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MIL/family in law from hell.

(5 Posts)
11pud Fri 24-Nov-17 16:50:04

Hi everyone- just need some advice from anyone that's gone through anything similar please.

Me and OH are having quite a rocky patch in our 10 year relationship. We have 2 DC. OH family are very well off and quite snobby but at first very warm and friendly towards me.

I can pin point where it all went wrong with his family 9 years ago- I dropped out of a good university- tried a different degree and left that too. I hated university- i worked a fair share of crappy jobs whilst OH had a fairly good job but is now self employed and we both work for the business.

Since I dropped out they have treated me like absolute dirt. Numerous times I've overheard MIL talking bad about me to her family. Numerous times she's implied I need to lose weight (I'm a little overweight but nothing crazy) but I see that as none of her business.

I once bought OH a fairly nice bottle of wine for his birthday- my SIL asked at a later date who bought it for him and I overhear his mother saying 'well she did but obviously with his money'. We had seperate bank accounts then and I worked full time (but to her in a rubbish job).

She's said to my face in front of family that I'm not a caring mother as she's seen my Boys many times in unmatched pjs.

It's not even said in a jokey tone.
OHs family never pull her up on any comments - in fact I think they even agree with her.

I've started fighting back but always in the end I have to apologise otherwise it's just too much stress and I get too upset and ganged up on by his family.

My 2nd pregnancy I fell out with her early on-I had awful morning sickness and she said I was just being lazy. I then had my son very prematurely and at one point during emergency section my OH was told to call my parents immediately and I lost 3 litres of blood, had an abrupted placenta, pre eclampsia and then was critical afterwards.

My son was in NICU for a while- she visited him once and didn't come to see me. When pushed OH said she didn't ask about me. When I found this out I cried on my own in my hospital bed. It stressed me and just shocked me that much.

She has no idea the hurt she's caused.

OH has a severely disabled uncle who she regularly makes fun of.

SIL father has Parkinson's and she's made fun of him.

She regularly comments on 'ugly' children.

She is however a loving grandmother and my 1st son (she's never bothered with my 2nd) does love her.

OH sticks up for me once in a while but knows if he does more then his brother and sister will be on his back and he loves them and doesn't want to fall out with them.

I cry most days after I see her.
I want to cut her and his family out completely but I fail to see how to go about this. I wouldn't put it past her to slag me off to my son when he's older.

I would love to cut her out from my sons life too but know I'll be met with massive resistance.

Sorry this is so long winded but I'm really just looking for advice on how to cope.

My emotional/mental health isn't great at the moment due to the stresses from premmie baby amongst other factors.

Thanks x

AnnabellaH Fri 24-Nov-17 16:53:57

I wouldnt class anyone who does that as a loving grandmother. I'd class them as a twat I wouldnt want near my children in any circumstance.

MatildaTheCat Fri 24-Nov-17 16:55:58

You do know that you really do not have to see her? DH should be protecting you. She sounds an absolute piece of work and your DC need protection as well.

You don’t say what level of involvement you have with her but I would cut it back as far as you possibly can. It is not the law you see anyone and certainly not someone so horrid.

As far as her slagging you off to DC, don’t worry, they will know what the truth is. They have ears.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Fri 24-Nov-17 16:56:13

You got all the advice the other day.

You arent married to him - leave him

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 24-Nov-17 16:57:27

I get very edgy when I read this sort of thing where your relationship is rocky and you have children together but you're not married. I think you need to look at that and just ignore that woman. She's not a MIL if you're not married and you don't need to take any notice of her.

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