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Teen and really bad friendships

(16 Posts)
Ataleoncetold Fri 24-Nov-17 22:55:34

A new child joined dds class earlier this year. Dd who struggles socially befriended this child who is a troubled child.
Without going into masses of details basically this child was in affect grooming (according to professional opinion) dd who has additional needs and is classed as vulnerable to behave a certain way. I came across some really horrible stuff between them and there was a huge fuss involving safeguarding, the head, senco and others and it caused a lot of upset. This kids social media is full of death, suicide, self harm etc.

Around this time dd started to really turn against me. Previously we had been very close, now she started to be really nasty to me, mock me, openly lie and conceal things and Google some unacceptable things. She would also lie she was on her way home when she wasn't. This isn't safe for dd due to her additional needs.
Dd was suddenly talking about all the stuff this kid mentioned. It was really bad stuff.

The child gave dd rules she must stick to (although I never found out what they were there were a LOT of posts about these rules.

The child hated their parents and the world in fact and ds started making up really horrible lies to this child about me to fit in.

Anyway it all exploded and dd sobbed saying she hadn't wanted to do these things and felt pressured. She missed two days of school and safeguarding was put in place. The school is small so they are in the same classes but other than that they were let apart.

Fast forward six months of happiness and dd had started to be nasty again. I once again found some horrible stuff and she had started lying again.

She changed her password daily so I can't get on her phone however tonight she fell asleep watching YouTube. This meant her lock screen hadn't come on.

I had a look at her phone and can see she has been messaging and talking over the phone to this child constantly over the last couple of weeks.

What the hell do I do now?

hmmmmm Fri 24-Nov-17 23:02:02

How worrying.

Can you contact safeguarding yourself?

hmmmmm Fri 24-Nov-17 23:03:41

What about ringing nspcc for advice?

roconnell Fri 24-Nov-17 23:05:31

Teenage friendships often seen to be very intense. If this was me I'd talk to DD. Ask her why she's started talking to this other child again. Explain why you would feel it's important for them to not be in contact. Encourage other friendships and try to phase this child out of DDs life, it's hard to outright ban a teenager from contacting another, but if this was my DD i'd tell tell her you will enforce it with some sanctions if neccesary - assuming this is appropriate for her age and additional needs. This child is obviously troubled and while that's sad DD is your priority, so do what you have to do to keep her safe. Depending on her exact age I'd also put a stop to this daily password changing and insist on being able to check her phone more often.

roconnell Fri 24-Nov-17 23:07:23

Also contact the school, them and the other child's parents needs to be made aware that this is still going on

Ataleoncetold Fri 24-Nov-17 23:09:27

NSPCC might help thank you.
I spoke to Young Mind at the time who were the ones who said it was like the child was grooming dd.

The senco is new and I don't have the same relationship with them (old senco was amazing and really looked out for dd, new senco rarely sees her.)
The new safeguarding person encourages them to be friends and views it as a blip in their friendship.

Ataleoncetold Fri 24-Nov-17 23:16:24

Sorry x post I'm pretty sure the other Mum knows as it came out that she was fully aware last time and the child had moved schools because of it.

Ataleoncetold Fri 24-Nov-17 23:17:25

Moved schools because of similar issues I mean.

LondonGirl83 Fri 24-Nov-17 23:30:06

It seems you need to speak to safeguarding person so you don't have another adult undermining your position and encouraging a negative relationship. Very sorry your going through this

Ataleoncetold Sat 25-Nov-17 06:41:31

Thank you. I've already spoken to them as the new safeguarding person who wasn't aware of how bad things had been was encouraging their friendship and getting them together in meetings with him saying it was a silly misunderstanding.

hmmmmm Sat 25-Nov-17 11:04:30

He sounds fantastic hmm

GladAllOver Sat 25-Nov-17 11:08:59

The first thing you should do is to tell her she can only keep the phone if she keeps the same password, known to you.

MsGameandWatching Sat 25-Nov-17 11:12:58

Can you move schools. I would do this. I have a dd with additional needs and she struggled greatly with friendships one year. Never said a word though would just come home and take it all out on me including attacking me etc. She was on a hair trigger constantly. I didn’t find out till after as I said but now know what to look out for and wouldn’t hesitate to move her if I needed to.

Bigcomfyknickers Sat 25-Nov-17 11:18:04

I would definitely look at changing your dd's school. She doesn't need any contact with a child who is effectively grooming her and distorting her personality.

SparkyFire Sat 25-Nov-17 11:31:54

How old are they? As well as your own I would also want to make sure the other child is safe and not coming to any harm at home.

Ataleoncetold Sat 25-Nov-17 20:25:11

Dd moved schools 15 months ago due to bullying so I'm reluctant to move her again as she's in the middle of her gcse years. For the first time she has a proper friendship group and before this child came dd was for the first time happy to go to school and had started to do really well academically too. But this child seems to have the ability to drag her into it her world.

They are 14/15

School are very aware of the issues of the other child, the child was self harming to the point of hospital treatment being needed so I know they are definitely aware, obviously they won't go into details for safeguarding reasons to me and they shouldn't.

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