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To not want a dog?

(59 Posts)
FleeceyButterfly Tue 21-Nov-17 11:02:23

We already have a cat, who yes was bought for me, and is great company but I don't want a dog.

We have a 2 year old DD who has some extra issues, and can spend whole days (6-8 hours) out of the house at her appointments. I work, albeit part time but do 24 hours a week over 3 days so am out the house 8 hours a day on those 3 days as well. No option to work from home.

DH thinks we can make it work. He works variable shifts between 25 and 35 hours a week with no set pattern. He thinks we can get a dog walker at lunchtime on those 3 days I work if he's not here and maybe an extra day per week if I;m out the house. He thinks I could walk to Nursery in the morning with DD, the pushchair and the dog then do the same at nighttime, forgetting that dogs aren't allowed onto the Nursery premises and there's nowhere really for a dog to be tied safely where I could see it inside the Nursery.

We've just moved house, from a flat to a 2 bed house with garden but I still don't want a dog. I just think a dog is incompatible with our life style. DH says it's not fair as I have the cat and I am getting a fish tank soon - I think it's different. My DM will come in and look after the cat; feed her, change the litter tray etc would also feed fish, but my DM will not walk a dog as she doesn't want one. PILs have a dog but he's not friendly of other dogs so can't see them agreeing to look after our dog as well, so then it's kennels etc which is costly. We can afford it but I just think it wouldn't be fair to the dog.

So I told DH I'd post on here and ask you lot whether you think getting a dog is a good idea?

Hoppinggreen Tue 21-Nov-17 11:04:28

No way should you get a dog
Firstly you shouldn't get any pet unless all family members are fully behind it
Secondly I wouldn't get a doc with such a young child, dogs are very hard work and a huge commitment

ShesAStar Tue 21-Nov-17 11:08:39

Don’t do it!! We got a puppy eight weeks ago and we all wanted her and we all love her but it’s a hard graft. I know dogs are easier than puppies but they’re still extra work, it won’t fit in with appointments, two adults working, DD age 2 and a cat! It will be stressful and you’d have to really want it. Stick to your guns.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Tue 21-Nov-17 11:08:43

Suggest he be the one to organise day care /walks /vets /kennels /feeding /poop scooping / hoovering vast amounts of hair /flea extermination /dealing with anal glands /ear wax problems /dental care /
Bet your dc ends up with a hamster op!!

MissionItsPossible Tue 21-Nov-17 11:09:30

Sounds like a lot of hassle for something you don't sound keen on.

Yokohamajojo Tue 21-Nov-17 11:12:02

You will be the one to do all the hard work and he will play with it! don't do it

splendidisolation Tue 21-Nov-17 11:12:13

I dont think its fair you get a cat but he doesnt get a dog.

However i dont think its fair that looking after a dog you dont want should fall to you.

You should let him get a dog but all care is his problem to sort out and arrange. None of this you taking it to nursery business.

Rosieandtwinkle Tue 21-Nov-17 11:18:43

No you are being very sensible. We have a dog who we wouldn't be without, but it's hard work and a long term commitment...think at least 10yrs from puppy depending on breed. We are very lucky in that my husband is able to take him to work with him everyday and we have a large number of friends and family who have him if we go away. If we didn't have this then we wouldn't have the dog!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 21-Nov-17 11:20:23

Don't get a dog in those circumstances. The main career has to really want a dog for it to work.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Tue 21-Nov-17 11:23:29

If you don't want a dog then the answer is right there - don't get one!

I love dogs but I can guarantee that they will always be more work and more money than you bargain for. You have your hands full enough with your very young DD. Let her grow up a bit, settle into your new house, see if your feelings. But do NOT get a dog unless you are ALL 100% happy. It will only end in tears otherwise and is not fair on the dog or you.

MrSnrubYesThatsIt Tue 21-Nov-17 11:26:25

Nah. It'll just be more wifework for you.
Tell him to go and fuck off for himself.

ijustwannadance Tue 21-Nov-17 11:26:48

Just don't do it. Dog will end up being your responsibility. You will end up resenring both dog and DH.
He doesn't have time.

Your DD will not be able to play in nice garden without you doing dog shit checks first.
Having a cat is nothing like having a dog.

Flippetydip Tue 21-Nov-17 11:27:30

Don't do it. It is a HUGE commitment and we have a very lazy breed, so if you have a high energy breed it must be a nightmare. 6-8 hours is too long to be out of the house with a dog and that's if you have an adult dog. If you have a puppy then you are not going to be able to go out for more than an hour or so to start with.

We specifically waited until our DC were 6 and 8. I would not have contemplated a dog with children that were any younger.

It's a huge huge commitment. I really wouldn't recommend it if you are not 100% sold on the idea before you even start.

littlemissneela Tue 21-Nov-17 11:32:02

I wanted a dog and my dh didn't. It took me about 5 years until I got one, and I said all the walks, poo picking would fall down to me and I wouldn't expect him to do any of it.

5 years on, she loves him much more than me, and he has been coming on walks with me for about a year to keep heatlthy after a scare. She annoys him, but he does love her.

In your situation, your dh wants the dog but seems to want you to do all the work. If he wants the dog, then he sorts out all the care and walks etc. In your current situation I would say don't get a dog.

FleeceyButterfly Tue 21-Nov-17 11:33:02

We both wanted the cat although more me than DH. She's lovely and great company but I don't worry if I need to be out of the house for long periods of time, she moans a bit because her meal is late but she's not destructive, at worst she knocks the duvet off the bed trying to get under the covers when it's cold!

SendintheArdwolves Tue 21-Nov-17 11:39:56

It seems that he thinks you will be doing the actual looking after - you will walk it to nursery, your DM could dogsit, "we" could get a dogwalker, etc.

Do not let yourself be bullied/guilted into this - if he wants a dog, he'd better be prepared to do all the heavy lifting. That means he needs to show you that HE will be responsible for walking it, arranging a dogsitter, finding a kennel, picking up poo, training the dog, etc. Not just vaguely saying "we'll make it work".

The "you've got a cat" argument is a red herring. YOU look after the cat. If he wanted to keep a herd of Siberian mammoth in the back garden (and expected you to take care of them) would that also be OK because "you've got a cat"?

Wolfiefan Tue 21-Nov-17 11:43:38

I have a dog. I love my dog.
BUT she is bloody hard work. She had separation anxiety. I couldn't leave her. At all. Even now (nearly a year on) I couldn't leave her 6-8 hours with a pet sitter coming in.
She wouldn't walk next to a pushchair. No chance. She finds them scary.
Puppies chew. People and houses and belongings.
They are expensive. £200 so far for a foot she keeps nibbling.
They make a mess. MUD. Dear God the mud.
Nothing can ever be spur of the moment.
And with a very young child. Show him the thread about the child bitten in the face.

Apocalyptichorsewoman Tue 21-Nov-17 11:46:15

Yes, dear God - the mud... shock

Whatsoccuringlovely Tue 21-Nov-17 11:49:37

No just no.

Having a cat is nothing like having a dog. Very very different needs.

Stall until your dd is older and your dh more mature.

Ffs you have a cat so I want a dog! Bellend.

FizzyGreenWater Tue 21-Nov-17 11:53:56

NO.

No no no no no.

A dog is massively, massively different to a cat. There is just no comparison. It really is not a case of 'well we have this so why not this' - they are not comparable. At all.

Dogs are the one thing that EVERYONE really needs to be in agreement on. They take proper time, real time out of your day, and they restrict you totally. And covering that restriction costs massively. You just cannot go into that with one member of the family not keen. The resentment will be huge.

Neither of you have the kind of schedule where a dog is a good idea even if you wanted it. Shifts, small children, out of the house a lot, family who cannot cover emergencies or help out. It's a hugely bad idea.

I also really do not like the wheedling - it smacks of someone who really doesn't understand the level of commitment necessary. Nobody with a good sense of responsibility and a realistic outlook would ever try and persuade someone to get a dog! Disaster waiting to happen. Volunteering your time and responsibility (ie having to negotiate a dog on the school run when you don't want to ) - just no. You already have your time full, when you are not working - you are saying quite clearly that you don't want another job to do. Beware - easy here for the one who is part-time, 'in the house', to get this shifted into their pile of 'to-do' stuff.

And - he wanted the cat too. If he didn't, then was his time to say it. He didn't, because he wanted the cat. You don't want a dog and you're sensible enough to say so.

FleeceyButterfly Tue 21-Nov-17 11:54:19

His argument now is that the cat has lived with a dog before we got her so they'd keep each other company hmm ok then...

MillennialFalcon Tue 21-Nov-17 12:02:09

YANBU and I say that as a dog lover. Getting a dog is a big commitment and the whole family has to be in agreement. He can't compare a dog to a cat or fish. The daily exercise a dog requires is a big difference and can be difficult to coordinate with a small child. Maybe suggest you will reconsider when your DD is older and if your DH does all the work of looking after the dog and hires a dog walker to help when he is at work.

Lottie509 Tue 21-Nov-17 12:02:22

No I wouldn't get a dog, Why not just get another cat?

RarelyInfallible Tue 21-Nov-17 12:04:18

We have 4 cats and 2 dogs. We got the first dog just over a year after my now 10 year old had been asking for 3 years. My husband and I both work from home most of the time and we all love them to bits but they are a huge amount of work, way more than the cats. When my husband travels for work and it falls to me, it is really tiring trying to schedule and actually do all the walking etc. Don’t do it unless you are totally convinced.

PoisonousSmurf Tue 21-Nov-17 12:04:32

Not fair on the cat for a start. So NO!

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