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to think you don't just ask if someone's pregnant

(35 Posts)
justplainfat Fri 24-Nov-17 13:09:48

NC for this.

Took DD to playgroup this morning and another lady said “are you expecting”
I’m not. I’m overweight and carry it all on my tummy. I told her this to which she replied “don’t lie! I can see that you are!” So I had to repeat again that I’m just fat.
This was in the middle of play and in front of other moms.
She then said “oh don’t embarrass me! You are aren’t you?!”

I’m humiliated.

AIBU to think you don’t just ask somebody and you should wait for it to be announced?
sad

Ttbb Fri 24-Nov-17 13:11:52

No, you definitely don't, especially notvthree times. She's the one who should be embarrassed, not you.

ThatHippyDippyShit Fri 24-Nov-17 13:13:21

How embarrassing. For her OP, not you.

I hope she gives you an apology.

Bippitybopityboo Fri 24-Nov-17 13:14:50

YANBU. How bloody rude! She should be the one embarrassed OP flowers

RiotAndAlarum Fri 24-Nov-17 13:17:33

Wow. Damned cheeky of her to have turned her own mortification on you.

PinkHeart5914 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:18:15

No you should ask, some people just don’t think.

It reminds me of my friend and her 8 month old twins came to baby group with me, my friend was asked/told she was pregnant by another mum to which my friends replied no darling I’m just fat. I have never seen someone try to backtrack on there comment so quick

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Fri 24-Nov-17 13:19:19

She should be embarrassed not you. What an arsehole. Unless someone mentions it first never ever ask.

Crunchymum Fri 24-Nov-17 13:19:20

Wow what a complete cunt this woman is.

She said it 3 times? Who does that? shock

JollyGiraffe Fri 24-Nov-17 13:19:53

YANBU.

She must be completely mortified- and it sounds like she was by making a big thing of it when you said you weren't pregnant!

Try not to think about it too much. She sounds like an idiot but should be much more embarrassed than you.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Fri 24-Nov-17 13:21:31

My weight is all on my tum. After having had a few people ask/say "you're pregnant" I would NEVER ask!!!! Made even more confusing as I have a "please offer me a seat" badge. Have to point out that I'd have a "baby on board badge" if I was pregnant.....

justplainfat Fri 24-Nov-17 13:22:25

It was as if she though I was trying to keep it a secret!

I could feel all the other moms around me cringing at it as well. Worst moment ever!

She also goes to another playgroup that I go to so I see her twice a week.
Wonderful.

JollyGiraffe Fri 24-Nov-17 13:23:26

There cringing at her, not you!

Will be interesting to see how she acts around you now grin

Steaksauce Fri 24-Nov-17 13:26:10

Who would even ask that?!
And why three times? What was she expecting you to say the 2nd and 3rd times?
“Oh yes I am actually, I forgot”

Silly woman. I hope she’s mortified.

VelvetKK Fri 24-Nov-17 13:29:46

I can guarantee the other mums there will be on your side as well. It's rude, and actually quite cruel to continue asking when you've said no. Even if you were hiding a pregnancy, you wouldn't say no the first time and then yes the time after.

Insensitive witch.

Underbeneathsies Fri 24-Nov-17 13:30:14

I had this quite regularly, indeed sometimes I’m even offered a seat on the tube. One of the mums ran over to me at the last sports day and congratulated me loudly.... and gave my tummy a rub.
I have IBS than makes me look like I’m 40weeks plus 10 days pregnant.

That lady needs to be told to mind her own beeswax.

Can you enlist some of the other mums to say “I can’t believe how insensitive she was - did you hear her like a dog with a bone, and she couldn’t take the hint that I’m not pregnant...... I wonder who she’ll try it on next week?”

If that lady comes up to you again with her little game, I’d say very loudly to her “if and when I’m pregnant again, you’ll be the first to know, (tinkly laugh) in the meantime (steely glare) mind your own business”

AnonEvent Fri 24-Nov-17 13:33:30

I'd never, ever, ever, ever - EVER ask if someone's pregnant. Unless they are absolutely hugely, and definitely, 35 weeks+

I'm aware that post c-section my tummy is not flat, and is out of proportion, I can almost feel the looks when I'm on public transport, "is she, or isn't she?"...

That's why Baby on Board badges are such a good thing. Without them I'd be nervous to offer almost all pregnant women a seat.

ByThePowerOfRa Fri 24-Nov-17 13:34:07

Yanbu. I have to confess that once, years ago, I very stupidly asked if someone was pregnant and they weren’t. It was awful. The poor woman laughed it off but also a bit hurt and self conscious. I genuinely lost sleep over it. It was just the two of us and I immediately apologised profusely, but the damage was done!

Now I don’t ask anyone, no matter how much they’re showing, unless they have a big “baby on board” badge. I think people think I’m weird for not mentioning when they are obviously pregnant, but I just won’t. Ever.

AnnaFender Fri 24-Nov-17 13:34:12

One school run mum I used to see a lot seemed to have foot in mouth syndrome around me (maybe all the time - obviously I don't know!) One time she asked my kid if they were excited about upcoming party - she wasn't invited...one time she came up with another mum saying so and so's kid didn't have an invite to my kid's party - other mum's kid was not invited...you get the idea. I don't see her much anymore as now I work full time and DH does the school run...so it's fine now.

Our kids also attend the same dance class, and one time I did drop off instead of DH who I usually send. I was holding baby DD and she motioned at my tummy and proceeded to talk about how she didn't know I was pregnant blah blah blah and when she finally paused for breath, I, mortified, quietly said: "I'm not". She then tried to dig herself out of the hole with "I think it's just the way you were standing" etc.

I no longer do dance drop offs/pickups. I just can't take any more cringe-inducing comments! She honestly seems like a lovely lady apart from her inability to think before she speaks sometimes!

Anyway, nothing helpful but I feel your pain!

justplainfat Fri 24-Nov-17 13:38:26

I’m the same Anon I had a section too and sometimes I can look like I’m preggers.

I told some of my mom friends there what she’d said and they were shocked that she’d said it but apparently she has form for speaking when she shouldn’t.
I’m not normally the type of person to take something like that I was just too shocked to say much!

Now I know what she’s like I’ll be avoiding her and will be more prepared for if she says anything else. I just know that everyone at the other playgroup will know about it before I get there. She’s the kind to make a joke about it and get in there first.

ByThePowerOfRa Fri 24-Nov-17 13:39:18

She’s the kind to make a joke about it and get in there first.

She sounds like a massive tool then!

Mustang27 Fri 24-Nov-17 13:42:43

Oh my god I'd have died in either of your shoes!!!!

To ask iv done that before and been wrong and its been awful but to continue is just down right stupid. The normal reaction would to apologise and get the fuck out of dodge as quickly as possible and hope to Christ you haven't just ruined that poor woman's day.

To be you I am completely in awe I think I'd have cried at her persistence. Massive hugs this is just awful. Even at my slimmest I have a weak core, coeliac, ibs and endo to boot so I can easily look 12 weeks pregnant on a good day I'm just about to have my second and dread the damage that I will be left with.

user4321 Fri 24-Nov-17 14:00:31

She should be humiliated not you!

I am similar in that my weight, posture I can look pregnant (I’m not) and people have offered me a seat etc. I try to brush it off and like ‘I’m fine thanks’ but not correct them as I’m humiliated for them!!

It is totally out of order to ask and I would NEVER mention it to anyone or offer a seat without a badge unless I was 100% - and I mean an almost full term solid bump!!

Glumglowworm Fri 24-Nov-17 14:12:38

YANBU, how rude to not just ask but ask three times!

Even if someone is pregnant they may not want to tell random strangers/acquaintances

It's only ok to ask if you're a medical professional asking your patient, or you're the father of the potential baby

tampinfuminragin Fri 24-Nov-17 19:37:56

Even if someone is obviously pregnant, I still will not assume or ask! Especially not 3 times.

frieda909 Fri 24-Nov-17 19:48:00

I get this sometimes (in fact I’ve posted here about it before!) and it’s really upsetting, but I can promise you everyone is cringing at her, not you! She sounds awful. Even if you were pregnant, not everyone wants to talk about that. And after you’d said ‘no’ the first time she should have just left it at that!

I passed an colleague in the corridor today who I haven’t seen for about six months, and she was very clearly pregnant. I almost said something out of surprise, but I held my tongue because a) on the 0.000001% chance that she is actually not pregnant, I would feel like an absolute twat and b) even if she is pregnant (which I’m sure she is), I’m quite sure she doesn’t want to discuss it with literally every single person she sees!

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