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Why aren't parents more honest about baby days?

(222 Posts)
ZombieVampireHedgehog Thu 23-Nov-17 02:35:41

I responded to a thread of a Mum struggling, I wondered why there's this, oh best pretend I'm Super Mum. Wouldn't we help more parents if we were honest that at times it's hard work. Some really struggled through baby days and didn't really enjoy it.

I don't think it makes us bad admitting our most trying parenting moments. Or the fact having a baby latched to your boobs 22/24 hours of the day is tiring. BF is hard work, as I guess cloth nappies must be.

We won't be sent to the guillotine. We could actually help.

I know super Mums exist, I thrived more as a parent when they were older. Where these super Mums on SM are mostly about youngest DC, the older ones pretty much do their own thing.

From tummy time to those daft black and white books, meant to turn your DC into Einstein. So many fads. Ooh organic jars and now it's baby led weaning. I admit I did the Annabelle C recipes which DC hated. It's all about textures grin

RhinoGirl Thu 23-Nov-17 02:42:46

The newborn stage is bloody hard work! DD is just becoming funny, easier to play with me, smiley, laughing rolling. It’s all so much easier now but my days the newborn stage is such a blur, not in a good way.

RhinoGirl Thu 23-Nov-17 02:43:40

I type this as shes awake at this time due to teething and I am not used to it anymore and my head feels foggy sad

saoirse31 Thu 23-Nov-17 02:49:28

Hate these threads, sometimes babies r easygoing, and minding them is great, not a lot of sleep but easy. It happens and you shouldn't have to feel guilty because of it.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Thu 23-Nov-17 02:50:18

I agree. However its hard to admit when you're in a room full of "perfect mothers" who's little darlings sleep from 8pm-8pm. Never cried.Were potty trained before they were one. Much prefer sprouts to a MacDonald's.
I swear I must have had the only baby who ever cried, woke up in the night, threw tantrums.
Oh and when she went to school. All the other parent was saying. They wanted to put her/him straight into year one, but. They're not allowed to do that now.
So I could have had the only child in the year group.
She'd have ready for Cambridge University by the time she was 7 with all the one to one teaching she'd have had. grin

MimiSunshine Thu 23-Nov-17 02:57:06

But it’s all relative isn’t it? Not everyone going through the same or similar experience will find it a struggle.

I didn’t, yes there were difficult times, yes sometimes I had to hand the baby over to my boyfriend and say keep her distracted I can’t possibly feed her again right now she’s surely not hungry but overall I still found it easy.
Obviously every day was a challenge but if the choice is struggle or easy then I have to come down on the easy side.

Doesn’t mean I’m a super Mum or denying how I really felt or worse trying to make anyone else feel bad or less.

ethelfleda Thu 23-Nov-17 03:10:30

Currently reading AIBU to keep me awake while breast feeding my 3 week old 😴
When does the new born stage end??

ButterfliesAreWeird Thu 23-Nov-17 03:16:46

Well most people only struggle when the baby is sick or they have something wrong. And the healthy eating and teaching etc is just a part of normal parenting. So most people are being honest

LittleKiwi Thu 23-Nov-17 03:26:20

Errrr... As this is an anonymous board I can say that I didn’t find the baby stage hard AT ALL - I had sleepy delightful babies and spent the first few months each time in a blissful cocoon of bf’ing, watching tv, reading and co-sleeping. Heaven. Partly why I keep having babies, of course!

Didn’t have a single day where I found it difficult or stressful. Just got really lucky.

Frillyhorseyknickers Thu 23-Nov-17 03:27:08

People seem to want me to admit I'm not enjoying it. My 8wk old wakes up twice a night and is EBF, I expected to be woken up at least this many times with a newborn so it's not an issue. I love feeding him, I have hand on heart loved every single minute of him being a newborn, people and their negativity can fuck off.

NerrSnerr Thu 23-Nov-17 03:32:57

Even though my baby doesn’t sleep well I find the baby stage easy. I have an older child and for me the baby stage is much easier than dealing with toddlers. We’re all different.

vlooby Thu 23-Nov-17 03:37:35

I agree OP.

I think some people don't talk about the bits they find difficult, for fear of a negative response and so those that are finding it difficult are in danger of feeling they are the only ones.

I think it is only natural some people will find it easier than others, but personally I don't think we're great at discussing it.

Lollipop30 Thu 23-Nov-17 03:44:10

I think it depends on the child and circumstances too. I’ve been lucky to get easy babies so far (praying this ones as easygoing!) But I really felt for my best friend and sis in law who had babies 2weeks either side. Both screamed from day dot and were not easy at all. One had horrific colic and turned out to have dairy allergies and the other I’m not sure about. DD1 had a single day when she was like this for jabs and it was hell, so so hard. Really made me appreciate the cards I’d been dealt and certainly gave me some insight into their daily lives.

CoyoteCafe Thu 23-Nov-17 03:49:51

My first baby was very easy and I thought I was super mom.

My second child screamed for the first several months and I understood how a parent could loose it and smash their baby into a wall. (I didn't, instead I called my DH and told him he had to come home immediately).

Part of it really does come down to the child that you are given and the amount of support you have.

deptfordgirl Thu 23-Nov-17 03:58:07

My ds slept terribly but I found breastfeeding very easy and overall the baby days a lot easier and less stressful than now. I actually binge watched my way through most of netflix while breastfeeding on the sofa! He's now 2 and I love him dearly but he is so full of energy, defiant and has a tantrum at least once a day. What I found the hardest during the baby days was the pressure from others/books to, e.g., not let him feed to sleep, wean by 1, get him into a routine by 6 months. Next time I will follow my instinct more and be more laidback.

ethelfleda Thu 23-Nov-17 05:40:23

I hate admitting that my baby has been a good and easy baby so far! This is because I am mainly worried I will jinx it and also because I don't want to sound smug! I feel bad, almost like I don't deserve to have such a good baby - especially after such an easy pregnancy and relatively straight forward birth!

MsJuniper Thu 23-Nov-17 05:45:15

Isn’t this exactly what MN is for? Threads like this will always bring out those who had an easier time but I’ve never seen a new Mum reach out for help/advice/support and not get plenty of voices saying yes, it was tough for me too.

Pengggwn Thu 23-Nov-17 05:56:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBakeryQueen Thu 23-Nov-17 06:05:07

Totally agree with the part of CoyoteCafe's post that says it comes down to the amount of support you have!

Supportive partner, doting grandparents, healthy finances etc would hugely contribute to a positive parenting experience.

The poster who describes living in a blissful bubble in the early days, sounds lovely but how did you manage that with older children to care for? I'm guessing you had good support?

Placebogirl Thu 23-Nov-17 06:08:05

Weirdly, I fucking hated the baby stage (until they were about 10 months) but never minded the cloth nappies. Which is not to say that anyone who struggles is wrong, just...the nappies never really worried me! The utter, unrelenting DEPENDENCE on the other hand....*shudders*. I have a toddler and one about to start school now, and I love these ages smile.

SleepingBooty Thu 23-Nov-17 06:11:41

I loved the baby stage but then I did have babies that fed and slept well. The toddler and preschooler stage however was awful.

Drycleanonly7 Thu 23-Nov-17 06:12:41

LittleKiwi, you really have been lucky. No PTSD, induced twice, drip, ventouse, epidural, severe abdominal pain, awful external piles, broken toe three days after giving birth, crutches, cocodomal induce dizzy paranoia, insomnia, anxiety, colic, jaundice baby then like me? Might have influenced your opinion on the baby days perhaps.

I loved the newborn stage (after I got over the sadness of not breastfeeding due to me needing medication). 6 month old however was horrible. She screamed at me constantly for about 4 weeks (teething and illness I think). 20 months is so much better though. She is hilarious

BertrandRussell Thu 23-Nov-17 06:18:18

In my experience, on Mumsnet at least, the merest suggestion that the early days can be lovely -or even just not awful- will produce a torrent of opprobrium. I reckon anyone relying on this place for advice would never, ever have a baby!

upperlimit Thu 23-Nov-17 06:18:45

I found the baby stage really hard. I don't make a secret of it. I think I may have had an easy ride if ds3 were my first baby but by then there was no opportunity to 'sleep when your baby sleep'.

Saying that though, I found the toddler stage really easy, exciting and rewarding. I wouldn't barge in on a thread with a mum who was struggling to say so though grin.

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