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To think she probably doesn't even remember?

(71 Posts)
HelloImOverHere Fri 24-Nov-17 23:05:39

Have name changed for this as it's quite identifying and my previous posts could potentially out.

I moved from my hometown but only 20 minutes away when I was 18 so I always knew I might bump into someone I know.

DD is 2 and attends a private day nursery 4 days a week. She has been going since Sept 2016 but only recently moved to the Toddler Room and has a new Keyworker due to moving rooms. She loves it, the Nursery is amazing, close to home and although not cheap well worth it in my opinion. DD has settled well in the new room and gets very excited in the morning when I tell her it's a Nursery day.

DDs new keyworker is from my original town and I went to school with her for Primary. She bullied me quite badly alongside her sister in the year above for years 2-4 (so aged 6-9). I can remember it as it was quite bad at the time; exclusion from the group of girls in my class, pinned against a wall if I tried to speak to this girl or her sister, had quite a few items stolen, others hidden etc.

We went to different Secondary schools and this is the first time we've seen each other since year 6.

As soon as I told my DM the name of my DDs keyworker a few weeks ago she wanted me to phone the Nursery and ask that she be moved from my DDs room and not be allowed to work with her.

Now DD loves her, asks for her when she goes through the door in the morning, runs up to her for a cuddle before leaving. Keyworker tells me that DD likes brushing her (KWs) hair, I think they genuinely adore each other. I feel it wouldn't be fair to DD to have another sudden change that she wouldn't understand, and also it's not fair to KW who loves her job to be punished for something that happened nearly 2 decades ago. She also has 2 children of her own and I'd hate that she could potentially lose her job for this.

When I first saw the KW I got a bit anxious but I don't think she recognized me (I've got married and taken my husbands name in the last few years).

So AIBU for being the bigger person and moving on when the KW probably doesn't even remember? Or do I listen to my DM and tell the Nursery?

ButchyRestingFace Fri 24-Nov-17 23:10:37

What exactly is your mother’s rationale?

Is she afraid nice keyworker will suddenly regress 20 plus years and start treating your daughter badly?

elephantoverthehill Fri 24-Nov-17 23:10:52

People do mature and change.

roconnell Fri 24-Nov-17 23:11:51

What an unpleasant situation for you. Be the bigger person and don't mention it. Assuming DD is happy to be around her and you're happy with it as a nursery then let it go. We've all done stupid things as children. It was a long time ago, and if you told the nursery there would be literally nothing they could/would do. Sorry you were bullied flowers but it's the right thing to do to let this go.

MunchMunch Fri 24-Nov-17 23:15:53

I wouldn’t say anything. She was a child at the time, obviously for you it was a horrible experience but it seems she has grown up into a nice person that your dd likes.

I think for you to move on decide if you can forgive her (mentally) maybe write letter telling her how you felt both at the time and now as an adult, get it all out and then tear it up, write it on paper so there’s no chance of accidentally sending it.

HelloImOverHere Fri 24-Nov-17 23:18:07

Munch I forgave the bullies alongtime ago, I had counselling before my DD was born and discussed it all then, it made sense to forgive and forget. So I did.

Maplestaple Fri 24-Nov-17 23:25:36

How on bloody earth could she lose her job?

You are bonkers! And so is your mum.

I get you are angry, I really get it but she was 6-9 years old. You need to let it go.

kootoo123 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:26:30

Your mum wants to get her fired for her behaviour when she was 6-9 years old? Thats a tad harsh no matter how it made you both feel.

x2boys Fri 24-Nov-17 23:29:49

People change my. Dad was having a chat a few weeks ago with a man who bullied me on and off at primary school apparently hes nice enough we are 44 now everyone grows up you can't judge someone for what they were like between the ages of 6-9 .

HelloImOverHere Fri 24-Nov-17 23:30:47

Maple I don't want her to lose her job, not at all, but I was worried that's how it could come across if it was reported to the Nursery.

Koo Not angry, I got passed the anger ages ago. My mums the angry one.

GnomeDePlume Fri 24-Nov-17 23:32:38

In some ways maybe she does remember and that is part of what has made her who she is now.

Between childhood and adulthood comes puberty and adolescence when to an extent we are all reshaped using the same clay. What made her a bully then may make her a better person now.

Maplestaple Fri 24-Nov-17 23:33:31

The nursery wouldn't do anything, how could they? I'd think you were having a laugh if you reported that to me.

i wouldn't let your mum pick your Dd up from nursery!

butterfly56 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:33:50

You are right OP. You have dealt with the situation from years ago and you are the bigger person for letting it go. flowers

TinklyLittleLaugh Fri 24-Nov-17 23:38:30

To be fair if a kid bullied one of mine I doubt I'd be able to just let it go, so I can see where your mum is coming from. What did your mum do to sort things out when you were a kid? Did she feel thwarted in trying to help you then?

I dunno, I've never met a bully who grew up nice. I'd still be wary of this woman.

Maplestaple Fri 24-Nov-17 23:42:14

Just wanted to add that I only think talking to the nursery is a stupid idea.

I'd casually ask if she still sees anyone from school and watch her face as she realises it's you.

But then you risk her acting differently towards you.

AnonEvent Fri 24-Nov-17 23:43:26

I'd feel uncomfortable with it too.

But you have the upper hand now. She probably knows that you know who she is. She's probably fearful that you'll say something.

Say nothing- you are the better person, make sure she sees that. But keep your eye on her, just in case.

PinkHeart5914 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:45:10

You can’t tell the nursery this girl was a bully when she was 6-9 years of age, Christ if every person was liable for everything they done wrong as a child what kind of world would this be.

She was a child and sometimes children are fucking nasty but most mature and become perfectly decent adults. Your mother is crazy to even think of telling the nursery tbh, your dd likes her keyworker as you say yourself so she can’t be that bad as an adult.

Seriously what could the nursery even do I mean this girl must have the relevant qualifications and police check so why would they even care what she was like at 6-9 years old? She certainly wouldn’t lose her job because of it

You forgave a long time ago you say so nothing to think about here really

Filzma Fri 24-Nov-17 23:45:13

I dunno, I've never met a bully who grew up nice. I'd still be wary of this woman.


HelloImOverHere Fri 24-Nov-17 23:45:41

I don't really remember what my mum did about it tbh, could mean she did nothing confused

I won't speak to the KW about anything other than DD, it's just not worth the hassle. I only know she has children of her own because as you go into the room there's a photo of each member of staff with a little bit about them and hers says "I'm a mother to two children"

LipstickHandbagCoffee Fri 24-Nov-17 23:47:55

This is twofold. Your response.mum response. Both are different
Your mum,perhaps recalling the bullying& impact wants to protect you and dd
Your mum is being naturally protective,and worried if it replicates on your DD
However you’re the mum,dd is your need to think on balance is the KW ok
Do be kind to your mum,she’s simply lookin out for you and dd

BenLui Fri 24-Nov-17 23:50:59

Statistically loads of MNers must have been bullies in their school days.

I know for certain a girl who bullied me a spread rumours about me in high school is on here.

I am quite, quite sure she doesn’t think of herself that way.

OP your Mum is wrong. If this woman does a good job that’s the important thing.

Danitruth Fri 24-Nov-17 23:52:00

Perhaps a perfect time for revenge???
Does she drink tea or coffee? Slip milk into the fridge that has expired by a day or two. Also maybe when you walk through the door and she follows... dont hold it open for her! and so on.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 24-Nov-17 23:53:29

Of course don't say anything.
I have a year 4 dd, and every day one of them breaks friends with another, one of them excludes another etc etc at this age they're just finding their feet and learning. It is quite possible she doesn't even remember.

x2boys Fri 24-Nov-17 23:55:04

Exactly Ben I have some friends on facebook some of whom were bullied some of whom bullied most seem pretty ok now people grow up .

allthegoodusernameshavegone Fri 24-Nov-17 23:56:20

Kids can be horrible, bullying is horrible, sometimes the kids that are bullying are having a bad time too (not excusing it) but you are now both adults, leave the past in the past, she can’t be all bad to have a job in childcare. We all have regrets

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