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Borrowing money from son's savings

(113 Posts)
sailorcherries Thu 23-Nov-17 07:16:55

So I'm on mat leave and this is the last pay day where I will recieve smp, in December it'll be a full wage again thankfully.

DS2 was completely unplanned and followed a house move so savings were thin on the ground but we tried to do as best we could.

I've used my savings however I've also ended up borrowing £1500 to date from my son's savings. My smp was almost £1100 less than my wage, and it just wasn't possible to survive otherwise.

DS1 (7) had over £6000 in savings that he has no access to until he is at least 18. I borrowed money from here. The money will all be replaced by this time next year, and definitely before he's 18.

I've felt awful for using the money but we genuinely couldn't have survived otherwise, unless I returned to work early. My DM is a trustee for this savings account also and looked at her online statement, noticing the missing money. She had a go at me, calling me selfish and a thief essentially.

Was I really being unreasonable to borrow the money when it was really necessary? It's not something I've done before and I'm not proud, but it will be replaced and DS1 will never be any the wiser nor miss out as a result.

Laiste Thu 23-Nov-17 07:19:29

Well i don't think you've done anything wrong. You intend to pay it back and know it's within your means to do so.

Better than your DS had a roof over his head and some food in his tummy over this time rather than an untouched savings account which he can't get to for over a decade anyway.

But you'll get differing views.

confusedlittleone Thu 23-Nov-17 07:19:47

Why isn't their dad supporting you? Has the savings come from you or your dm?

SuperBeagle Thu 23-Nov-17 07:20:04

Was it money your DM had put into the account for him?

I think as long as the money is replaced as soon as feasibly possible, it's a non-issue. But at the same time, if the money came from your mother, I can see why she might be miffed about it.

NapQueen Thu 23-Nov-17 07:20:58

What was the money used for? Wasnt your dp/dh able to cover usual expenses?

fleurjasmine Thu 23-Nov-17 07:21:39

I think you should have let your mum know first, to be honest.

Laiste Thu 23-Nov-17 07:21:40

When my younger three were growing up i would sometimes need to borrow from their savings accounts. I'm talking smaller amounts - 20/50 quid - for food. I would pay it back as soon as. I too felt bad at the time. I wouldn't now. Older and wiser.

clarrylove Thu 23-Nov-17 07:24:32

Your mum is a trustee. You should have spoken to her first and got her permission. Perhaps she could have lent you the money?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 23-Nov-17 07:26:33

If your mum is a trustee you should have spoken to her first. It wasn't your decision to take.

YellowMakesMeSmile Thu 23-Nov-17 07:26:57

I can see why your mum is cross, I would be too. The money is not yours.

I'd have returned from maternity earlier rather than take from another's savings.

sailorcherries Thu 23-Nov-17 07:30:58

I am also a trustee of the account, however I couldn't be a sole trustee as I was 17 when it was opened and needed her to also sign as a trustee. However she is not the sole trustee nor has she ever bothered with the account before.

The money in the account is pocket money I've transferred, money recieved for birthdays and christmases etc. Not from one specific person.

The money was used for food, covering fuel, covering clubs for DS and so on. Essentially my SMP covered just less than my half of the joint bills, I then have £400 each month for fuel/car/phone/insurance/DS1 clubs. So I really needed about £500 extra a month to make ends meet. This came from DS1 savings and my own.

My OH has a lower paying job than me and he has scraped by this month with his savings being used on work in the house that really did need done, especially with a newborn.

sailorcherries Thu 23-Nov-17 07:35:05

I don't even know if trustee is the right word. We are the only two people who can view the account, ask for statements or remove money.

x2boys Thu 23-Nov-17 07:37:32

Savings are a nice thing to have but pretty useless having all that money in the bank if you can't afford to feed yourself and your family imo .

Laiste Thu 23-Nov-17 07:37:44

So what's your DMs problem? Does she think you wont pay it back? Would she rather you'd taken out a loan or a credit card? Or did she think she should have been consulted?

It was you who saved all this money for you son. The money was needed urgently. The money got used (by the person who put it there) and the money will go back.

Slartybartfast Thu 23-Nov-17 07:37:47

I think you need to stop the amount you are putting in at the moment. It is crazy to make yourself skint.
Stop the payments and restart them, at a lower rate, when you

MinervaSaidThar Thu 23-Nov-17 07:41:16

Could she also withdraw money? I would try and remove DM as trustee. I don't think you can trust someone who calls you selfish and a theif.

She may remove the money to put in her account to keep for DS.

Laiste Thu 23-Nov-17 07:41:35

slarty the money is DS's money accruing over the years. OP is not putting her own money in making herself skint. She said:

The money in the account is pocket money I've transferred, money recieved for birthdays and christmases etc. Not from one specific person.

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 23-Nov-17 07:42:15

So your mother didn't lodge the money in the first place? Tell her to do one and have her removed as a trustee. What would she rather that you were all on the breadline while thousands sat there unused? Madness! Yanbu, after Christmas standing order to pay it back over a year's two. Once he doesn't miss out on what you would have been putting in anyway, if you get me, then no harm at all done

Cat2014 Thu 23-Nov-17 07:44:40

Absolutely not being unreasonable. I have done the same and would do again. As long as you’re using it to make ends meet or for stuff for him, it’s not an issue and what that money is for!! Having savings is a luxury that comes above the need to meet basic living expenses (including the odd club for ds as that is valuable) imo. Your mum is being unfair.

Littlepond Thu 23-Nov-17 07:50:16

I've done this too. Paid it all back. Honestly, if there is 6k in a bank and you are struggling to buy food then I'd think you daft not to use it.

IslingtonLou Thu 23-Nov-17 07:50:32

Honestly just remove her from the account or open a new savings account?

Obviously your circumstances have changed since the account was opened at 17. She doesn’t input anything but monitors the account and can take money herself whenever? Do you really want her having full access of this account until your son is 18?

WilyMinx Thu 23-Nov-17 07:52:05

YANBU at all. I should think a 7 year old would appreciate food and shelter over £6000 in the bank which he can't touch for another 11 years. Can you remove your mum as a trustee? I think you alone would be adequate, and it would save you some heartache.

Orangeplastic Thu 23-Nov-17 07:53:26

We save for our dcs in our bank account - effectively on a spreadsheet for this exact reason, no point in the dcs having $$$ in a bank account, while an unexpected event means we struggle to pay the mortgage and put food on the table - our dcs having a roof over their heads right here and now is more important than a lump sum at 18 - we plan on them having both but plans don't always work. Of course you didn't want to dip into this money but it would make no sense not to. I think if you had spent the money on a holiday or new handbag they you would have been unreasonable - but drawing on it for a rainy day is the right thing to do, imo.

SD1978 Thu 23-Nov-17 07:53:36

I’d open a new account as others have said. Unless this money was from her, she doesn’t have a right to tell you what to do with it- Birthday/pocket money is given to the parent to spend on the child, but really you can do what you want with it. I wOils be closing down the account, or only leaving s nominal amount in it and transferring the rest out. If it’s needed for your family now, then that should be your decision and choice

NorksAkimbo72 Thu 23-Nov-17 07:54:35

We did it too...borrowed from money we'd saved for both Dcs from the time they were babies. My thinking is that they are growing up to be people who would be happy that we borrowed from them during a rough period rather than struggle. Not unreasonable.

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