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Is my partner lying about money to me?

(38 Posts)
xAnnax Wed 22-Nov-17 16:30:21

A month ago I started working for home selling cosmetics for a well known brand. We set it up in my partners name but only because I am a bit deaf so didn't want to face talking to a sales leader and not being able to understand them. It was just easier for him to deal with them.

Anyway, we both deliver the catalogs and he will deliver the orders. Whereas I run our facebook page driving to drive our online sales and I will put the orders through on the computer, fill out forms and bag up the orders ready for him to take out. So, we consider it to be both of our business. Even though it was my idea initially.

The first campaign went really well, collected brochures and then when the delivery came we went around to our customers and delivered it. My partner then took the money the post office to pay for it.

The second campaign went really well, got even more orders and delivered all the items. Anyway, this time my partner took the money to the post office and was informed by the lady there that there systems were down or there was some sort of problem with the machine and it couldn't be paid. Apparently the woman in the Post office put the money in a safe and said for him to come back and they could try again. He knows her personally so he agreed to this. He rang me up and told me at the time.

I was annoyed as I said to him he should have just gone to the bank. It actually isn't our money and I didn't feel ok with it just sitting in a safe even if it was with someone he knew well. I just wanted it paid so that I didn't have to worry about the bill.

He left it about 3 days till he went back to get the money from the post office and this woman (he though i reminded him a few times)

He decided to pay at a different Post office, for whatever reason. And the money went through to his bank account - or so he thought.
I asked to see if it had gone through ok, as was a little bit suspicious about the whole post office story and surprise surprise it wasn't in his account.

He said this would be because the servers may be down at the bank, which happens on a sunday as it has happened before apparently.

After several calls to the bank who said they could see the money on their system but it hadn't gone through, my partner was told to wait a day to see if it went through then.

When it didn't (after me mythering him to check his account) he went down in person to the bank and they said they didn't know where the money was but they could see he'd put it in. They said they'd ring him back after doing some checks into where it had gone. Apparently, it had happened to some other customers too.

I just don't know what to think about this. It just seems to be one thing after another.

My partner hasn't been the best with money, he can be careless with it at times. But I can usually see where it has gone when we work it out . I've suspected he has lied before about money but only the odd £30. This has only happened a few times so I let it pass. However, This is almost £90 and isn't actually our money. I don't want this ruining what i consider my little part time job. As it may do if we don't "find" the money as obviously I can't order my customers next order till I've paid.

I'm not sure if this is the banks fault and they made an error or if he's used it for something else although not sure what. I've not noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Is he lying to me?

MyDcAreMarvel Wed 22-Nov-17 16:32:26

Er yes, the post office don't keep money for you in safes.

LagunaBubbles Wed 22-Nov-17 16:33:49

Of course he is, what a lot of nonsense. All the stuff the bank is supposed to have said to him - I take it it was him that told you this?

LIZS Wed 22-Nov-17 16:34:03

Very odd, why would po lady offer to keep £90. Sorry think he's spent it and is buying time. Mind you NatWest was down yesterday.

Pretenditsaplan Wed 22-Nov-17 16:34:42

Does tbis bank start wjtb a n by any chance? I had similar happen to me a few weeks ago

MickeyLuv Wed 22-Nov-17 16:38:35

I would say so, definitely.

I don;t believe for a second that the Post Office would put someone's money in their safe and tell them to come back in a few days and then give the money back to him!

Secondly - why would he have paid the money into his bank account rather than that of the cosmetics company? As an ex-bank employee, I also don't believe that they would be able to see that the money had been paid in but not be able to tell him where it was. if they can see it, they will know where it is!

If he really did pay the money into the Post Office, then he needs to go back to them and ask them to put a trace on the money. The Bank won;t be able to do it from their end, he needs to go back to wherever he paid it in. I assume he has a stamped receipt?

xAnnax Wed 22-Nov-17 17:21:50

Well he knows the woman at the PO very well which is why she agreed to do it. This isn't like one of those big PO you see in towns, it's just a little corner shop that has a little section that is a PO.

RosaRosaRose Wed 22-Nov-17 17:30:41

Oh dear. The PO will doubtless have really strict rules about this. Small branch or not, we re not in 1935, and I'm sure even then a stamped receipt for the money would have been issued.

xAnnax Wed 22-Nov-17 17:31:33

LagunaBubbles yes it was him that told me this. I wasn't actually there, although I did witness him making the phone call to the bank.

LIZS i thought the same tbh. I told him as much myself. I accused him of lying to me and I gave him the option to admit it. But he kept insisting this is what had happened. I also think he is buying time. Not sure how he could explain where the money went for much longer though, if he is planning on putting it back with his own money.. then he will obviously be short and will need to explain where it's gone as we share all our money. So if he paid the bill, he'd be £90 short somewhere it's not as if that's easy to explain.. it's not just a few quid.

Pretenditsaplan I have no idea to be honest.

MickeyLuv he paid the money into his account so he could pay the company with his bank card on their website. Doing it this way you avoid a 57p charge.

Well, he said they said they can see on their screens or something it's been put in but it's not gone through to the actual account. So they are doing an investigation into this. To be honest, I know how far fetched this sounds.

Just wondering what the hell he's spent the money on.

TrojansAreSmegheads Wed 22-Nov-17 17:31:34

that sounds like a big load of bollocks.

tell him you are going to go speak to these people.

see his reaction to that

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Wed 22-Nov-17 17:31:53

My ex husband was like this with money.

He had a secret gambling addiction. I’m not saying that this is the case him I’m just giving you an insight.

He constantly lied to me about money. Ridiculous excuses (just like the post office story). I stupidly went along with it for over 5 years and it absolutely broke me. I knew on our wedding day I was making a huge mistake. My mother was supportive of me all day but come the evening she genuinely couldn’t face it anymore and went up to her room saying she had a headache (in reality she was heartbroken for me because EVERYONE could see he was a compulsive liar).

I was naive and I didn’t really want to know the truth. I’m still in debt because of him OP.

I know this seems extreme but please please please do you not put yourself in the position I did because it will damn near ruin your life.

Bumdishcloths Wed 22-Nov-17 17:36:47

I would imagine he’s either drunk it or gambled it.

xAnnax Wed 22-Nov-17 18:17:40

Just asked him about the receipt and he says he's lost it. But says he's going back to the post office tomorrow to ask them to trace it on their system.
I said "Ok, I'll go with you then."
His response: "Do whatever you want."

I did consider asking the woman at the PO. But for some reason I feel embarrased to. Maybe in case he is lying. I guess I don't want to look like an idiot, or them knowing he's lied. As I don't want him looking stupid either because I'm nice like that.

My partner has depression and to be honest talking to him about this is difficult as he gets so easily stressed and annoyed. even though I've tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating himself "I've paid it into my account. When this get's sorted I will prove you wrong and you will have to apologise." I feel like I'm going round in circles.

Bumdiscloths if he has drunk it away, he'd have to be gone awhile to drink that much surely. and he'd only been like an hour or two delivering brochures.
I thought maybe he owed somebody money or something.But obviously can't prove anything or even guess what it could be for.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace sorry to hear that. I'm not naive as such as I didn't believe it to begin with but just felt like I had to give him a chance in case I was wrong.

My partner does lie a bit so which is another reason I disbelieved him. Only silly things, that shouldn't even matter that much. Like one time he said he put a deposit on a mattress about £30 (this was at a market) but then never paid the rest of the money off (a further £40) and kept saying "Oh I've not had chance to." even though he could of jumped on the train and paid the market guy. Then as several months went by, it was "Oh I've not seen him." or "I've not been in that area so couldn't pay."
or when he lied about having a few pints in the pub. There was no need to lie. Because of his depression, he views me as negative. But I'm not. I will just be asking where X amount of money as gone, or expressing how I;m worried/upset about something and he'll assume I'm starting an argument. I'm not I'm just trying to discuss something.
With situation like this if I turn around and say "I don't believe you." or whatever, I just get "Don't ring the ambulance next time."

This is referring to when he overdosed. After an argument we had. It's like I can't bring up anything that might make him mad... or he'll say "And you wonder why I have depression."

What am I supposed to do? Let him carry on wasting money/spending it carelessly and lying about it. Can't confront him on how he flies off the handle over trivial things, or his selfish behaviour.

MickeyLuv Wed 22-Nov-17 18:52:57

To be honest, without a receipt I would be very surprised if the Post Office will do anything.

HopeClearwater Wed 22-Nov-17 18:55:37

What am I supposed to do?

Get out of this relationship

This is addiction talking.

Swizzlesticks23 Wed 22-Nov-17 19:09:24

Your partner gets stressed because his a fucking liar.

the lady put it into the safe - lie
He lost the receipt - lie
The bank are investigating - lie

Your partner is a pathological liar.

Swizzlesticks23 Wed 22-Nov-17 19:11:05

I would leave him. His not helping you his lying to you and completely taking the piss out of you.

Sorry op you deserve better than someone who threatens to top themselves whenever they are challeneged for stealing and lying !

flowers

TroubleinDaFamily Wed 22-Nov-17 19:13:51

Is my partner lying about money to me?

Yes

HTH

xAnnax Wed 22-Nov-17 19:27:37

If it's addiction. I have no idea what kind as I haven't seen any signs of addiction or any evidence.

I do deserve better. His threats just mean we can't talk about anything that he deems negative. I once came in and had moan about somebody being rude to me when out shopping and his response was "stop having a go at me." I actually wasn't. I was just telling him what had happened. I've honestly never come across somebody so irrational in my life as how he's been since he developed depression.

I'm sick of all the lies, I just wish he would just admit it. Then at least we could talk about why it happened. It's the constant lying that grinds me down. It's also insulting as he obviously thinks I'll believe anything.

It's just that I am also very paranoid now, so that even when he is telling the truth I don't necessarily believe him as he has lied so much in the past.

I agree about the receipt thing, but he reckons he will just tell them the time he went in and ask them to check the camera as proof.

Desmondo2016 Wed 22-Nov-17 19:32:48

I wouldn't bother tracking down the truth. The business is in his name so let him sort it all out. Put your energy into winding up the relationship with this dishonest liar.

ASatisfyingThump Wed 22-Nov-17 19:33:26

He blames you for his depression? Get rid. You don't need that shit in your life.

Ellisandra Wed 22-Nov-17 19:41:25

Nobody in a post office big or small would be putting £90 in a safe for a few days until their system worked confused

They just wouldn't.

And the rest is a lack of lies too.

flowers you'll feel a lot of relief when you finally end this, current lies and all the former ones. What's the point of him? He's lies, he's mean to you, he steals...

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Wed 22-Nov-17 19:48:21

My ex was exactly like that. Putting deposits on things ALL the time. It escalated so gradually yet so suddenly all at the same time and before you know it you’ve been locked out of your online banking 2 days after payday because he’s spent all your wages!

Our wedding very nearly didn’t happen because I was working my socks off to pay for things that then weren’t being paid for and I didn’t have a clue. His parents were aware and covering for him thinking it would all come right in the end. After 2 years of saving and planning I was told a month before hand exactly what the situation was and had to try and find the money to pay for things (including the ceremony itself!). I wish I hadn’t of bothered, I should have swallowed my pride and told everyone the truth.

It’s very rare I get involved in threads like this. I’ve been around Mumsnet for about 7 years (lots of name changing) but I just see so much of myself in your situation and it breaks my heart.

Bluntness100 Wed 22-Nov-17 19:57:25

I’m sorry but he has stolen the money from you and is now lying about it. What he’s done with it I don’t know, but cash goes instantly into your account and shows up instantly too. Nothing takes time to clear.

He’s clearly trying to get hold of the money to pay it back, well I hope he is, but he’s stalling you.

Either way he’s stolen the money and he’s lied about it. Oh and he’s a shockingly bad liar, he’s done what many of them do, made it over complicated so it’s obvious.

Yes go down with him, tomorrow, and you’ll have your proof. It will be embarrassing though.

Firstworlddramas Wed 22-Nov-17 20:02:51

He is a gambler, 99.9% certain

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