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in thinking this was not the norm in the 70/80s?

(88 Posts)
MimpiDreams Tue 21-Nov-17 11:42:31

I've finally reached the point of no contact with my family but I've been told that my childhood was not neglectful or abusive as things were just different back then. But I don't hear of any of my peers having the same type of upbringing.

Some examples:

- rarely had clean underwear
- never had sanpro until I started a part time job at 16
- didn't have my own toothbrush
- dad used his belt on us when he was angry
- dad kicked down the bathroom door when sister tried to run away from getting the belt
- I broke my coccyx while skating and was denied access to doctor and pain relief.
- also denied access to doctor over a terrible verruca problem until a teacher noticed it at swimming and insisted I be taken. The whole of the sole of my foot was completely covered and I'd been in agony for months.
- often left with evil psychopath older brother who was never punished for his cruelty.

There's loads more, 30 years worth. But you get the gist of it.

So is this just how it was then and AIBU?

VioletHaze Tue 21-Nov-17 11:44:34

No. This was not the norm back then. It sounds terribly abusive. I'm so sorry flowers

Anymajordude Tue 21-Nov-17 11:46:35

Absolutely not normal for back then. flowers

WeaselsRising Tue 21-Nov-17 11:46:58

No, far from normal.

Aridane Tue 21-Nov-17 11:48:39

The fact that you even have to ask, OP, shows just how screwed up your childhood was

MillennialFalcon Tue 21-Nov-17 11:49:11

That's not normal, it absolutely is abusive. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I hope going no contact with your family helps.

TossDaily Tue 21-Nov-17 11:50:46

It wasn't normal, OP

I had a similar-sounding childhood to you, (riddled with threadworms for years, violent mum, left in the care of a nasty older sister, allowed to drink alcohol from a very young age) and it took the shocked expression on my counsellor's face for it to hit home that no, it wasn't normal.


steppemum Tue 21-Nov-17 11:53:38

no. It is not even remotey normal.

I was born in 1967, and had my childhood in 70s. None of this would have been even vaguely acceptable in my house.

For what it is worth, it wouldn't have been acceptable when my Mum was growing up either.

I am so sorry you had that, and that it remains unacknowledged.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn Tue 21-Nov-17 11:54:49

Definitely not normal. I’m sorry you have been through this. I hope you have some support.

AnUtterIdiot Tue 21-Nov-17 11:55:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catalufa Tue 21-Nov-17 11:58:39

Not one single point on your list would be normal even on its own.

DearTeddyRobinson Tue 21-Nov-17 11:59:30

None of those things have ever been acceptable, regardless of what decade they took place.
Sorry you had to go through this OP thanks

Whatsoccuringlovely Tue 21-Nov-17 11:59:44

Love that’s not normal in my childhood, 70s or my mums 40s or her mums just at the turn of the century.

Loving parents do their best for their children and have done for centuries.

Your childhood sounded horrendous and don’t you allow anyone to minimise it. Get help flowers

PacAMac Tue 21-Nov-17 12:00:23

No, that was not normal, none of that happened to me. Sorry this happened to you sad

PoisonousSmurf Tue 21-Nov-17 12:00:49

Sorry, but no that sounds horrific! Even though I was a latchkey kid in the 70s and had to the bulk of the shopping and housework from the age of 7 (my mum was bi-polar and would spend days in bed), if I did get ill, she would get the doctor straight away.
It sounds like your parents didn't want any authority figures involved in your lives as they would have picked up on the abuses sad

maras2 Tue 21-Nov-17 12:01:20

I was born in the 1950's and had my kids in the 70's.
I don't recognise any of those abusive traits as being used,ever.
Sorry that this happened to you flowers

MrsMozart Tue 21-Nov-17 12:01:27

Definitely not the norm. My childhood went from very comfortable to austere and there were restrictions and 'firm' treatment, but nothing at all like what you've described.

Hillarious Tue 21-Nov-17 12:02:21

Not acceptable. Back in the 70s I knew a family who had a belt hanging in the kitchen, which the father used on occasion. I thought that was weird then and that's just one of the things on your list.

Couldsleeptillnextyear Tue 21-Nov-17 12:04:32

Mine was have to learn to move on however you can x good luck x

BeautifulWintersMorning Tue 21-Nov-17 12:05:36

It was definitely neglectful and abusive.

Oliversmumsarmy Tue 21-Nov-17 12:05:59

Very similar and also NC with my family.

I had a stomach ulcer that went into many stomach ulcers . Only thing that saved me was going to the doctors on my own and refusing to be fobbed off.

DM took me to my hospital appointments then spent the whole time every time bitching about all the things she could be doing if I wasn't around whilst we were waiting in the waiting room

Dustysparrow Tue 21-Nov-17 12:06:29

Not normal at all. It sounds like your family are uncaring and abusive, I'm so sorry. That is not normal for any decade or generation in fact.

I hope now you are taking steps away from them you can surround yourself with friends and hopefully a partner who will give you the love and support you deserve?

Pinkkahori Tue 21-Nov-17 12:09:03

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and some of what you experienced sounds similar.
We didn't have access to clean underwear every day until we were old enough to wash our own, also at times there were communal toothbrushes rather than one each (big family, lack of money).
Absolutely no physical abuse at all though and ready access to medical care if needed.

It was horrible being poor but nothing like what you had to go through.
flowers for you OP.

MimpiDreams Tue 21-Nov-17 12:09:15

In real life, other than DH, nobody takes what I say seriously. I'm just over-sensitive, overreacting or have no sense of humour. Everyone thinks my family is wonderful and I'm the odd one. I think that's why I'm so confused.

When I went no contact even my therapist was critical. He said I was wrong to do it and it's a reflection of my inability to resolve issues rather than a bad reflection on them.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic Tue 21-Nov-17 12:10:56

No, not normal sad

The only one I can relate to was not having fresh underwear every day at primary school, so before puberty. It didn't get obviously dirty or smelly and was changed every other day. I had a weekly bath. This was significant progress on my mum's wartime childhood.

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