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To wonder if any men widowed under the age of 60 stay single?

(88 Posts)
lavenderferns Wed 22-Nov-17 20:03:16

It seems to me most find a partner within six to twelve months of their wife dying. Happy to be proved wrong?

CreepyPasta Wed 22-Nov-17 20:12:10

My DD was 54 when DM died. He's 72 now and has never been in another relationship. I think it's really sad. I wish he'd found someone else.

EmilyChambers79 Wed 22-Nov-17 20:16:13

My Grandad was widowed at 65 and died at 95 never meeting anyone else because he loved my Nan too much.

My other Grandad was widowed at 60 and was remarried by the time he was 62. They divorced and he was married another two times before he got to 70.

He died divorced for the third time at 71.

A girl I went to school with died in her sleep at 35. She left her husband and two girls and he is getting remarried next year, three years after she died.

ButtonLoon Wed 22-Nov-17 20:17:20

A friend of mine (35ish) was widowed 2 years ago and seems fairly content with just his cats. smile

My brother got into a serious relationship 2-3 years after he was widowed. (mid 30s too)

VeganIan Wed 22-Nov-17 20:20:23

My widowed DF found someone very quickly (weeks) but then he'd been living with a very ill partner for years and it had long ceased being a romantic or supportive relationship.

He said that as a healthy, financially secure single man in his 60s he was in a minority and had garnered quite a lot of interest from the ladies.

foxessocks Wed 22-Nov-17 20:20:46

My grandad was widowed in his 60s and never met anyone else. He died recently in his 90s. I do think he was quite lonely although he did have lots of family around him.

IJoinedJustToPostThis Wed 22-Nov-17 20:24:56

My MIL's partner has had a few relationships since she died about a decade ago, but none have worked out yet. His first was about a year after she went. I hope he does find someone. He is lonely.

Coconutspongexo Wed 22-Nov-17 20:28:48

My uncle is refusing to go near another woman he can’t do it, my Aunty passed away 3 years ago.
He’s just turned 60 this month

AlexaAmbidextra Wed 22-Nov-17 20:36:06

I'm an oncology nurse and we get to know patients and their families well to the extent that many keep in touch after our patient has died. With very few exceptions widowers have formed a relationship with a new woman within a year. Widows on the other hand, are mostly still alone several years later.

Scotinoz Wed 22-Nov-17 20:37:08

My father in law was widowed at 35 and only now at 75 has a very low key 'lady friend' for the first time

lavenderferns Wed 22-Nov-17 20:37:21

That's the same as my experiences Alexa

jumpyfrog Wed 22-Nov-17 20:45:10

My experiences same as Alexa. Why is that?

Just recently, a man in my mum's friendship group became a widow (his wife had a terminal illness, passed last yr) & he has just remarried another lady in their friendship group (who also knew his wife). From chatting to other friends my mum discovered he had emailed 2 of them including her asking them for walks, etc, before he started dating the other lady. I found it weird.

silverlace Wed 22-Nov-17 20:46:26

My nan and grandad married young and celebrated their silver wedding anniversary before my nan died leaving my grandad a widower in his mid fifties. He remarried within a couple of years and celebrated a second silver wedding with his new wife before she died. Sadly he died shortly after. Two silver weddings must be fairly unusual.

Andrewofgg Wed 22-Nov-17 20:57:20

DW’s grandfather died after 35 years as a widower.

goose1964 Wed 22-Nov-17 20:57:46

Dad lost my mum when they were in their 40s he's still single. He has a significant female friend but when I told him that we wouldn't mind if he remarried he said it was nothing like that. So he's Benn sing for around 25 years

WitchesHatRim Wed 22-Nov-17 20:59:09

My Aunt died when my Uncle was 48. He now for the first time has a 'friend' at 65

curtainpolehistory Wed 22-Nov-17 21:02:28

It makes me sad, how some men can just move on like that.

Yet I also know it's not fair to expect someone to be lonely.

Badgoushk Wed 22-Nov-17 21:04:30

My MIL met her third husband at her second husband's funeral. He was the deceased's childhood best friend!

Achoopichu Wed 22-Nov-17 21:04:39

I might have this in slightly the wrong order, but married men are definitely highest in the happiness stakes -

1. Married men
2. Single women
3. Married women
4. Single men

Maybe that’s something to do with it?

Badgoushk Wed 22-Nov-17 21:05:42

Sorry, I realise we're talking about widowers not widows so my story isn't very relevant!

CountFosco Wed 22-Nov-17 21:10:52

My great uncle was widowed in his 50s and never had another relationship. They had married quite late and didn't have any children.

Of my friend parents who have been widowed the women have all remained single, the men have all remarried, although some much later. I think if anything were to happen to DH I'm not sure I'd ever get married again. Marriage is partly to protect kids and since I'm too old to have any more I'd be doing my children a massive disservice getting remarried. It would need prenups and cast iron wills etc. Easier to just have a FWB situation I'd have thought. But then, why don't the men think that?

BluePheasant Wed 22-Nov-17 21:13:42

My DF was widowed at 51, now 10 years on he hasn’t shown any interest in meeting anyone. I don’t think he will ever actively seek a relationship. He’s very introverted and set in his ways. The only way it would happen is if he happened to meet someone but he doesn’t really do anything that would facilitate that, he just spends most of his days pottering and working on a renovation project. I can’t help feeling it would be nice for him to have a partner to go on days out with etc but It’s up to him. It does seem sad that he’s still so young and spends so much time alone.

MissBeehiving Wed 22-Nov-17 21:18:20

My DF was 64 when DM died. He tried to move the first one in after 2 weeks, which was before DMs memorial service and it was a continuing procession until he married one of them. It was almost as if he had a woman shaped hole in his life and literally any woman would do to fill it. Most of those women seemed absolutely desperate to find someone who was solvent, rather than being with him for anything else.

scrivette Wed 22-Nov-17 21:24:43

Knowing quite a few men who have absolutely adored their wives and then go into new relationships relatively quickly, my parents have come up with this theory...

Men who have had happy marriages seem to want to once again find the happiness they had within their first marriage. It’s not ‘replacing’ their deceased wife, but about wanting to have and share something special again.

VioletHaze Wed 22-Nov-17 21:27:03

I find it very sad that people are being so judgemental about widowers who date again.

My DF was left alone after my DM died under quite distressing circumstances. He was only 47. I would find it really sad if he were still alone now. I think especially because he (like many men) is not super good at friendships or building a support group.

Which is maybe another reason why widowed men tend to remarry more often. It isn't that they aren't as emotional as women - I think a lot of guys just have way fewer relationships in which they think it's OK to express that.

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