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To wonder how SAHM/Home makers keep their shit together?

(313 Posts)
Emlou07 Wed 22-Nov-17 11:11:45

Now I know I probably am being unreasonable, as I know I’m very lucky to be in a position where I am able to be at home with my children while my other half works. But 4 years in and I STILL haven’t worked out how to keep the kids happy, the house tidy, the washing done and everything else in order!

I am no domestic goddess and I’m starting to wonder if those who do it effortlessly are in to black magic or something! 🤔

AutumnLego Wed 22-Nov-17 11:13:46

Extensive list making helps me stay organised, but in reality it is impossible to do all those things every day. Be kind to yourself, and let some things go.

Those that say they do, are probably lying.

mamamalt Wed 22-Nov-17 11:17:36

Me too! Some days I hate it! My DS is only one and I’m already wishing I could go back to work! That sounds so bad but I am not sure I’m cut out for this!
I respect people so much for how selfless they must be to put everyone else above themselves and do everything for everyone. I am struggling to be that person!

Cherrypi Wed 22-Nov-17 11:17:47

Lowering standards and doing things little and often like one wash a day.

SaucyJack Wed 22-Nov-17 11:18:12

Well, it isn't effortless. That's the thing.

The main difference I've noticed between myself and friends who have clean and tidy homes is that they actually clean and tidy.

I don't think there's a magic secret unfortunately.

shutitandtidyupgitface Wed 22-Nov-17 11:23:41

They don't do it effortlessly. you know when you go to someones house and its really clean and tidy? That's because they have really cleaned and tidied it.

I can't be fucked, so my house doesn't look like that.

Wormulonian Wed 22-Nov-17 11:26:24

It depends how long you spend on things. My best friend's house is absolutely spotless like a show home at all times seemingly but she prioritises that above playing with the DC and has super strict rules about everything. I always get nervous in her house that I will spill my drink or get a crumb on the floor. (She had her DC a lot later than I did)

I do think planning for meals etc and having a routine for "good enough"cleaning helps. Also my DC always ate at the table to contain mess and if they did eat in the living room we had an indoor picnic with a tablecloth or fleece blanket on the floor so that all the crumbs etc could be folded up and emptied into a bin outside the kitchen door. Little things like that helped.

Believe me when they grow up you will not wish you spent more time cleaning and ironing laundry but that you had good fun with your DC and that they felt relaxed and free in your home.

weekfour Wed 22-Nov-17 11:45:28

A play room!
Kids are dirty little mingers and having a door to close on all their shit definitely keeps me sane.

I’ve also got a utility room which means there’s not washing all over the house.

Maybe the answer is just doors. Doors to shut and compartmentalise. grin

I think this mess and sheer amount of stuff is more of an issue than the cleaning. You can’t clean if there’s lego everywhere. Be ruthless. Throw stuff away. Liberate yourself!

CatsAndCairngorms Wed 22-Nov-17 12:31:59

For me... Load of laundry on every morning, put away every evening.
Blitz tidy for half an hour after kids go to sleep.
Kids help me with cooking so that's something we all enjoy doing together.
Lots of storage and lots of culls of unused stuff.
Im lucky that we also have a cleaner once a week, that makes a huge difference.

But agree with pp that nothing is effortless!

Naughty1205 Wed 22-Nov-17 12:38:45

I don't know if I'm cut out for this either! We have no playroom, no attic, feck all storage space, toys everywhere, I do nothing but pick up, tidying, laundry, food shopping, dropping and collecting! I'd need a weeks notice if anyone was to drop by for a cuppa. I sweep the floors every night. I use wipes for various bits like leather wipes, bathroom wipes etc and go around the house with them and sort of concentrate on one area or room a day so that each week everything gets a proper clean and tidy. I'm gradually trying to declutter and have a black bin bags by the back door that I fling useless stuff into. Hard to do anything with a toddler dragging out of me though, so I whizz around after their bedtime and usually sorted with lunches done by 9pm. Hardest work I've ever done. No off switch. Also kids are bad sleepers. Still, as they say, worth it! grin

Hastalapasta Wed 22-Nov-17 12:39:19

Routine. I am dressed before coming down stairs in the morning, or it doesn’t happen. Feed kids, then pets, put a wash on. Tidy kitchen after using, wipe down and sweep the floor after dinner. Hoover after school drop off. Playroom for the kids toys, kids encouraged to tidy their stuff away, take dirty plates etc to the sink. Doesn’t take long, but you have to do a bit of cleaning every day, and that is relentless.
The mantra ‘everybody’s fed, nobody is dead’ really helps.

DeleteOrDecay Wed 22-Nov-17 12:41:49

I am the same op, I seem to be getting worse lately although I think that’s down to my depression getting the better of me. I just can’t seem to get organised my brain feels frazzled.

NataliaOsipova Wed 22-Nov-17 12:43:25

The main difference I've noticed between myself and friends who have clean and tidy homes is that they actually clean and tidy.

Love it! I'm with you, SaucyJack.....blush

JohnLapsleyParlabane Wed 22-Nov-17 12:44:15

Ruthless toy and clothes management. I have either breakfast or lunch, but not both and the washing up / laundry / floors get done while DD is eating. Dinner on a timer and toys are tidied while it cooks. When DH does bedtime I do dinner clean up and vice versa. And at least an hour of domestic tasks most evenings. My home needs to be pretty close to immaculate every night or I am too anxious to sleep. It's exhausting.

Tippexy Wed 22-Nov-17 12:45:24

Some people do it while working too so maybe ask them?

JustHappy3 Wed 22-Nov-17 12:48:17

Tippexy - but if you're out of the house working then the kids are too. So consequently less mess gets made.

BrioAmio Wed 22-Nov-17 12:50:55

Constant planning, tidying and a cleaner. I now realise why my mum was so pro-active with housework, if you don’t do it now you’ll never have time to do it!

weekfour Wed 22-Nov-17 12:51:03

Yeah Tippexy. I’ve been out of the home and in it and it was tidier when I was at work. Because kids did all their messy stuff at the childminders.

TheWorldIsMyCakePop Wed 22-Nov-17 12:56:39

A combination of planning/routine and whinging it and being like the swan paddling like mad under the water...

I do a load of laundry every day, clean the kitchen daily. Food in there only (apart from adults once they're asleep or special treat), dishwasher that runs daily. Activities to keep small ones active, a calendar on which everything is recorded, food planned for the week etc.

ToastyFingers Wed 22-Nov-17 12:57:49

Yup, if you work out of home, nobody is home all day to make a mess!

Keeping on top of things is hard, you have to not drop any balls ever or everything starts to slide.

I find it helps to prioritize. My living room is always tidy for the kids to play in, as is their bedroom. These rooms get hoovered regularly but the hallways don't. I often have a days worth of dishes piled up and a serious floordrobe going on too.

Smarshian Wed 22-Nov-17 12:58:09

What a horribly snarky comment Tippexy.
I'm also finding it impossible to keep on top of anything in my house! Children just cause destruction.
I'm looking forward to going back to work in January to get a break from the relentlessness of it all!

gamerpigeon Wed 22-Nov-17 13:01:05

I’m on mat leave at the moment and everything is a mess, and slightly grimy sad

I’ve tried doing paper lists and using an app, I just can’t keep on top of it all!

Bobbins43 Wed 22-Nov-17 13:01:45

I would also like to know how this happens. I feel like all I do is pick things up and try and put things away and I am ankle deep in laundry. Literally.

MuseumOfCurry Wed 22-Nov-17 13:04:18

I'm an early riser and up about 1.5-2 hours before my kids every day. This is how I maintain fairly good order in my house. Difficult with toddlers, but easy with older kids.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Wed 22-Nov-17 13:05:08

My kids aren't allowed more than one toy in the sitting room at one time.

They were when they were toddlers...they had loads then. Now they're older, I make them be tidier and choose ONE thing.

I do one wash per is wiped and tidied last thing at night.

In the morning, I don't do anything in the house till I get back from school run and then I tidy wherever needs it, sort laundry, make beds and do some gardening when I have to.

Then in the afternoon I do my black magic. grin

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