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always the driver

(26 Posts)
snorkmaiden68 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:29:53

I am currently off work the day after a severe migraine (flashing lights /sickness /face freezing and eye flickering as well as pain that could kill an ox). I have to go out to arrange mot on car but don't want to be out long. DD 23 has just text from work with a shopping list so I will have to go into shops I wasn't going to visit but she's at work till 6 so can't go herself. I ve said ok but this is a regular thing not just with her but friends too (who don't drive). Oh snork pick me up this or that please etc.
I don't mind if I m actually going there or if it was someone unwell but this is all the time unless I m at work. DD hasn't learned to drive as she spends all her money on rubbish. DS is 29 and has moved out and got independent but used to be the same.
Aibu to expect some consideration when I m really not well? And to expect my friends to learn to drive? When I say that I get told well it's so expensive nowadays /it was cheaper when you did it /your car is better than mine /i m scared to drive on that road (an old school friend who is a very nervous driver). I feel guilty and resentful that my time gets hijacked but a bit mean to say no! Wwyd mumsnetters? I don't want to be nasty but these migraines are no joke and I m very fragile afterwards

Therealjudgejudy Fri 24-Nov-17 13:32:54

Stop being a doormat for people and they will stop wiping their feet all over you. If you have a migraine go into bed and turn off your phone. Simple.

aintnothinbutagstring Fri 24-Nov-17 13:35:39

Its nearly the weekend, why can't your dd pop to the shops tomorrow? I'd keep making excuses until they give up asking! Today you have a very valid excuse, you feel unwell and would rather not be driving around. Friends can use public transport/taxis surely? I'd just say, sorry I'm not in that area today/busy, don't have time/have an appointment.

BarbaraofSevillle Fri 24-Nov-17 13:36:47

If it's only to arrange the MOT, not actually have it done, I would call/email the garage and not actually go out. Then I would turn my phone off and go to bed.

Your 23 YO DD can work out how to get her own stuff after work, or some other way. Are the shops where you are not open after 6 pm?

aintnothinbutagstring Fri 24-Nov-17 13:37:20

A great excuse is 'sorry, been so busy, didn't see your message until now, hope you got it sorted!' I really have no shame in making excuses if I don't feel like doing something.

KatharinaRosalie Fri 24-Nov-17 13:39:27

What's on the shopping list? Something vitally important that cannot possibly be bought after 6 or tomorrow?

elQuintoConyo Fri 24-Nov-17 13:40:29

"No, i can't." then hang up the phone.
Or a softer, "no, sorry, i'm still sick from my migraine. You'll have to ask someone else".

People will only use you if you let them.

Start taking care of yourself as it sounds like no one else will.

elQuintoConyo Fri 24-Nov-17 13:42:50

And tbh if you have whatsapp you can turn off the blue-tick thingy and lie about not seeing their message until the next morning winkgrin

I have done this and it stops people being so 'you saw my message at 9am, why did you wait until after lunch to answer?' etc.

snorkmaiden68 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:43:16

Beauty products that she needs to go out tonight and shop for them shuts at half 5. She works weekends as team leader in the co op. But yes friends need to stop I agree. I think this is left over from my days as a single working mum running everything and to be fair I m not often ill

snorkmaiden68 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:45:31

And I usually have my phone on as been worried about DS, he has bad episodes of depression so I like to be available for him. I should ignore friends though

Keepingupwiththejonesys Fri 24-Nov-17 13:45:53

If its stuff she needs for tonight why has she waited this long. I'm sure she could live without them. I don't drive and manage

DarlesChickens61 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:48:52

YABU. You’re not well. Turn your phone off and teach your dd a life lesson. If she needs make up she has had all week to get that. If she couldn’t be arsed - her problem! Stop being a doormat! MOT apt can be rearranged....

BarbaraofSevillle Fri 24-Nov-17 13:50:10

If she's run out of beauty products, they will have been running low for days/weeks, so why hasn't she bought them before now?

A colleague of mine has a sign on their desk that says 'just because you have left it to the last minute doesn't mean I will treat your request as an emergency'. Good advice to live by when other people's demands are causing you inconvenience.

I would be having a relapse of the migraine and be unable to drive to be honest.

Nocabbageinmyeye Fri 24-Nov-17 13:52:25

What would i do? Say no confused It's pretty simple, people keep asking because you keep doing, they won't stop until you do

snorkmaiden68 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:57:23

We ve both just been paid and last week was shopping for essential items only. Tbh I would probably go no problem if I was feeling better. They're not used to me being ill

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 24-Nov-17 13:59:06

The reason she keeps doing this is because you let her. Just say no!

Switch off your phone and go to bed. Hope your migraine gets better.

AlexaAmbidextra Fri 24-Nov-17 14:02:11

Ffs! Stop being a martyr. Just don't go. She's run out of make-up, not a life saving heart medicine. hmm

BarbarianMum Fri 24-Nov-17 14:07:41

Seriously? You're sick and you are going out to buy your dd make up? Stop being a mug.

NerrSnerr Fri 24-Nov-17 14:08:18

Just tell her you can’t go because you’re poorly. What beauty product can be that essential for a night out?

K0729P Fri 24-Nov-17 14:10:42

Sorry OP, but you need to learn to say no!

Your DD should be a little more organised rather than expect you to run around after her.

I suffer from migraines quite badly so I know how you must be feeling and they last thing you should be doing is driving about.

Also, if you are off work and someone sees you out and about shopping it might not give off the best impression.

snorkmaiden68 Fri 24-Nov-17 14:11:02

Lol she's at the age she would think it's a disaster to go make up free! Well I m not too bad today but I will be glad when she's booked her driving lessons after Xmas. As far as friends go I will continue to help my friend with fibromyalgia who needs a wheelchair but the nervous nellies can just get used to the roads they don't like. I don't know how it got so bad tbh

snorkmaiden68 Fri 24-Nov-17 14:14:05

Today s a day off work for the whole school (black Friday teacher shopping) so it s ok if I m seen by anyone. I m not going out just for make up.I have to drop the car off for mot but wasn't planning to stop anywhere else, just drop it and get the bus home

NerrSnerr Fri 24-Nov-17 14:15:34

Lol she's at the age she would think it's a disaster to go make up free!
That’s her problem though, you really shouldn’t be going out with a migraine to buy her makeup. She can ask a friend to get it for her, borrow some from a friend, use some old makeup. Supermarkets sell some makeup too so she could hop on a bus. It’s really not your problem.

timeisnotaline Fri 24-Nov-17 14:17:15

Don't get it. If she cancels her night out because she hasn't got any makeup then she will learn to plan ahead next time. Just be very clear if she has a go at you - I didn't leave it until the night I needed it to get more makeup and I'm also not your personal delivery service.

timeisnotaline Fri 24-Nov-17 14:18:32

I am pretty sure that my daughters make up situation will never ever be my emergency. Op you need to put a stop to this!

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