To ask what the presents are?

[Deinkdrama]

DS's first Christmas. Have asked everyone to let me know what they are buying to make sure we don't all double up with similar gifts. Have been told by PIL they are keeping gifts a secret as 'we might tell him (DS)'. He's 10 months... Laughed, "but seriously, what are you buying?" And was told they weren't telling but that we definitely won't have got the same. Made to feel like a right killjoy when I wanted to know.
May be PFB but AIBU to want to know who is getting what? We have a tiny house, not that much room for big, flashy surprises (which the PIL have form for) and I just want to double check. Maybe I am a killjoy!

[Missonihoni]

I think you sound more grabby than kill joy tbh.

[Discotits]

I think that’s absolutely fine. If you’re limited on space or they have a lot of toys etc, then I find people tell you what they’re getting. I find this now I have children and I used to check before I bought things for my nephew.
You don’t sound grabby either. Also, big flashy gifts should always be run by parents, what if there’s nowhere to keep them or you’ve bought the same like you say, common sense

[MinervaSaidThat]

You don't need to buy for your 10mo.

Wait and see what they have got them and you buy what they haven't.

I'm afraid you do come across very grabby. If you have a small house, just say baby doesn't need anything.

[NannyR]

I think that when they are so little, babies don't really get that much out of receiving gifts at christmas. They love the wrapping etc but they're not that bothered about what's inside. When I buy a gift for a baby, it's nice to see the parents unwrap it and see their reaction. Maybe the PIL want to keep it a surprise for that reason.
What if they told you what they had bought and it wasn't suitable in your eyes, would you expect them to return it and buy something else? That seems quite rude and ungrateful.

[kaytee87]

I'm not sure how people are getting that op is being grabby here?

I think relatives are being weirdly controlling by not telling you what they're buying your child for Christmas.

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

They don't want you dictating their Christmas gifts. I don't blame them!

Stop being rude.

If they buy him a full size burger bargain basement plastic playtoy or some such shite, say "Oh perfect for keeping at Grandma's!"

[Lethaldrizzle]

Why should they tell you. If you don't like it give it away!

[Deinkdrama]

I wouldn't call myself grabby as I'd be happy if they didn't buy anything. I'd be happy just to see them enjoying the day with DS which is what we are doing.
It is up to them what they buy, I am more worried it won't fit. If it won't fit in our home I'd suggest they keep the item with them so that DS could enjoy it there. I would also look to make sure I hadn't bought similar - if I had I'd return my bought item.

[Woodfordhound]

But are you going to ask the same every year? You need to ask yourself if, going forward, you’re going to be the sort of parent who wants to control and manipulate the presents given to your children. Would you want to ask them to return the noisy toy with the hammer for a wooden abacus?
Who cares if they receive some plastic tat? The truth is they love that more than nice wooden sets from John Lewis or Melissa & Doug. Plus the joy for GPs is in choosing something and giving it to the child.

[Deinkdrama]

PIL wouldn't want the item there with them - they would be annoyed if I didn't bring it home. This has happened in the past. I am grateful for anything received, I was trying to avoid conflict. Perhaps badly.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Does it matter that you may have bought similar. Just live and let live. Like the previous pp said are you going to do this for the rest of his life?!

[Deinkdrama]

And I am not worried about plastic tat as such. We've already been bought a jeep that we had to buy a little lean to to store it in down the side of the house - electric one - until he's old enough for it. Certainly isn't my intention to control Christmas!

[Deinkdrama]

I am being unreasonable. Thanks for the reality check! As I said I am under no illusion that I'm being PFB about this.

[Dustysparrow]

The OP is not being grabby! She just doesn't want to buy the exact same present for him that somebody else has already got, what's wrong with that??? There's nothing more annoying than buying somebody a thoughtful gift only to find somebody else has got the same thing for them - for example I spent ages looking for a nice birthday pressie for my Nan who is not easy to buy for and was really happy when I found a lovely National Trust handbag, only it turned out a friend of hers got her the exact same bag. I was cheesed off (not with anybody, nobody's fault, just because she ended up with two bags the same and insisted I didn't return it for something different as I think she thought I'd be upset or something). All the OP is doing is ensuring this doesn't happen with her son's presents.

[Dustysparrow]

She's not trying to manipulate and control what others buy (as a PP has suggested), this is about making sure the present SHE is going to buy isn't a duplicate, she hasn't told anybody what to get. Why is this not obvious???

[totsalot]

I'd don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't want my small house filled up with duplicates of plastic shite either. I don't see how not wanting to buy the same things as them is grabby either. My parents and in laws always run toys past us first to make sure they don't already have them, surely it's just common sense all round.

I know it's too late this year, but for the future what about doing a giftlist online or something so you can all be on the same page.

[Deinkdrama]

I think I wouldn't Tots because I would want them to have the excitement of looking around for whatever they wanted. I think from what I can understand they are enjoying that 'shopping' around for him which I am glad they do. I think I'm hormonal (just found out we are having twins), space is at a premium and I don't want to end up either with duplicate items or large items that I won't be able to fit. They won't let us leave things there, which I appreciate as they have their house just as they like it and don't want things cluttering up, so I don't want to offend them when I have no room.

[chocolateworshipper]

Little tip - Amazon wishlist. You can add things from other websites - it doesn't need to be sold on Amazon itself. You can send the link to everyone. Stops duplication of gifts and I've found most people are more than happy to buy something they know the child won't already have.

[cakecakecheese]

I have no idea where 'grabby' is coming from, bizarre. Only thing you're guilty of is overthinking and being a bit anxious. Are you generally a worrier?

Try and relax a bit, dress your little one up in a cute outfit and enjoy him looking generally befuddled by all the wrapping paper and then realise you'll have to do it all again in a couple of months when it's his birthday

[LML83]

you are not unreasonable to ask, but have to accept they don't want to tell you. It can be seen as rude to assume there is a gift.

Maybe in future say we are conscious of space so don't buy anything bulky. Unlikely to be many dupiclates so try not to worry.

I don't ask grand parents but will give suggestions if they ask me.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

I think relatives are being weirdly controlling by not telling you what they're buying your child for Christmas.

No they're not!

OP is the only one being at all controlling here! Of course DS' grandparents can give him a surprise gift for Christmas if they want to. I think the spirit of giving gifts seems a bit lost on you if you need to control what everyone boys & gives.

Out of interest, what would have happened if GPs had told you what their gift was and you thought it unsuitable? Would you have expected them to return it & choose something else? Maybe they suspect this is what will happen, hence them keeping the present a surprise.

If once DS has the present it is wildly unsuitable or inappropriate (unsuitable for DS not you) then of course there is no obligation to keep it.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

buys not boys FFS!

[kaytee87]

You have a 10month old and have just found out you're having twins. Nothing you say is ever unreasonable again congratulations op. Don't worry about the clutter, do a big clear out when you're nesting later one

[Curiousgeorgey]

I understand what your saying but chances of buying duplicates and quite small ime.

We all keep the kids gifts a secret in my family too. It justs adds to the excitement on the day for everyone I feel.

[Deinkdrama]

I wouldn't have asked them to return it, I would have taken steps, as I had before, to house it.

I am actually really sorry that I have come across so poorly. I wouldn't ever want to be grabby nor controlling. I will leave it be and obviously be very grateful for the effort and care they have taken to choose a gift.