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AIBU?

To want to let colleagues know that this "lovely gesture" is making me feel like crap

191 replies

KeithLeMonde · 23/11/2017 15:21

Every now and again someone at work does this "Random Acts of Kindness" thing where they wrap little gifts in lovely paper and pop them into people's pigeonholes anonymously with nice messages about how lovely the person is.

Each time they do it they seem to pick a selection of colleagues. It seems to be about 1/3 of the people each time. It's obviously different people each time they do it. One of my colleagues has had a gift every time - she is obviously lovely. The other women who I share an office with have had gifts once or twice. I have never received one.

I know this is meant to be nice but I feel like everyone at work fucking hates me.

The recipients send round these all staff emails (because the gifts are anonymous) saying how lovely it is to be appreciated. And I sit there (as do probably a few others) feeling like shit because it seems like no-one appreciates me.

I am not horrible at work I don't think. I am friendly. I work hard. I go out of my way to help people out.

I am just burning with a desire to let the RAOK person know that it's not nice to play favourites and that you can't plan a whole-class party and not invite one child. Yes, I am 44 not 6. Rubbish at my age to feel like the little girl in the playground that no-one wants to play with.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 23/11/2017 15:23

What, is this an official thing, or officially-sanctioned?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2017 15:24

I would start laughing about it. Does any of the people you get on with get a gift regularly? Then I'd start there and start calling it, "RAO Passive Aggression" with a Grin

KeithLeMonde · 23/11/2017 15:24

Nope not official AFAIK.

OP posts:
Whereisthetinsel · 23/11/2017 15:24

Even yourself lots!!

bibliomania · 23/11/2017 15:25

You're not alone, OP. Why does it have to turn into a popularity contest?

TheSpottedZebra · 23/11/2017 15:26

Then it is wierd as fuck!

And you should rise above it. And the manager ought to step in and stop it.
It's basically playing favourites, publically.

But rest assured, if you can't remember who else hasn't got one, then people won't notice nor remember you not getting one.

TheSpottedZebra · 23/11/2017 15:27

Or leave a preset in your own pigeonhole. Often.

TheSpottedZebra · 23/11/2017 15:28

A preset, OR a present.

fuzzywuzzy · 23/11/2017 15:28

YANBU, I think it’s a really cliquey thing to do and bound to upset some people.

I’d personally feel patronised for receiving such a gift. I’m doing job.

I don’t know what the solution is.

MissionItsPossible · 23/11/2017 15:28

If I've read the OP I take it it's just one person doing this? Is there one person that you don't get along with?

BackInTheRoom · 23/11/2017 15:28

Buy yourself something? Maybe start the ball rolling?! You might shine a torch on yourself and they'll think OMG KeithLeMonde is awesomely nice, how come we forgot about her?!

MissionItsPossible · 23/11/2017 15:28

I would absolutely hate this by the way.

buckeejit · 23/11/2017 15:29

That's rubbish. I'd buy myself something really elaborate & leave it in my own pigeonhole gushing about how amazing I am. Then, I'd say 'wow isn't it fabulous to be appreciated' and if anyone enquired further, I'd just tell the truth that I was feeling low about everyone else getting a RAOK & decided to help myself feel better

TheFifthKey · 23/11/2017 15:29

Definitely leave one in your own, and send out the email. It makes you look appreciated and will get the back up of whoever is doing it!

toooldforthisshirt37 · 23/11/2017 15:29

That is the problem with "random" things. They can feel not so random if you are the one on the outside.

I am sure the person means well and doesn't mean to leave you out but that doesn't make it feel any better does it?

I am sorry that you are feeling bad. Flowers

AnotherGreenDot · 23/11/2017 15:29

Oh that would upset me too. The problem is it's random and very subjective. Some people are very obviously 'lovely', others are lovely in a more private way. Maybe you don't know that many people there yet?

BestZebbie · 23/11/2017 15:29

I'd be tempted to do an all-staff thank-you email myself, that will confuse the giver! :-)

(It's probably not actually a good idea though, in case it comes out that you did so without getting a gift as that would just draw attention/look weird).

EvilRinguBitch · 23/11/2017 15:30

Surely random acts of kindness are meant to be random, not determined by the recipients’ loveliness. Alternatively maybe they’re determining the recipient according to the roll of a die and you’re just unlucky. YANBU to be annoyed either way.

KurriKurri · 23/11/2017 15:30

Is it one woman doing the RAOK ?
I find it slighty bizarre actually and a bit playgroundy (which is probably why it is making you have playgroundy feelings. It's all a bit 'look at me Mary's my best friend'.)
No real need for it (I'm sure lots of folk will come on and say 'AWW it's lovely but it's not lovely if she's leaving people out, it is a bit shitty. )More like random acts of sucking up and playing favourites. Reminds me of those awful 'Who's your favourite MNers' thread that pop up on here every so often, childish crap.

I'd probaby be tempted to do some random acts of mayhem Grin

But honestly if it is one person, then that is all it is - just one slightly bonkers person, - doesn't mean no one likes you. In fact do you want to be liked by someone who goes around making people feel left out and excluded from the special random gifts club ?

KeithLeMonde · 23/11/2017 15:30

Mission apparently there is. I don't know who though!

That's why I feel like sending out an all staff email headed "To the person who obviously hates me"

I feel sad and then I feel guilty about making it all about me when it's obviously supposed to be a nice gesture. You know what, I might buy myself a massive chocolate bar and write myself a card saying how awesome I am.

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 23/11/2017 15:32

I'd raise it with a boss or HR. It's fine if they do it for everyone but not if they are only doing it for some people. You have to complain anonymously though or everyone will think you're a total Grinch.

Shadow666 · 23/11/2017 15:33

Also, if you feel that way other people will probably be feeling that way too.

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PoisonousSmurf · 23/11/2017 15:34

Do you see the gifts sitting in the pigeon holes? I'd move them around just to cause chaos, bwa, ha, ha!

No I wouldn't get one either and to be honest wouldn't want one. Far too CREEPY thing to be doing in an office.

KeithLeMonde · 23/11/2017 15:34

Thank you all for saying that IANBU. I feel like a right misery and selfish bastard for not gushing over how lovely the gesture is like everyone else.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 23/11/2017 15:36

No Keith, not necessarily one person you don't get on with, could be:

One person who likes golf/cats/WoW and rewards people who've said nice things about it
One person who is insecure, and tries to buy friends
One person who likes you, but likes others more
One person who has had rucks with other people so sends them gifts to say sorry.

It could be any of that. Or similar.

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