Please help me with some advice. I have a six month old baby and my husband and I seem to have been at eachother's throats since he was born and have discussed divorce. The latest tiff is turning into a full on family feud. I'm just not sure if it's me or him being unreasonable this time and I'd appreciate the advice of people who don't know either of us.
The latest tiff started at a family lunch at my parents' house a week ago. My uncle, who has never much liked my husband (he has never said so but has always been a bit cold with him), was there and ended up full-on shouting at my husband when they were talking about politics. My husband definitely didn't provoke this - my uncle has a tendency to lose self-control whenever politics comes up and he is also a little racist, which gets my husband's back up understandably.
Anyway, when my uncle shouted at my husband, I didn't intervene (I think I was concerned it would turn into a big argument if I chipped in) and, seeing we were all a bit shocked, my uncle then said sorry very quietly. My husband finished his food, cleaned his plate then went to another room and played chess on his phone for the rest of the afternoon. When we left, my mum called him rude for having gone off in a huff (my husband does have a tendency to go off in a huff). My husband didn't hear that comment from my mum, but I did tell her that it was my uncle who had been rude.
Since this tiff, my husband is insisting on cancelling our plans to spend xmas with my family every year unless my uncle spends xmas elsewhere. He says I'm pathetic and cowardly for not defending him. I've tried to suggest that we can go to his parents (in a different country) this year, and my family next year, but he's insisting that we can never have xmas anywhere where my uncle is, ever and that he doesn't want to spend xmas with his family either - he wants it just to be me, him and our son. As a compromise, I've half-heartedly suggested that me and my son can spend Boxing Day with my parents, uncle, sister etc., and xmas day just the 3 of us, but in reality I'm not OK with this every year and I know for sure that my family are not going to understand this and they will just dislike my husband causing ever more tensions.
Am I right to think that my husband is being childish? Or is it me who is in the wrong in expecting him to spend xmas with the uncle who - husband says - humiliated him?
Thanks.
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AIBU?
AIBU or is it my husband?
99 replies
angryjoanna · 21/11/2017 09:54
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