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"Why didn't you just Ask?"

(125 Posts)
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Tue 28-Nov-17 20:49:00

Ive had a shitty day, so maybe why this comment has grated on me more than normal.

Got in from work about 7pm, DH finished at 4 today. DH is sorting baby out for bed when I get in. I started a load of washing and begin taking up the piles of laundry I did this morning. DH sees me bringing these upstairs and says " Why didn't you just ask me, I would have done it"

Start making our tea, whilst straightening things up and notice the bin needs changing. I'm carrying the bin bag ready to put in the black bin, and DH says the famous words
"why didn't you just ask me, I would have done that"

I ended up snapping and told him
"Youve been in since 4 and havent done it. I shouldnt have too ask you to do stuff around the house. Nobody bloody asks me to do these things, I just do it"

He looked horrified and then did a sad face and walked off. He is still showcasing the sad face as I type this. I feel like a right tight cow.

Was IBU or do I owe DH an apology?

CryptFascist Tue 28-Nov-17 20:49:58

Nope. You only pointed out the obvious.

KatherinaMinola Tue 28-Nov-17 20:50:10

You Should Have Asked

MsJudgemental Tue 28-Nov-17 20:50:19

YANBU. flowers

Cantchooseaname Tue 28-Nov-17 20:50:20

No apology. I refuse to make list of jobs etc. Open your fucking eyes.

Bubblysqueak Tue 28-Nov-17 20:51:28

I think I would have snapped at him too. You're right. I think he's doing the sad face because he knows you're right too!

Ceebs85 Tue 28-Nov-17 20:51:53

Oh my god no YANBU why the fuck should we have to ask. I bloody hate the 'you should have said' etc.

Maybe apologise for snapping but make it clear why you were annoyed.

StrangeLookingParasite Tue 28-Nov-17 20:52:24

It's not doing all the stuff that wears me out, so much as having to be the fucking general of household manoeuvres all the time.

moreismore Tue 28-Nov-17 20:52:35

Do not give in to the sad face! I’d have done (and have done!) the same

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 28-Nov-17 20:53:02

Showcasing the sad face

That is perfect grin

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 28-Nov-17 20:55:37

God no you do not owe an apology. He’s making you carry the whole mental load.

MinervaSaidThat Tue 28-Nov-17 20:56:30

YANBU. It's such a load off when DH does things without asking. He's improving but still not fully there.

Somethingfantastic89 Tue 28-Nov-17 20:58:55

Maybe apologise for snapping but make it clear why you were annoyed

Misknit Tue 28-Nov-17 20:59:11

In my house, it's 'I could have done that.' (Yes, I know, but you haven't chosen to and haven't come close to even considering it until you've seen me do it.)

Somethingfantastic89 Tue 28-Nov-17 20:59:42

I blame my mum society

molehill79 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:00:25

My husband actually said: "Do you want me to change the baby's nappy FOR YOU?"!!!! For me?! Maybe it was the wrong choice of words, maybe he just meant "Does it need to be changed" but it spoke volumes to me!

Shenanagins Tue 28-Nov-17 21:00:53

Yanbu. Couldn’t be arsed with someone who showcases sad face rather than grow up as opposed to only being able to do as instructed.

Lilymoose Tue 28-Nov-17 21:00:56

YANBU I hate this so much!

Somethingfantastic89 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:01:31

molehill grin
Also "I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen for you" - expects a kiss angry

BewareOfDragons Tue 28-Nov-17 21:02:24

Do NOT apologize.

I hate men who are like this.

They're perfectly successful and capable at work, but at home they are suddenly incapable 'assistants' who need direction? Um, no.

He should be apologizing to you and sorting himself out.

Skittlesandbeer Tue 28-Nov-17 21:10:09

I got this last night. I said (nicely) that it was high time the bedsheets were removed and replaced. Due to a back problem (and doing everything bloody else in the household), this job is assigned to DH. Not buying bed linen, washing it or even putting it in the laundry, merely stripping the bed and remaking it.

He did it, with a bit of huffing. Came downstairs and started a game with DD where they paraded around me like soldiers, finishing with a salute and asking ‘what are our next orders major general?’

I looked puzzled and asked when had I issued any? He stated that making the bed was. I said that while the army might issue fresh sheets, you were still considered old enough to make your own bed.

General of household manouvres indeed.

pictish Tue 28-Nov-17 21:11:57

No yanbu, you're quite right...why do you have to do the thinking for him? If you have to point out every task in the house that needs doing, he's no use.
This really annoys me...the myth that men need these things explained to them. They don't...if they don't think of it themselves it's because they can't be arsed to. Having a vagina does not make you any better at organising fucking drudge work.

KitKat1985 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:12:05

YANBU. I actually started a very similar thread about a month ago.

Nyx1 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:13:40

Of course you don't owe him an apology

Unless it goes "why don't you open your eyes to see what needs doing, you prize prick, anyone with half a brain doesn't need to be asked"

MFR3 Tue 28-Nov-17 21:13:50

KatherinaMinola. Thanks for posting that link, I'll be sharing that with friends

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