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to expect DP to pay for his family?

(84 Posts)
livemore Tue 21-Nov-17 13:04:06

I am a complete newbie, so please bare with! But my DP has opened a bank account in his name, got his wages paid into it and is just drip feeding me money as I ask for it. His reasoning behind this is that I am not affectionate enough anymore. I am livid. I gave up a good job as he didn't like the environment I worked in, I then took a lower paid job to keep the family going (we have 2 DDs) After being made redundant I took the leap to work for myself which financially has its ups and downs, but DP said he would support me. Now he has cut off all money, I mean all money. He says he's not going to pay my direct debits, I have to pay them myself, which he knows I can't afford to.
I have no money, my business is only in its second year and only providing a "pocket money" income. I suddenly feel so worthless.
Any advice please .....?

Ilovecoleslaw Tue 21-Nov-17 13:05:15

That's financial abuse. LTB

gunsandbanjos Tue 21-Nov-17 13:05:27

Hes abusive, run far and run fast.

StormTreader Tue 21-Nov-17 13:05:56

Remind him that divorce is always an option, you'd get at least half the assets and pension then, and maintenance as well. He doesnt have you over quite as much of a barrel as he thinks.

shutitandtidyupgitface Tue 21-Nov-17 13:07:58

You're not married? Bad move. Get out now before it gets any worse.

Quartz2208 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:08:07

Agree with the PPs poster and he is making you sound like a prostistute (he will only pay if you are affectionate

Worriedobsessive Tue 21-Nov-17 13:08:14

Leave. Seriously.

Splinterz Tue 21-Nov-17 13:09:48

Go and go now - there's nothing for you in this relationship - you have no financial security. This relationship is of no benefit whatso ever.

Glumglowworm Tue 21-Nov-17 13:10:52

It's financial abuse

You're better off (emotionally, practically and financially) without hin

AdoraBell Tue 21-Nov-17 13:11:01

Second that this is financial abuse.

Do you have any family support?

ijustwannadance Tue 21-Nov-17 13:11:55

Your mistake was giving up the first job on his say so.
Him all of a sudden denying you any access to money is not only abusive but I would also wonder what he is up to with his money.

Leave him. It will not get better.

Calvinlookingforhobbs Tue 21-Nov-17 13:12:21

OP this sounds awful! Can you start building a support network to help you leave him?

tallwivglasses Tue 21-Nov-17 13:14:16

So you have to put out before he pays the bills? Yuck. I wonder what his parents and friends would think of that?

Travis1 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:16:29

So you're a prostitute now? Fuck that!(Pardon the pun) I'd look at getting a salaried position and leave the bastard.

WineAndTiramisu Tue 21-Nov-17 13:18:57

Any chance your can get the original (or similar) job back?
This is certainly financial abuse, you should leave and put in a child maintenance claim for your children as well. This certainly isn't going to improve, you have seen what he is really like now.

Viviennemary Tue 21-Nov-17 13:20:39

You need to be self-supporting. There is no point in relying on a reluctant partner to dole out money if he is tight fisted. You are pretty powerless if you stay. You need to leave. Now.

Mamabear4180 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:21:38

You should never have left a good job on his say so. He is controlling you and you need to LTB.

LagunaBubbles Tue 21-Nov-17 13:22:23

Leave him, it is abuse and you need money to survive...how does he propose you pay your bills?

FizzyGreenWater Tue 21-Nov-17 13:22:34

Yes you have to leave.

Don't even TRY and make things work with a bastard like this - these are his children - as soon as he feels he has you over a barrel with you taking on the care and not earning as a result, he does this?!

That's all you need to know.

Can family help you out? If so, take that help. Leave with the children. Leave him to allllll his cash. If you could stay with family, leave asap and if it were me, I'd try and get back to that higher paying job that HE disliked so much (fucking arrogant arsehole). Sort childcare. Go straight to CMS for maintenance. Tell him that he'll be working with you to find mutually suitable times for contact, not picking and choosing - he's going to have to start working his life around your children too, because you are no longer picking up the slack.

He'll backtrack on all this if you walk out - but my advice is don't go back. You've seen the real him now. If you do, then it's a case of joint accounts or nothing. But really, dump him now. He's too much of a risk to you and your childrens' security.

BMW6 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:24:08

Tell him to fuck off and get CSA on his ass to pay full maintenance for your children. You would be infinitely better off in all ways without this terrible cunt in your lives.

livemore Tue 21-Nov-17 13:24:16

I have my parents but they are both retired and do not have a lot of money, definitely not enough to look after me and 2 children. I tried applying for tax credits but they are making me jump through hoops at the moment as i'm self employed. Apart from that I take home £200 pm. I have no savings, no equity in our house and because we're not married I wouldn't get any support from him. Basically I'm screwed.

AlpacaLypse Tue 21-Nov-17 13:25:20

Just piling in to agree with the wise advice already given. Financial abuse, open and shut case. LTB now.

TrojansAreSmegheads Tue 21-Nov-17 13:25:36

wtf? basically he wants you to be a prostitute? "affection" = money?

it isnt easy i do understand but it would be best to make plans to leave. if that starts with you finding work so much the better because he is an abusive twat.

you cant afford to be self employed right now. you need a job that gives you the money you need to free yourself from this shitbag.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag Tue 21-Nov-17 13:25:46

What help do you want OP? As we cannot force your husband to give you money, however we can advice on taking the steps to end your financially abusive relationship!

BMW6 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:25:58

Of course you will get support from him - they are HIS children!!!

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