Talk

Advanced search

...to say 'No, I won't'

(132 Posts)
keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 20:40:33

Background: XH - total twat. Self centred, lazy, shit father in nearly all respects that matter the most. Thankfully nowadays we hardly ever communicate in any form which is a blessed relief due to his unending twattery.

DS already told me last week that he's taking him to a concert in our area - it's absolutely fine with me and I'm v happy for DS to go but as per previous comment, I haven't had any direct comms from XH about it (and that too is also not a problem).

However I wasn't so happy about the concept that when coming to get DS (or so I thought - I shall explain later!!!) that XH would come all the way up to our home town then not spend any time with his DD (who he makes NO effort to have any contact with). To say he's broken her heart and shredded her self esteem would be a huge, huge understatement. This would be the second time he's made a special effort to come up here to see his DS, and ignore his DD, so I was kinda dreading how that would play out. Well, imagine my joy when I discovered this wouldn't even be a possibility because alternative plans are in play!:

Hello, I'm taking DS to a concert on XX.XX.XX. I've booked a hotel for us for that night and will drop him back to yours the following morning. He'll therefore have a bag with him so can you drop him to the Loser 'Dad's Hotel on Asshole Street for 7pm on XX.XX.XX. Thanks

This is HIS trip that HE'S made plans for with DS so in my book it's entirely up to him to get him there - none of this has been discussed with me (because it's not my trip) - so why try and get me to pick up the gaps in his planning at this point? Like the times I've done trips to concerts with DD - I wouldn't expect him to be involved, it's my outing so it's for me to organise!

You'll note, no offer of petrol money or asking me if it's something I'm able to do or have time to do - just the arrogant temerity to assume I will just do what he says - it's more of a question where he thinks already that I'm going to say yes of course, I'll plow into our nearest city centre at one of the busiest weeks of the year doing battle with the traffic-generating events that are going on related to Christmas...

There are taxi's from train stations to hotels so no need for me to actually drive him there - he can go on the train (surely, he travels regularly by train on his own now - btw, DS is 18!!!).

I mean, FFS!!!!!!

My jaw actually dropped on the floor?

This is an utter cheek isn't it?

Tinselistacky Thu 23-Nov-17 20:46:16

Send back that you have forwarded the message to ds. I thought your ds was a boy not a man. No need for your involvement whatsoever.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Thu 23-Nov-17 20:52:32

I assumed that DS was 10.
Suggest to DH that he pays for a taxi for his adult son

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 20:52:37

Bit kinda harsh on DS - he's not the twat (and doesn't deserve for me to put him in the middle and victim to another example of his dad's utter twattishness)! XH has booked a shitty hotel in a properly rough part of town where I have been sexually assaulted before - it's not very nice at all and I'd not want anyone i cared about really, walking round there.

But that's not the point - none of this requires my involvement and I just CANNOT tolerate this just on the strength of the haughtyness of the tone of this missive he's dropped on me! Utter, utter wanker that he is.

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 20:53:19

Surely train then a taxi paid for by his dear dad is the answer - how come he can't see that?!! He's an utter bell end.

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 20:54:16

And my text response should be?!? wink grin

Suggestions please!

CheapSausagesAndSpam Thu 23-Nov-17 20:56:53

"DS is now an adult man and I suggest you organise this trip with him."

Nothing else.

sonjadog Thu 23-Nov-17 20:57:18

"Sorry, I´m busy. I suggest you give him money for a taxi?"

TuckMyWin Thu 23-Nov-17 20:57:22

Sorry, I have plans so that won't work for me. Suggest he gets a train and then a taxi.

Ttbb Thu 23-Nov-17 20:57:28

Surely your DS can go himself?

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 20:58:47

Yes he can - but I shouldn't be involved in that - XH'll be asking me for the train and taxi money next!!!!

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 21:02:42

I think you have it sonjadog, simple and to the point and revealing none of the urges I'm currently experiences which largely feature images of him ending up under a patio somewhere.... grin.

Smarshian Thu 23-Nov-17 21:03:55

XH as you've organised the trip you need to organise transport. I am not able to drop DS at location. You will need to arrange an alternative.

EmilyChambers79 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:04:34

How old is your DS? 10?

If he wants to come then he needs to pick him up surely?

Or am I missing a point? Even he can't drive to get him then I'd rather take my 10 year old myself than have him getting a train and a bus.

Smarshian Thu 23-Nov-17 21:04:42

Don't apologise and don't say your busy. You don't need to make excuses for why you can't do it.

EatTheChocolateTeapot Thu 23-Nov-17 21:04:46

Don't say you are sorry, just reply: "No."

Smarshian Thu 23-Nov-17 21:05:07

Emily he's 18

EmilyChambers79 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:06:31

Ignore me, I've just reread and seen that he's 18!

Then nope, yanbu, his Dad wants to see him, he arranges for him to get there and that doesn't mean using you as the taxi service.

Does DS have his own income? If so, he needs to use it or his Dad needs to. Point out you don't exist to make his life easier.

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 21:08:08

Yes he's 18. The whole point is the complete absolving himself of all responsibility for - being responsible actually, for the whole thing - just hand out the jobs he's not thought through to the maid to do for him!

I too thought he'd be coming to pick him up from the house, the utter cretin!

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 21:11:17

No DS does not have his own income - the trip's his dad's idea, hence for him to organise, pay for and facilitate.

Ellie56 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:12:07

You need to use one of the excellent responses upthread then block his number.

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 21:12:41

Is there such a thing as 'telling-asking' - ie an almost pseudo appearance of asking when in fact there's the assumption behind it that the person being 'asked' will do what they'e been 'asked'?!!

He has form for this.

I hear his wife's influence here, HUGELY....

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 21:14:23

I shall, I shall.

I think I was rendered into shock as it's been so long since I've had any comms off him at all! (Bliss!).

Completely out of the blue and so highly offensive to me that he wants to still treat me like a piece of shit even though we've not been married for 10 freakin' years!!!

KittiKat Thu 23-Nov-17 21:15:44

Sorry shite for exhusband, I am busy that day with our DD, you do remember her don't you?

keeponworking Thu 23-Nov-17 21:18:03

I can't realistically block his no. (although I'd love to - these last few years have been great, hardly EVER hear from him!!) - DS has a health issue and regularly goes to visit his dad which is a good nearly 2/3 hour drive/trains there and 2/3 hours drive/trains back so I always want to be available to make arrangements to pick him up earlier if necessary from that visiting, if he's rough and wants to get an earlier train back.

I just should't be sent these hideously self-absorbed, the-world-revolves-around-me-messages - whether it be by text, email or phone!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now