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Dh's family let their Dc chase our ds and family pet ALL THE TIME

(112 Posts)
BitOfrarebit Wed 22-Nov-17 12:10:54

SiL & BIL let their ds (9 yrs old) chase after our young dog whenever they visit. They also let him chase my ds (3 years old) around the house which he hates.

Whenever they visits their son who is an only child and is perhaps not used to having younger children around chases and annoys my ds and also our dog. The same happens when we visit them although we don't bring our dog with us then.

AIBU to say something next time he does this? Last time they came my ds was hiding behind the sofa as his much bigger cousin was teasing and chasing him. He is not scared of his cousin but finds it annoying and seeks shelter by hiding.

I hate to create a situation with my in laws especially with Christmas around the corner but should I say something or am I being PFB and ds should toughen up?

Do your older dc chase their much younger cousins or siblings around, or family pets for that matter? At 3 my ds knows not to chase our dog. confused

I am expecting dc2 and have had a rough pregnancy and need some perspective here. Is it me being PFB and soppy because of pregnancy hormones?

We are invited over this weekend and i am dreading it already.

BarbarianMum Wed 22-Nov-17 12:13:30

Seriously? You just sit there whilst a 9 year old winds up your child and dog? Just tell him to stop. Better yet, offer him a diversion- is there anything suitable for him to at with at your house?

BarbarianMum Wed 22-Nov-17 12:14:00

That should red "play with at your house".

He sounds bored.

DearMrDilkington Wed 22-Nov-17 12:14:34

Why haven't you already said something?

user1471451564 Wed 22-Nov-17 12:15:02

I'm sure their attitude would change if your poor dog turned around and bit their annoying dc!!! No i don't think you are being pfb or hormonal at all. Your poor child and dog. I would say something and i am the most unconfrontational person going. They need telling unfortuantely if they can't see it and deal with it themselves.

hidinginthenightgarden Wed 22-Nov-17 12:15:17

Why haven't you said something already?
If your child doesn't like something you intervene. My kids chase each other but as soon as one doesn't want to I put a stop to it.

FaFoutis Wed 22-Nov-17 12:15:51

You need to tell them. Do it before the visit and hopefully get the bad atmosphere out of the way (you could say your son is worried about it). My dc have never chased their cousins around, and vice versa, or the pets. It isn't normal or OK.

user1493413286 Wed 22-Nov-17 12:16:25

I don’t think you need to make a big deal out of it but just tell him to stop it because your son doesn’t like it/it frightens the dog.
Some children love being chased and will scream and laugh but if your son doesn’t like it you need to stop it happening. I wouldn’t even say anything to your in laws, just straight to the child.

flumpybear Wed 22-Nov-17 12:17:01

Boundaries! Tell then9 year old no! Tell him it’s unacceptable and if he winds the dog up and it bites him it’s his fault not the dogs fault but you don’t want to be in that situation so leave the so alone - and don’t chase a 3 year old around as he’ll get scares and may get harmed

thegreylady Wed 22-Nov-17 12:17:46

My older dgc are taught to be kind and gentle with the younger ones and we have never had a problem at all. They are all animal lovers and wouldn’t dream of chasing a pet. At 9 years old your son is old enough to know better. Choose an easy game like picture dominos or junior lego and have it out when they visit and suggest they play together. I’d get very cross if any child tried to give unwanted attention to little ones or animals in my house.
Develop a very firm ‘teacher voice’ and say ‘dn do NOT do that ds doesn’t like it at all’.

Evelynismyspyname Wed 22-Nov-17 12:17:51

No older children do not normally chase younger ones about, nor do 9 year olds chase animals.

I would assume a 9 year old doing that has special needs which his parents aren't acknowledging or dealing with, or just is unsocialized.

In your house be firm. Lay out the house rules (no running in the house, no chasing dog or preschool children). If he can't follow rules don't meet at yours.

If you go to his keep your DC close and don't stay long.

A 9 year old should be years and years beyond this stage if developing normally. I have a not long ten year old boy and a 6 year old (as well as an older one) and none of my children would chase a preschool child unless the preschool child instigated it and it was a game - and then they'd be doing it to humour the younger child. By 5 or 6 children know not to run in the house anyway.

thegreylady Wed 22-Nov-17 12:18:16

Should be nephew not son! Sorry!

mygorgeousmilo Wed 22-Nov-17 12:20:20

You will have to tell him to stop yourself, as and when it’s happening. If he’s doing it, then clearly they’re not bothered and this is normal behaviour for him. I wouldn’t let my six year old do that, this isn’t normal or acceptable behaviour.

SlartyFarkBarstard Wed 22-Nov-17 12:20:20

“Don’t chase him anymore nephew he doesn’t like it.”

Done.

ButchyRestingFace Wed 22-Nov-17 12:21:07

The danger is that one day your dog will snap and turn on your nephew.

Then nephew will possibly be left with scarring (or worse) and your dog will be destroyed.

Time to say something. If it was just the dog he’s winding up, I’d say lock the dog in a room/outside for the duration of the visit.

But he’s winding up your kid too. Get it sorted.

gillybeanz Wed 22-Nov-17 12:23:08

I wouldn't lie and say your son was worried as this could backfire.
Just say something when it happens again.
You don't have to be confrontational, just explain to d nephew how dogs don't like being chased around, can he not do it.
When he chases your ds, say the same, that he doesn't like it.
There may come a time in the summer when your child enjoys playing chase.
Just say he's a bit little for chase yet.

BitOfrarebit Wed 22-Nov-17 12:26:26

*Don’t chase him anymore nephew he doesn’t like it.”

Done.*

Aye, but SIL is very prickly at the best of times. She does everything 'child led' and told us before that they don't tell him off for whatever reason. I expect that if I tell my nephew to stop it she will get cross.

Hillarious Wed 22-Nov-17 12:26:29

Find something else for him to do instead.

ohhereweareagain Wed 22-Nov-17 12:27:17

YABU purely for bringing in the fact their kid is an only child ffs hmmangry

MillennialFalcon Wed 22-Nov-17 12:28:48

Honestly YABU not to say something! You are putting your nephew and the dog in danger, if the dog doesn't like his behaviour then one day it may panic and snap to defend itself then your nephew will be injured and the dog will probably have to be put down and that is all avoidable with proper correction and supervision. You have every right to enforce boundaries in your own home.

Rollmopsrule Wed 22-Nov-17 12:29:51

I find it interesting that people drop ' he/she is an only child' into a post as if that will explain whatever annoying behaviour is being displayed. Yep that must be why he is doing it....you've got the nail on the head hmm
The fact that he spends the vast amount of his life with up to 30 other kids in school makes no difference at all or at after school club, or with your kid.
Nope he's an only child so doesn't know how to behave around other kids... obviously!
He's 9 FFS....just tell him or ask his parents to tell him not to do it. The behaviour will stop then happy days.

BitOfrarebit Wed 22-Nov-17 12:30:44

YABU purely for bringing in the fact their kid is an only child ffs Not at all, we have an only child so far fwiw I mentioned it because my nephew is not used to having younger children around him, which could explain why he gets over excited. I love my nephew but get annoyed when my ds has to hide in his own home.

SchadenfreudePersonified Wed 22-Nov-17 12:30:57

As others have said - a frightened dog is an unpredictable dog! Please don't wait for a tragedy before you do something. A dog's only defence it it's mouth. Your nephew's behaviour won't just spoilt the dog's nature towards him, but also towards any other unfamiliar children - and it is also teaching your sone that it is okay to torment an animal.

There is also a great danger that even if your son enjoyed this chasing (which he doesn't, I know) your nephew will become over-excited and there will be an accident and on or other (or both) of the boys will be hurt. Even very young children 9your DS's age) can be taught to be gentle with smaller, weaker ones. It looks like your nephew hasn't been told and therefore doesn't know any better.

Mention it to your SIL and BIL - just point out the difference in the boys' sizes (and that the dog is getting frightened) and ask them to stop their son from doing this. If they won't, then you have to - he is bullying your son (even though he probably doesn't mean to) and you must put a stop to it. It isn't fair on your child, and it will continue with him being rough with your new baby if he doesn't learn that smaller people are very fragile beings.

I hope he is never allowed a pet of his own. He sounds atoerag where animals are concerned. Your BIL and SIL haven't done him any favours letting him get away with this behaviour. How would they react if a fifteen year old chased and frightened him?

MillennialFalcon Wed 22-Nov-17 12:31:12

Sorry cross post. Just read that your S I L will not allow the behaviour to be corrected. In that case I would probably not invite them over again and explain that while you understand they don't want his behaviour to be corrected it does not work for you to have your dog and child chased in your own home and additionally you are concerned about your nephews safety if he gets accidentally hurt chasing the dog. If you can't stop the behaviour the only solution is to stop the visits, you can still meet up elsewhere. I suspect they will be snippy since they don't want to take responsibility for his behaviour but a bit of awkwardness is better than the alternative.

LIZS Wed 22-Nov-17 12:31:29

Can the dog be elsewhere in the house, for a break. Tell them ds gets overexcited/tired/annoyed if he starts chasing again. If sil is likely to get prickly she can't really argue if you express it as abput your ds feelings rather than dn behaviour. Then find them something else to do.

Or only meet on neutral ground.

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