so I get to pick lots within our budget for him.

I did jokingly turn around and say the baby doesn't understand and so maybe not to get her anything and give it to her - she shrugged and didn't seem to think that was completely unreasonable.

DH doesn't think that she is deserving of equal to the others who have behaved (as normal Kids) and haven't been as hard work/rude/ mean /thoughtless.

[treeofhearts]

I'm with your dh. She deserves sweet fuck all the way she's behaved.

[ShatnersWig]

Christ on a bike. I was never like that as a teenager, as my parents have always pointed out when they hear about other little shits. I actually think I'd struggle to give her anything at all. Her attitude and behaviour stink and I don't think that should be rewarded in any way.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

she insists Hmm she is going to have to adjust her thinking.

[Scabbersley]

dd is saving for a car so I am giving her money. I am not buying her a car.

[Biker47]

I'd say I was giving her cash towards it, then give her a fiver on Christmas day, and tell her why.

[NeverUseThisName]

The trouble with giving her what her attitude deserves is that it confirms to her your awfulness and unfairness.

You say that you would be getting her a laptop anyway, but not as expensive a one as she would choose. How about opening a bank account in her name and depositing in it the amount of money you would spend on a laptop? Then you gift her the account in an envelope labelled Laptop Fund. It's not cash that is instantly spendable, it's not a cheque that might be lost. She has to go and arrange any plastic involved in managing the account.

You would have to explain, though, that that is the laptop money. It is up to her to add to it if she wants a more expensive laptop. And if she spends it on something else, then she will not have a laptop.

I would ignore any comments or suggestions she makes regarding how much you spend on the other children. That is both irrelevant and none of her business.

[insomniac123]

She has a bank account and a part time job, the problem is she spends money like water and all on designer clothing /makeup etc. Everything is about appearance. She got paid last Friday and I think is out of money already, she has bought gifts for people but is already saying 'how expensive it is'.

I do worry giving her money - 23 fold reason 1. She's going to be cross whatever she gets unless it's a MacBook.

1. While her siblings sit there opening gifts she'll feel awful.
2. We'll feel awful her just having an envelope with cash in.

I don't have really much choice though, through her own choices.
@grannytomine I hope you're right!!

[insomniac123]

That was 3 reasons not 23!

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Don't feel awful OP and don't let your eldest sour the atmosphere for the rest of you.

[Floralnomad]

We have never priced match with our dc but if the MacBook is outside what you are happy to spend then I think I’d give her cash and a couple of small gifts . From your description it doesn’t sound like she’s actually that deserving .

[nocutsnobuttsnococonuts]

she sounds like she's going through an awful phase which hopefully she will outgrow soon.

could u give her a voucher towards the laptop (homemade maybe) that states she can use it towards a MacBook or buy a cheaper one. you could then put in a box or attached to a helium balloon to make it a bit more interesting.

if your worried about her not opening gifts could you buy a few inexpensive bits to open. so if u normally spend £250 maybe spend £50 on small gifts. some bits my slightly older than your dd would like/enjoy.

Selfie stick, a few frames to put pictures up. can also get a light that attaches to phoneto take selfies.
popcorn box, 'voucher' for film rental and either a popcorn maker (£10ish on amazon) or bag of popcorn.
cinema voucher and some bags of sweets.
eye shadow pallets
make up brushes - real techniques but can often get on offer
make up bag
diary and pen from paperchase
cards against humanity game or similar.
maybe some laptop accessories - decal to stick on, case, laptray to use on sofa/bed.