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Taking offence - who is BU?

(12 Posts)
lirpaloof Fri 24-Nov-17 11:03:36

Just trying to find out where others stand on this.

Last night I was out with 2 friends and we were talking about people taking offence. They both think that if offence isn't intended then the person who has taken offence is in the wrong eg if person A makes a stupid mistake and refers to it as 'having a blonde moment' then person B, who is blonde, is not allowed to be offended because person A did not mean it hurtfully. Other examples include making jokey comments that others might overhear and interpret as being racist/sexist/homophobic when the intended recipient is not offended and offence was not meant.

Apparently you can only take offence if it is directed at you, meant intentionally and/or relevant to you, not to others.

I disagree with them as I don't think you can dictate how people react and just because something doesn't offend them doesn't mean it won't offend others. However, these friends think people like me are "easily offended, liberal types who are collectively turning this country into a population of over-sensitive snowflakes".

I am now worried that I might be a pearl clutching snowflake. Who is BU?

VladmirsPoutine Fri 24-Nov-17 11:07:22

Are your friends Nigel Farage and Christine Hamilton by any chance?

Shoxfordian Fri 24-Nov-17 11:07:25

Your friends are trying to excuse their racist, sexist homophobic comments

Yanbu

Jilly12345 Fri 24-Nov-17 11:10:26

Oh, is this the 'I was only joking' and 'you are so sensitive' and 'it's only a bit of banter' brigade? The ones who think their sarcastic jibes and potshots are fucking hilarious? And if you don't laugh, and you get offended, you are devoid of a sense of humour? hmm

Cunts. All of them.

Ttbb Fri 24-Nov-17 11:13:32

I think this is more a case ofisunderstabdjbg over meaning if offence. If someone says something with the intention of making others uncomfortable that's wrong and no one is questioning that. If they innocently make you uncomfortable then it's fine to correct them but if you make a big deal out of being 'offended' then aren't you the one purposefully making others uncomfortable? There is a line between reasonable offence and offence used to bully or belittle others. I assume you meant the former when talking about being offended while your friends meant the later.

SweetEnough Fri 24-Nov-17 11:16:35

I will take the whole fucking fence and the gate too if I see fit. Sorry!

I'm no pearl clutching snowflake and it takes a lot to offend me, but I agree with you.

It's easy to offend people unintentionally, especially if you fail to engage your brain before opening your mouth.

Jaxhog Fri 24-Nov-17 11:18:03

Ah yes, the 'you don't have a sense of humour argument' I used to get when subjected to a barrage of sexist jokes.

Although I do think some people can be overly sensitive sometimes.

I think the answer is to be moderately sensitive, and to stop when someone is clearly offended. It's common courtesy. But anyone is allowed to be offended!

BertrandRussell Fri 24-Nov-17 11:20:59

"There is a line between reasonable offence and offence used to bully or belittle others"
I really don't understand this-could you say more?

lirpaloof Fri 24-Nov-17 11:28:18

Ttbb - yes it's reasonable offence element. They think if they make someone uncomfortable through comments that are not intentionally hurtful/relevant/aimed at them then it's not ok to correct them. Another example would be if someone, say a comedian, made a jokey comment about women drivers - it's not intended for me specifically but I would still be offended (I am female), and in their view I don't have the right to be as it's not intended to be hurtful and it's not aimed at me.

RatRolyPoly Fri 24-Nov-17 11:36:48

God that's nothing; I know someone who insists that people choose to be offended, and should simply decide not to be.

MrsHathaway Fri 24-Nov-17 11:45:40

There are "jokes" which are highly likely to offend someone (blonde joke is a good example) and then there's stuff which nobody could predict would offend anyone - "my high-powered job is really stressful, I'm thinking of packing it in and taking a job at the supermarket so I don't have to take work home" - "HOW VERY DARE YOU MY MOTHER RESIGNED AS A HIGH COURT JUDGE AND IS NOW ON THE TILLS AT TESCO".

I don't think it's about whether offence was intended but whether it could reasonably have been foreseen.

kateandme Fri 24-Nov-17 11:58:12

you don't often no what gone on for previous years,months even earlier that day,all this causes some people to be more sensitive or prone to taking offense at certain things.and also at certain things the "sayer"finds harmless may be inbedded somewhere in the "receiver" causing hurt,offense,harm or irritation. its then open to conversation and for both sides to say there piece and rational kind people will then see both sides and all will be well. but to say people shouldn't have the offense in the first place is silly because all people take all things very differently.we all feel things differently. hell just earlier in the day we could have stubbed our toe which then put us in a bad mood therefore we take offense at something silly.
so conversations can be had but to rignt a person feelings off just wont work and therefore will cause more offense where there wasn't actually any intented or to be had.
oh god ive just confused even myself!

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