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In what circs would you tell off someone else's child...

(34 Posts)
Frege Tue 21-Nov-17 08:40:35

Particularly when the parent isn't there?

We were at school breakfast this morning. The boy ahead of us in the queue to be served was appallingly rude and dismissive to the dinner lady- barking orders, no pleases or thank yous etc. No particular thing that you could have pointed at as being actively wrong (he didn't swear at her, for example) but just a rude attitude. I'd be mortified if my kids behaved like that.

I've known this boy, vaguely, for years. He's now 10yo. His mother had dropped him off and gone to work so wasn't present.


Justbookedasummmerholiday Tue 21-Nov-17 08:41:36

If I had been the dinner lady I wouldn't have served him.
Hate bad manners.

WorraLiberty Tue 21-Nov-17 08:43:03

Nothing, because the dinner lady is a grown woman who should have told him off herself, or refused to serve him.

If someone's child was being nasty to another child in front of me, I would definitely tell them off.

willyougotobed Tue 21-Nov-17 08:44:19

Nothing. It's up to the dinner lady to say something if she's upset about it. You really don't have a right to interfere particularly if that dc hasn't been left in your care.

LizzieSiddal Tue 21-Nov-17 08:45:05

I would have quietly said “do you think that’s a nice way to talk to Mrs X?” If he was contrite I would have asked him to apologise.

If his answer was cheaply/rude I would have gone and found a staff member and told them.

CorbynsBumFlannel Tue 21-Nov-17 08:46:21

If what a child was doing was negatively affecting me or my child I would step in. Or if the child was endangering themselves.
In your situation I would have left it to the dinner lady who will be well used to dealing with the kids and will know more about them than you (mild sn for eg that you may not be aware of knowing him vaguely).

LizzieSiddal Tue 21-Nov-17 08:46:33

If the dinner lady is too shy to say anything, it isn’t right to just let this child get away with it.

RaeSkywalker Tue 21-Nov-17 08:47:32

Nothing- it was up to the dinner lady I think.

DH told off a child at soft play the other day, but that’s because the child in question was deliberately (and repeatedly) trying to push over toddler DS. I think if a child is being physically rough, or bullying another child, I would intervene.

CorbynsBumFlannel Tue 21-Nov-17 08:49:44

Oh and I'd tell off a child for being mean to another child if there was no one else around to tell them as well.

CorbynsBumFlannel Tue 21-Nov-17 08:50:47

What did you do op?

Frege Tue 21-Nov-17 08:50:54

Definitely no SN. Vaguely possibly understated it- we've had him round for playdates in the past etc and I know his mum well but he isn't a very close friend of my DD.

Thanks all. Can't imagine this particular dinner lady ever saying anything. It's a tricky one.

BikeRunSki Tue 21-Nov-17 08:52:33

Not in that situation. The situation was between the dinner lady and the child. Nothing to do with me.

The only time I have really, really told off somebody else’s child was was when he and my son, both 6, were mucking about, screaming and kicking do much in the back of my car o couldn’t concentrate on driving. I was bringing them home from Beavers. I’ve love this child (and his parents!) since he was 6 months old and babysit for him too. His party’s aregood friebds. I felt hus mum wouldn’t have tolerated that behaviour either, and would have been happy for her to have told my son off in the same situation with her driving.

FlowerPot1234 Tue 21-Nov-17 08:53:19

In every circumstance.

Frege Tue 21-Nov-17 08:54:57

CBF, I didn't do anything but am now wishing I had.

formerbabe Tue 21-Nov-17 08:56:27

I wouldn't tell off someone else's child unless they were doing something dangerous or hurting my DC. Even then, it wouldn't be a telling off, more of a "please don't hit, that's not very nice" sort of thing.

CorbynsBumFlannel Tue 21-Nov-17 08:59:44

My child has mild sn and not every mum I know fairly well and who's house he has been to knows about it.
Since you seem to know him pretty well reminding him in a friendly way might have been appropriate. Something like 'I thought that was X for a minute but it can't be because he always says please and thank you!' might have helped him remember his manners.

CorbynsBumFlannel Tue 21-Nov-17 09:01:17

I really wouldn't give it anymore thought op. I doubt uncorrected manners on one occasion is going to have a massive impact on anyone's life.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 21-Nov-17 09:01:17

Are you a teacher or a parent OP?

TBH there’s few circumstances in which I wouldn’t correct bad behaviour of both adults and children. Doesn’t bother me a jot!

Wishingandwaiting Tue 21-Nov-17 09:08:10

I would have said something. Absolutely would have done.

Takes a community to raise a child

BWatchWatcher Tue 21-Nov-17 09:09:35

I find a 'oo what would your mother do if she heard you speak like that
' helpful in these situations.

hibbledobble Tue 21-Nov-17 09:28:53

I avoid telling off other people's children if at all possible as it isn't my place, and I don't want any conflict with their parents.

I would only intervene if it was immediately needed for safety, or in a situation where I was responsible for the child. In this situation I would have allowed the dinner lady to deal with it.

ButchyRestingFace Tue 21-Nov-17 09:56:31

If the dinner lady is too shy to say anything, it isn’t right to just let this child get away with it.

Then she's in the wrong job!

But maybe she reported him later.

WorraLiberty Tue 21-Nov-17 10:10:43

If she's too shy to handle rude children, she needs to speak to her line manager, or ask the child's teacher to have a word.

I don't think random parents getting themselves involved is always a good idea.

It's potentially embarrassing for the dinner lady and could well escalate the situation.

Floellabumbags Tue 21-Nov-17 10:22:49

I was a dinner lady and would have pulled a child up for rudeness - it's all part of upholding the values of the school.

When my children have friends over I treat them as my own. I've had kids refuse to help tidy up because "Guests don't help out" and told them in no uncertain terms that they help out in our house.

EssentialHummus Tue 21-Nov-17 10:54:27

As a parent - if my child behaved like that I'd want them pulled up on it.

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