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To wish life would give us a break?

(20 Posts)
IJustNeedaKitkat Thu 23-Nov-17 03:35:26

November 2016, my then 16m old DD ended up on intensive care with a bad chest infection, we nearly lost her twice. At that point she already had a few known problems.

In the year since then it's been one thing after another. Held back at Nursery due to fears about her development, she was a late walker and still doesn't talk. She's had repeated chest infections, colds, and coughs. She gets random rashes and skin reactions. She's been admitted to hospital twice more since the beginning of 2017. She misses Nursery regularly to see this doctor or this nurse for this condition and that condition and still I get passed from pillar to post and no-one can tell me anything, paeds are waiting for respiratory who're waiting for ENT who're waiting for Orthopedics who don't know their arse from their elbow, they're supposed to review DD every 3 months but they're always at least 6 months behind on reviews, she's had 1 this year when she should of had 4.

And I make a fuss, I contact PALs, my GP and the health visitor all make noises but all it comes down to is "we're understaffed and have a huge number of patients".

And then DH has a condition that needs an op. There's only two doctors in our area that can do this operation, he was supposed to have it in February but then they delayed it until May, then tried a cheaper treatment which hasn't worked and now he's waiting on the operation again and all the while he too is picking up infection after infection and needing antibiotics and then getting told off by the GP because he's going to become resistant to Antibiotics. And he's complained and PALs have complained and the GP has complained but it's the same again, not enough doctors and too many pateints.

And then I seem to suffer. I've done so well with my mental health up to now. I had bad PND after DD was born but I had counselling, went on antidepressants and got support. I was through the other side. But now I just want to run away again.

Since June I've been suffering with recurrent ear infections. I know the signs now and get myself to the GP as soon as I'm getting symptoms. Today I've been back thinking I'm getting symptoms again but my ears impacted, quite badly. The nurse couldn't syringe it, she said it's one of the worst impactations she's ever seen which means I need a referral to hospital. I'm in so much pain my ear feels like it's about to explode. It doesn't feel fair, I clean my ears with olive oil drops regularly, wear ear plugs with Vaseline in the shower and use dry shampoo instead, wear a hat when it's windy - all things I've been told to do by the doctor to help prevent infection and yet I still seem to suffer. I think childbirth is easier than this.

I am probably being UR. I just want to run away and cry until the pain goes away. DD has yet another appointment tomorrow and I don't know how I'm going to manage as I've got very little hearing in that ear and the pressure is so so bad. I've taken painkillers, but they only dull the pain not cure it. DH is working so he can't take her.

I can't sleep because it hurts, but I'm so tired.

I just want the pain to stop and life to give me a break.

Rainatnight Thu 23-Nov-17 03:38:41

You poor thing. That all sounds really tough. I don't have any great advice, but didn't want to read and run.

Is there anyone you can bring with you to the appointment as back up? And while you're there, can you ask for stronger painkillers for your ear? Everything would seem better if you weren't in pain and any kind of pain in your head is the worst. flowers

Rainatnight Thu 23-Nov-17 03:39:30

Oh sorry, realise DD appointment may not be GP. Can you also get to the GP about your ear - say it's an emergency?

LoveProsecco Thu 23-Nov-17 06:12:41

Sending you a hug. That's a lot tocopherol with & you sound amazing!

MrsZippyLake Thu 23-Nov-17 06:24:49

Oh OP that sounds awful. My DD2 has bronchiolitis at age 5 weeks and we were
in and out of hospital for the next 2-3 years but it's much better now as her lungs have grown older and stronger.

On the ear front - I recently had dreadful tinnitus caused by impacted ear wax. I went to a clinic in London (although there are clinics everywhere) to have them microsuctioned. My GP told me I needed olive oil to soften the wax so that delayed things a lot but it turned out that you don’t need drops for microsuctioning so I could have had it done the same day. The relief was instant and amazing. Do your research though as microsunctioning needs to be done by someone who knows what they are doing. Also the nurse I saw said that olive oil can inflame the ear canal and make things worse.

Roystonv Thu 23-Nov-17 06:32:33

Wishing you all the best; such things are very draining and you do feel why me all the time and please can we have a break. My ds and partner have had two years of constant struggle one thing after another. I do hope things all improve soon for

IJustNeedaKitkat Thu 23-Nov-17 13:18:51

I went back to the doctors earlier but they can't give me anything. I'm allergic to codeine and they don't want me taking anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen as they've said that could reduce the size of my ear canal and cause more damage, but they have said the ANP can see me first thing tomorrow morning to make sure it's not become infected.

YouCantArgueWithStupid Thu 23-Nov-17 13:42:16

Lots of sympathy for you OP. We had a period like this from late 2015 to late 2016 and it nearly pushed me over the edge flowersflowers

redexpat Thu 23-Nov-17 14:07:41

Thats really rubbish. I hope 2018 is kinder to you and your family flowers

Sirzy Thu 23-Nov-17 14:10:58

It’s exhausting.

You need to make sure that whatever is going on you do make time for you even if that is just going and sitting alone in a Cafe for half an hour once a week.

IJustNeedaKitkat Thu 23-Nov-17 16:22:51

I just feel so awful for DD, she's been at an appointment this morning and then now I'm home I can't do anything because I'm in pain so she's watching Cbeebies again. I'm supposed to be trying to help her get better but I can't because I;m in too much pain.

blueberryporridge Thu 23-Nov-17 17:10:45

Oh that sounds horrible. Sometimes life seems to go through phases when everything goes wrong but hopefully things will start improving soon. You are doing a great job - hang on in there and keep pushing for your DD and DH to get the help they need. Try to get some time to yourself too when you can - even 20 mins reading a magazine or going for a walk by yourself can help. PS I used to have bad problems with ear wax and found that olive oil made things much worse. I use Audiclean every day now and can't remember the last time I had to get them syringed.

IJustNeedaKitkat Thu 23-Nov-17 17:23:44

I've missed DDs teatime and she's hungry, so beans on toast it is as I can't be bothered to properly cook. She's in Nursery tomorrow where the main meal is a much healthier chicken and leak pie with mash, green beans or peas and sweetcorn, so I think she'll be ok.

LakieLady Thu 23-Nov-17 17:43:33

Oh OP, that is really tough. Waiting for medical treatment/tests/surgery is bad enough when it's you, but even worse when it's your kids, and to have similar concerns with your DH too is a hell of a lot to have on your plate. And earache is so painful!

I'm considering paying £3.5k to have an operation done privately rather than wait another year. It really rankles, because I don't agree with it, ethically speaking. I was first referred by my GP over 2 years ago, it took a year to see the consultant and he tried a non-surgical treatment first which did sod all, so i've only actually been on the waiting list for 6 months. I'm just sick and tired of the constant pain and being unable to lift my arm above shoulder height.

Would this be an option for your DH?

Sirzy Thu 23-Nov-17 17:46:51

Don’t worry about some days not being able to entertain dd or feed her the best meals. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.

Some days all that matters is everyone getting through the day in one piece

IJustNeedaKitkat Thu 23-Nov-17 17:58:08

Lakie We only earn just over £14k a year between us, we get help with childcare by tax credits but have still maxed out a £2k credit card and are very close to our overdraft limit most months - not through lack of trying we both work, but can only afford to run one car which DH needs for work as he works FT so I have to get DD to her appointments on public transport which costs anything between £5 and £10 a time a couple of times a month and it soon adds up. We claim it back but we do have to wait anything up to 8 weeks for that money, so private isn't an option, I wish it was as it would be so much easier.

Sirzy Thu 23-Nov-17 17:59:35

Have you applied for DLA for her? From what you have said it may well be worth a try and it sOunds like it would help massively

BronteBell Thu 23-Nov-17 18:13:21

I really feel for you. In the last 6 years, we have had a cancer diagnosis each, a house fire where my son and husband were both injured, parents and inlaws in and out of hospital, a granddaughter diagnosed with a serious lifelong illness and now I'm losing my hair at a fast rate of knots due to the stress of it all.

flowers and cake for you. Good luck

IJustNeedaKitkat Thu 23-Nov-17 18:24:52

She gets lower rate DLA but non of the extras that she gets with Middle Rate or Higher Rate, so no mobility no extra tax credits no pupil premium at Nursery, it's just £20 a week which gets absorbed into the household expenses generally.

IJustNeedaKitkat Fri 24-Nov-17 18:41:42

ANP says both ears are infected and I've perforated the eardrum in both ears. It's cleared the impactation but they now want to keep an eye on me.

I'm now on about 5 different medicines including Antibiotics, Strong Painkillers, and a steroid spray.

DH is working tonight and tomorrow so got to get through the pain (can't take the painkillers while DD is awake as they make me very tired and I have no proper hearing so I need to be alert enoguh to react) and then he's off for 3 days so should be able to help.

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