to feel like not bothering again?

[LowFatMilkshake]

For anyone who remembers a thread I wrote a while back about a LB(4) and my DD(3) playing and collecting ladybirds and climbing loft ladders - and even for those who dont, I have an update.

As I said in my last thread on a later posting I would try and encourage the friendship between DD and LB and I would do my best not to judge his behaviour so quickly.

Keeping to my word I have taken him to the park on my own with DD and we had quite a good time. He went on the equipment was polite - had an emergency wee (made me chuckle he was so well trained).

Then yesterday I asked his mum if they would like to go for a walk in the afternoon to some local parks that they might not have found yet. As a treat I took a blanket and ball and bought the children some juice, sweets and crisps. And the myum and I same juice. I took my baby DS and had a feed for him prepared and thoght it would make a nice couple of hours out......

From the minute he left the house LB was complaining, too cold, my DD was walking too far ahead, his mum and I were talking too much, he wanted his sunglasses on, they would'nt stay on etc etc etc... His mum seemed quite embarassed by his behaviour and DD was fed up of being held back and kept shouting for LB to hurry up.

We got to one park and I suggested we played there for a while before going on to the next park and having our picnic. From then on LB kept saying he had enough and hated this park and could he see what crisps I got him. He told DD she had to get off the swings and told her 'one more go on the slide' . DD knew we had goodies as she had bought them with me, but was much more interested in playing and not happy to leave, but he would'nt stop going on so we left.

When we got to the next park he wanted to sit basically as soon as possible so he could have the food etc, and his mum had to tell him as they had bought nothing they would sit where me and D chose. Again to placate him, once we were away from the path and in quite a central quiet spot we put the balnket out and the chldren had thier juice and sweets and crisps etc.

DD then got the ball out and ran backwards and forwards kicking it and calling to LB. He said 'no thank you I am rather tired now' and promptly lay down on the blanket under his jacket. I was feeding DS so all I could do was talk to DD and applaud her high kicks etc. And LB's mum got up to play with her after a while. LB looked up and asked them to play further away as he wanted to sleep. I told him you dont come out to sleep that is what bed is for.

Then he seemed to realised his DM was ignoring him and playing with my DD instead so he said he wanted to go home. I told him there was another sing and slide park at the end of the field, but he just said 'no thanks I want to go home' So we packed everything back in the pram, including my DS who was enjoying the fresh air and sunchshine and we used a short cut out of the park.

As we walked home he was back to normal as I know him after pre-school, running along with DD telling her to keep up etc. All signs of tiredness gone. Then he said to me that DD wanted to go to his house and play and I said she had to go home (we only live 30 seconds accross the street) and he told me, when my DD wants to do something I should let her .

We parted that I would call for them if we went to a park a the end of our road later in the week (we went today and we did not call).

Now I really like his mum and I would like to get to know her more, However, as much as I try to like this LB I feel I am always biting my tongue at how he speaks to me and DD (also his DM - but that's not my concern).
Yesterday I felt I had been completely used by him as nothing more than a meal ticket and what annoyed me even more was that DD had been let down by him as he refused to play with her, which she was looking forward to.

His mum and I are going in to town in a few days while DD and LB are at pre-school so at least we can have a chat in peace as he always interupts us as apparently he doesnt like his mum talking to anyone but him.

So....after all this would try and make another playdate or just let the DC's play when they are at pre-school and use this time to chat amd meet with his DM??

I have realy tried not to jusge here. And I do have a baby DS so I will have a LB myslef one day - and if it is a boy thing I will find out for myself.

[LowFatMilkshake]

wow- this is long sorry

[colditz]

Actually, I think he sounds typically four. 4 year olds do seem very uppity when you are used to the idiosynchratic three year old, but they are just being themselves. I would give a play meetying one last try, and if it's not working, ditch it!

[MrsDanvers]

IME difficult people stay difficult. They don't suddenly become laid back or easy. If you want to continue with this friendship you're gonna have to put up with this sort of thing on a regular basis.

[LowFatMilkshake]

LOL Mrs Danvers. You made me recall my feelings as I watched DD and LB hold hands to corss the road thinking 'please dont become Boyf and Girlf when you're older'

[fireflyfairy2]

"He used me as a meal ticket"

He's 4!!!!


He sounds like most 4 year olds I know

Little girls are more mature than boys, so perhaps this is why there is quite a difference in your dd's behaviour & LB's.

[LowFatMilkshake]

FF I know that sounded silly, but as soon as he knew there was food it was a case of how soon could he have it, and then he switched off.

The way he speaks in terms of his language and tone are also quite patronising, I appreciate his behaviour may be typical but when you add this to the way he talks, he's not like the other LB's DD plays with at pre-school or any of my friends sons at this age.

[colditz]

LFMS

maybe he was hungry?

this all sounds so normal, I think you are being unreasonable expecting a four year old not to treat you as a meal ticket. Of course you're a meal ticket to him, you're an adult with a picnic hamper.

[Furball]

if there is a next time maybe say you will meet them there then you can turn up and go home when you want and not feel you have to leave when they do.

[Loshad]

sounds perfectly normal to me, you had food, he wanted it, particularly since it was treats. I would expect most, if not all 4 yo to behave in a similar manner.

[chocolattegirl]

Sounds like a typical man to me .

I wonder why his mum didn't bring his own picnic though - LBs are always hungry in my experience.

[LowFatMilkshake]

I did spring the picnic as a surprise, when we arranged it we just said a walk through the parks. But just thought if my DD would rather play than eat and play football later rather than nap why dont you - agin with the difference in age and gender I supose.

Spoke to DD's keyworker today who said she was forming a friendship with LB at pre-school, but he also noted that LB always seems to have a complaint "I dont think I'll play on the slide today as I have a bit of a cough" was the quote he used!

Keyworker is male and has boys and girls of his own, so for him to find this highlightable in a boys behaviour I dont think it is entirely me.

But as I have said I have a boy of my own and one day he will be 4 and I will get to experience the other side

[Saturn74]

I'm surprised that the keyworker thought it appropriate to discuss this boy with the parent of another child at the same setting.

[LowFatMilkshake]

It was'nt realy a discussion he just said DD was developing a friendship with him and I said yes we live close and they sometimes play together. I went on to say I sometimes find him a bit eccentric (sp). And he smiled an said oh yes we often have things like "earlier quote"

Was'nt anything malicious or nasty, I shouldnt have used the word complaint before but i was rattling off words as I had to run to see to DS. Sorry .

[hunkermunker]

I think he sounds quite quaint. He was probably hungry - if you're used to a DD with a birdlike appetite, a ravenous boy might be new territory for you. Of course, I'm generalising wildly here.

I really can't see anything in your post that would make me think he's the irritation you seem to think he is.

[hunkermunker]

He does sound eccentric and I think that's a lovely, funny, sweet trait

[WigWamBam]

He sounds a pretty typical 4 year old.

The thing that jumps out at me is that he behaves really well when he was with you and your son, but his behaviour is bad when his mother is there too - have I got that right? That's pretty normal as well - he doesn't know your boundaries, and IME most very young children only push the boundaries with their own parents. He doesn't have to impress his mother!

[Marina]

I like eccentric little boys too hunker, I've got one
Honestly LFM, quirkiness aside, he is a very typical little boy of that age. Good for you for trying again, but truthfully, your posts make it clear that you don't like him much. Which is fair enough, there is thankfully no rule which says we must like our friends' children.
You have two options now I think - either soldier on, because some of what you describe will get less annoying as he grows up, or just not socialise with them.

[hunkermunker]

Can you go to the pub or out for dinner with the mum in the evenings? I do this as a good way to keep friendships going

Marina, they're great, aren't they? Love eccentric boys

[Marina]

They just get better and better as they get older too hunker, I promise. Mine is nearly 8 now and both barking and reasonable.

[hunkermunker]

Can't wait - am really enjoying three and can imagine it getting better as he learns about more stuff to be eccentric about

I do think barking and reasonable is a good combo - I have a touch of it myself

[NineUnlikelyTales]

If you really don't enjoy this boy's company then I wouldn't worry about whether it's normal behaviour or not, but simply try to meet his mum when he won't be there. If he has to be there then you'll have to weigh up how much you like his mum!

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to spend time with someone who annoys you and is not part of your family, adult or child - but obviously you will have to be pleasant etc if you do.

[lilymolly]

my friend has boy 5 years old , and I cant bear being around him as he acts like spoilt brat to be honest, he is cheeky to me, his mum and my dp, and is nasty to my dd who is only 15 months.
I love his mum but avoid seeing her when he is there, which I know is sad.

[mrsflowerpot]

Oh I'm not getting involved in this one again, but he is 4 fgs.

[hunkermunker]

I think it's more to do with him being an older child than you currently have (and a boy) than him being an unpleasant little scrote. And, as MrsFP says, he's four.

And he does sound very polite, it has to be said - saying "no thanks I want to go home" is better than shouting at you, no? And "no thank you I am rather tired now" is polite too. What if your DD had wanted to rest or been bored and he'd wanted to stay? I bet you'd be slating him for not wanting to go home.

[TeeCee]

I can only echo what other posters are saying. He's just a 4 yr old boy, he's not your favourite person and that's fine but he's no monster.