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AIBU Wedding Evening Invite- cancellation

(79 Posts)
yy558 Wed 22-Nov-17 16:51:08

Predicament- been invited as an evening guest to a wedding on an weekday, its after the reception/meals for main/day guests and they is a buffet for later for the evening.. AIBU if I cancel last minute even though I RSVPED as attending?

mainly because I am worried about travelling there and travlling back on my own - as i would need to go from work which finishes at late. Then I would have to travel quite a bit to get there and then it would mean I have to leave early to travel back as it means catching trains/public transport as I recently moved quite far away. Not only that, my OH has booked a holiday the day after. I'm going to be exhausted, just to turn up for an hour! As I am only an evening guest- AIBU if I don't attend?

Dozer Wed 22-Nov-17 16:52:53

Yes. It would be rude. The issues you mention were predictable when you moved areas: you could have declined then.

Dozer Wed 22-Nov-17 16:53:28

The hosts will have incurred expense. If you don’t go, do you intend to lie and say you’re ill?

FlexTimeCheekyFucker Wed 22-Nov-17 16:54:31

You've been invited to a party not a wedding. Just tell them you can't go now.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 22-Nov-17 16:55:06


You knew about the travelling time and the date when you replied yes.

Palegreenstars Wed 22-Nov-17 16:55:57

I think it's fine. They aren't paying for a sit down meal for you - send a card and gift and apologies

MyBrilliantDisguise Wed 22-Nov-17 16:56:41

Back out quickly to give them as much notice as possible. Numbers aren't usually finalised until nearer to the date.

Dozer Wed 22-Nov-17 16:57:44

OP says it’s “last minute”.

Trinity66 Wed 22-Nov-17 16:59:06


If it was for the main thing I'd say you were but not for the evening invite, they wouldn't have been able to calculate properly how much food they need anyway for that because only some of the main wedding people will be ready to eat after having the big dinner earlier on

Redglitter Wed 22-Nov-17 16:59:19

Most weddings I've been to in recent years have had things like rolls & sausage at night. I wouldn't think they'd even notice one less. It would be different if you were going for the meal. As pp said you're basically invited to a party

Ragwort Wed 22-Nov-17 16:59:45

How long away is the occasion? I think it is perfectly acceptable to cancel so long as it is more than a week away.

What is the relevance of your OH booking a day's holiday though? confused

Smarshian Wed 22-Nov-17 16:59:50

How last minute? If it's today YABU. If it's next week YANBU if you let them know now.
When I got married we didn't pay per head for the buffet but some places do charge that way, if you give them a weeks notice and send a nice card that should be fine.

GetAwayFromHer Wed 22-Nov-17 16:59:51

They don't like you that much or you'd have been invited to the wedding/ And a wedding isn't a financial transaction. Send a card

LineysRum Wed 22-Nov-17 17:02:07

The last evening do I was at had no food supplied and drinks were from a pay bar. It was just a party / disco thing really and didn't really seem like part of the wedding at all. I doubt anyone would have noticed a single person's absence.

I think you should tell them asap, though.

Gazelda Wed 22-Nov-17 17:02:14

I think it depends on how close the date of the wedding is. And how close you are to the bride and groom.
If you’re good friends, I’d be a bit miffed if you cancelled last minute because you couldn’t face the travel and don’t want to be exhausted for your holiday the next day.

Merida83 Wed 22-Nov-17 17:05:46

It's an evening invite. In the nicest sense you're absence will hardly be missed. And you have what to me are perfectly good reasons not to go.

And to the people saying they have spent money based on you're attending. That's not massively accurate. It's a buffet. Some people eat loads some very little and it's calculated on rough numbers. It's not like you're not turning up for a very expensive sit down meal.

I'd send my apologises and get a decent sleep pre holiday.

Turquoise123 Wed 22-Nov-17 17:05:58

You have made a mistake. That's allowed in life.

But maybe upgrade your present and cancellas soon as you can

yy558 Wed 22-Nov-17 17:06:13

re: friend from school but we hardly see each other but we occasionally bump into each other on the trains. we don't go out together or anything.

its at the end of this week, I thought I would be able to make it but I've just planned out the travel and it's extensive.

Dozer Wed 22-Nov-17 17:08:57

You could have planned the travel and realised this last week and declined then. You clearly don’t want to go, which is fair enough, don't attend, but haven’t handled it politely this time.

BuzzKillington Wed 22-Nov-17 17:10:08

I wouldn't bother going to an evening reception. And tbh, I don't suppose they would mind for an evening only guest.

It's not rude to cancel - not turning up would be rude.

Mamabear4180 Wed 22-Nov-17 17:10:14

YANBU just cancel asap.

W1a Wed 22-Nov-17 17:11:32

How far in advance are we talking? If the wedding is in the next fw weeks then you’re being unreasonable. If it’s next summer then apologise and don’t go.

Trinity66 Wed 22-Nov-17 17:11:48

I didn't even remember who I'd invited to the afters of my wedding, never mind whether they showed up or not lol

Namechangetempissue Wed 22-Nov-17 17:14:16

I think it's a bit shit you have left it so late -end of the week is a day or two as it's already Wednesday. If you are not that close though and you don't mind losing the minor friendship then cancel and send a gift and card. I honestly doubt they will really miss an evening guest and its not a sit down meal you are missing.

cathyclown Wed 22-Nov-17 17:14:51

I don't think it will be a problem at all.

A buffet is not a catered meal for an individual guest.

Just do it and send your regrets.

I would, but I would send a card and a few bob pressie too. If that helps!

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