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To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

(614 Posts)
Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:11:30

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 23-Nov-17 05:16:52

What time does he go? I mean can you spend most of Xmas Eve with him?

steff13 Thu 23-Nov-17 05:16:55

Yes, I think you're being unreasonable. It's clearly important to him. Wrap presents on the 23rd.

yowerohotesies Thu 23-Nov-17 05:20:02

Yabu as you can just go to bed at 11pm when he leaves. He of course should do his fair share of the wrapping before he goes.

Trying to get a Christian to do less Christian celebration at Christmas is very unreasonable.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Thu 23-Nov-17 05:21:16

If he wants to take the children then he should get them ready and take them. Being bored won't harm them. If you don't want to go, don;t.

Fakenameforthis Thu 23-Nov-17 05:21:26

Attending church is pretty important to Christians. Midnight Mass doesn’t usually begin till 11 at the earliest, is it far away? Unless there are carol services during the evening I imagine he is around till then.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 23-Nov-17 05:23:04

Being bored won't harm them.

It's Christmas and you want to prioritise the feelings of a grown man over the feelings and sleep of primary school aged children?

I agree that he should go but why on earth should the children have to?

Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:23:13

He'll normally head out about 11pm if i remember rightly. Yes, the dc have usually (finally ) fallen asleep by then, so im wrapping most stuff while hes out. We could wrap another day i suppose, but its harder to hide then as it needs storing better with nice wrapping /bows etc, and we have little space so its easier to do at the last minute.
I just think it would be nice not to be abandoned one year after over a decade of it!

Cupcakegirl13 Thu 23-Nov-17 05:23:14

Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ , surely when you married a Christian you understood the nature of this ? YABU. Wrap presents before he leaves or do it before Christmas Eve.

Hmmalittlefishy Thu 23-Nov-17 05:23:44

Can you move your present wrapping evening forward? Then you can feel more relaxed and less pressure on Christmas eve and more likely to be happy for your dh to go and celebrate Christmas at church.

Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:24:39

Cupcake, you made a big assumption there. He wasn't religious when we got married.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 23-Nov-17 05:26:50

Why can't the presents be wrapped and under the tree days before Xmas?

Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:27:30

Also like to say that he has nothing else to do with present planning, buying, letters to santa reindeer food, etc, do the least he could do is help with the wrapping.
We have an open plan house so wait until dc are asleep before getting stuff out to wrap. This can be pretty late on xmas eve!

Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:28:14

mrst because santa delivers them.

Lanaa Thu 23-Nov-17 05:29:24

I think YABU. It’s important to religious people to go to midnight Mass. TBH lots of people who don’t normally attend church go as it’s a beautiful mass. Hold you compromise by wrapping the gifts together and then adding the bows etc when he gets back from the mass?

FeistyColl Thu 23-Nov-17 05:30:28

Your dh is a committed, practising Christian, and you want him to miss a service at Christmas to wrap presents? You must surely see how unreasonable that is.

catsarenice Thu 23-Nov-17 05:31:50

Could you all go to a crib service together instead? The one near me is held at 4pm and again at 6pm so you'd still have the evening all together and the late night to wrap.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 23-Nov-17 05:32:42

There's your problem. Santa brings the stocking (easy to hide and portable) and parents/GPs etc. buy the big presents. MUCH easier.

Also, he needs to do his share before Xmas...

FeistyColl Thu 23-Nov-17 05:33:02

Presumably your dc sleep on other nights prior to Christmas Eve?
YANBU to want dh to contribute and participate in the organisation of things, but that isn't what you asked

Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:35:06

lanaa so really you mean wrap another day?
feisty actually, he gets one morning and one evening every single week to practice. I dont think its unreasonable to want some company on xmas eve (and share some of the work) once in ten years. Did you miss that he wants to go on xmas day as well? Why do his wishes trump those of his wife and kids, every single year?

FeistyColl Thu 23-Nov-17 05:35:27

Wrapped presents then go back wherever it was that the unwrapped presents were kept.....

ButchyRestingFace Thu 23-Nov-17 05:36:20

YABVU and a bit dramatic to refer to being "abandoned" by your husband going to midnight mass to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ at Christmas. I say that as a lapsed Catholic atheist.

It does sound as if you have other issues around him pulling his weight and it would be eminently reasonable to address those concerns, rather than him going to mass on a religious festival.

Jellybellyqueen Thu 23-Nov-17 05:36:23

cats could do, but thats not what he wants to do.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 23-Nov-17 05:36:41

TBH it would be grounds for divorce in this house but DH wouldn't be recognizable if he found God.

Is he generally a committed and family-oriented man? Or is this just a family avoiding hobby like cycling or golf?

IsItThursdayYet Thu 23-Nov-17 05:40:19

YABU. Wrap presents on the 23rd. Though it seems it's another case of you've already decided YANBU and just want us to agree with you.

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