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600 miles travel at 38 weeks...?

(111 Posts)
xmastraveller Tue 21-Nov-17 05:35:37

My 38th week of pregnancy coincides with Christmas week. I have, perhaps foolishly, agreed to do a fair amount of travelling that week. I have always tried to be fair in splitting time between my family and my in laws. 

Essentially DH works/lives during the week in a different city to me, which is approx two hours drive away from our new house. He then travels home on his days off/weekends. Of note his work place is about 45 mins drive from his parent's house, although he does not stay there during the week. He has saved up all his leave (as well as paternity leave) for the six weeks after our baby is due so he can be around after the birth. However, it means that he is working lots of shifts the month before the baby arrives. After that, thankfully he is moving to a job a little closer to home. I don't have much support locally in the city where I live as we have only recently moved here. I think I will feel uncomfortable living on my own so late on I pregnancy. I have therefore have decided for the final month to base myself mainly at my parents house, an environment where I feel at ease, prior to my due date. There I have both my mum and sisters on hand, who I am close to and would feel comfortable having them there to support me if I were to unexpectedly go into labour. They also live in a town with a good public transport network so I can still go about my business without having to depend on others necessarily.
 
My parents live 100 miles away from our new house but it's a pretty easy journey on the train so my plan is to travel back and forth to/from antenatal appointments/classes etc. 

My inlaws live 250 miles away from my parents. I know that they would have liked to spend more time with us in the second half of pregnancy & feel a little neglected but with moving house and DH living away things have been so busy that we have not really seen either set of parents much lately.

It is their turn for Christmas this year, so I'd planned to get the train down from my parents to the nearest station to my in laws on either the 23rd or Christmas Eve morning and staying until Boxing Day. As I also have an antenatal appointment earlier in that week that takes me up to almost 600 miles of travelling, mainly alone on a train, whilst 38 weeks pregnant. Just about do-able but I think it'll be incredibly tiring. 

The thing is that there is a landmark birthday in the in laws family that week as well. I'd presumed DH and I would just mark it when we had planned to be there. However they have only just mentioned they would like to celebrate this with DH and I earlier in the week. This would mean that I have to either squeeze in another 500 mile round trip in to that week or I stay down at the in laws for the whole week. The problem is my DH will be working so if I do go in to labour, I'll just have my in laws around and feel really awkward. They also live in the middle of nowhere so I would be dependent on them for lifts to do anything.

DH has already replied yes to his mother, without discussing it with me, presuming I'd travel down after my antenatal appointment & base myself with his parents the week before Christmas instead. This potentially would mean less travelling overall and he can't see the issue as I'll see my parents the week before and after xmas week. I've made it clear that I don't want to do this. 

He's now back tracking to his 
DM but it's clear that it's me that has put the kaibosh. Everyone is now upset and had I not been so heavily pregnant, I could perhaps understand why it may be seen as offensive to my in-laws. I just feel that this is a lot to expect of a heavily pregnant woman. 

user1471426142 Tue 21-Nov-17 06:04:17

I wouldn’t do that kind of trip. I had my little girl at 38 weeks despite everyone saying ‘first babies are always overdue’. Lots of my friends were early as well and seemed to go into labour a few days after finishing work. They are asking a lot of you. It is more important that you are comfortable and relaxed and are happy to give birth in your surroundings if you are early. By the sounds of it, you wouldn’t be happy at your in laws and for me that would mean saying no to the extra travel or staying there for the week.

Itsjustaphase84 Tue 21-Nov-17 06:04:53

Don't feel pressured, you will make yourself ill. I used to travel a lot with my work and gave that up at 30 weeks. I think you are setting up way to much for yourself . You will be knackered and I wouldn't want to do it. I'm due at Xmas and I've decided I'm travelling as little as possible. No way would I be travelling all that. Surely family would understand.

BeeFace Tue 21-Nov-17 06:08:50

Fuck that. And fuck that once more. Birthdays and Christmas happen every year. You having a baby doesn’t. Your need for comfort, security and rest superceeds all that other stuff in my eyes.
Plus at 38 weeks my DS was three days old. Best laid plans and baby arrivsls don’t often go hand in hand.

Pengggwn Tue 21-Nov-17 06:13:58

Tell your DH in no uncertain terms: you will put yourself and the baby first at 38 weeks and you expect his full support. You won't go anywhere you don't want to do, won't be doing unnecessary travelling, will travel if you wish to. He needs to get on board.

chocolateshortcake Tue 21-Nov-17 06:19:38

What @BeeFace said. I will also be 38 weeks at Christmas. I had a baby by 38 weeks the first time round and this time I am staying home with dh and locking the doors, whether we have more babies yet or not. Time to think about you and your baby, and not everyone else.

Louiselouie0890 Tue 21-Nov-17 06:25:07

From my experience (yours may be totally different) you do not want that kind of stress at all.

With my first I stressed about what people wanted. Mum didn't want to be there but wanted a call from me personally every half hour. Family wanted to see me before family seeing after etc etc (nowhere near as much travel as yours) consequently I had a horrible stressful lead up and a stressful labour and a stressful time after

Tryna split myself every way for everyone. I ended up not bonding and having PND.

Second time round I told everyone to piss off did it all my way and I had the most beautiful labour and the time after I could have asked for and it was a million times easier to have and look after baby. People fell out with me still haven't met my daughter but if they fall out with me for looking after my child and my wellbeing then they ain't worth having in my life. Moral of the story look after yourself first.

TheMightyMing Tue 21-Nov-17 06:26:18

Just no, that’s all you need to say, perfectly justified.

haba Tue 21-Nov-17 06:31:31

No!
200 mile round trip on a train? What if you can't wedge your bump between the seats to sit down?
Also, by 38 weeks, I was struggling to fit said bump behind the steering wheel too.
I had a crash at 37 weeks- they were very worried (not baby brain! I was stopped at a pedestrian crossing, someone came along into the back of me)

Sensimilla Tue 21-Nov-17 06:32:06

No way, would I have travelled that far away at 38 weeks pregnant. For 2 reasons; it will be exhausting and uncomfortable AND you might go into labour

NerrSnerr Tue 21-Nov-17 06:34:17

I wouldn’t do that kind of travelling, the trains will be rammed. I had one baby at 38 and 6 and the other at 37 and 5. You don’t want to be having contractions on the train, miles from the next station.

BikeRunSki Tue 21-Nov-17 06:36:31

At 38 weeks i’d had my first baby! It’s not that unusual.

If I were in your position i’d be planning Christmas at home with my DH, the remote control and ready prepared food!

WomblingThree Tue 21-Nov-17 06:40:19

Fuck that to infinity. You need to be at home, in your own bed, relaxing and getting ready for your baby. Grown adults like yours and his parents do not get to take “turns” with you. You are going to be parents yourselves and if you don’t sort this now, you are setting yourselves up for years of being told what to do.

Your baby is way more important than another adult’s “landmark” birthday ffs! Sadly, I imagine you will end up doing as you are told, but just bear in mind, if you give in now you are setting a precedent. Your husband needs to choose between his wife and child and his mother. If he chooses his mother now, I’d be seriously considering my options.

eeanne Tue 21-Nov-17 06:45:36

You’re not going to be getting much rest after baby arrives so you should prioritize taking it easy beforehand. I’m 38 weeks now with my second and knowing what’s ahead I’m doing the bare minimum from now until baby turns up.

There is too much pressure for pregnant women to be running around as normal until we go into labour. Take care of yourself and your baby, the family should understand and if they don’t, they’re wrong not you.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Tue 21-Nov-17 06:49:29

No way would I be doing any long train journeys at 38 weeks, let alone multiple ones!

What if you can't get a seat? The trains will be crowded and hot and smelly if they are anything like ours.

You don't need the stress, it will be awful.

IMO you need to start as you mean to go forward and stop with the alternate Christmas thing. This year, you will be heavily pregnant and will feel more comfortable and safer at your mum's so that's where you stay for Christmas. That's what I would say and do.

DancesWithOtters Tue 21-Nov-17 06:50:23

I’m going into labour just thinking about that, and I’m not even pregnant.

megletthesecond Tue 21-Nov-17 06:51:06

No.

LellyMcKelly Tue 21-Nov-17 06:55:12

No, no, no, no, no. Not in a million years. At 38 weeks you are in the zone. The baby is full term and could come at any time. You need to be close to where you intend giving birth. You need less stress, not more. Travelling on cramped sweaty trains at Christmas is miserable even when you're not pregnant. Invite people to you if you are up to it (I wouldn't even have been up for that - I was in full nesting mode at 38 weeks), but yours and the baby's health must take precedence this year.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Tue 21-Nov-17 06:55:43

This sounds like a nightmare! Just say no!

ShoesHaveSouls Tue 21-Nov-17 06:55:52

My brother's partner was exactly 38wks pregnant last Christmas - and they live far away from us.

Our side of the family put no demands on her at all over Christmas - I'd have never have expected such a heavily pregnant woman to travel so far.

YANBU - please do rest up before the baby is born, and stay where you're comfortable. I'm another who had an early first baby (38+6).

NancyDonahue Tue 21-Nov-17 06:56:00

Stay at home. You being 38 weeks pregnant trumps birthdays and christmas. All mine were born between 38 and 39 weeks but I was uncomfortable long before that. Heartburn was awful. You'd need a wee stop every 20 minutes. You also tend to get quite unsociable at the end of pregnancy. I didn't want to see anyone. Even texts pissed me off.

If you are feeling pressured and unable to deal with it you could always tell a little white lie and say you mentioned it to your midwife and she wasn't happy - the midwife probably would advise against such a long journey anyway.

NerrSnerr Tue 21-Nov-17 07:02:18

I also had extra appointments near the end of both pregnancies. Personally I wouldn’t be travelling 100 miles back and forth, it seems tiring when you should be relaxing.

Splinterz Tue 21-Nov-17 07:03:08

Mary managed it on a donkey grin

dramallamakarma Tue 21-Nov-17 07:14:41

I’m 38 weeks now... struggle to do the school run confused

First pregnancy I found things a bit easily but still think you’re pushing yourself a bit too much.

afrikat Tue 21-Nov-17 07:15:05

Honestly I can't think of anything worse than trying to do all that travel whilst heavily pregnant. Apart from your physical comfort and safety, there is a good chance that trains won't be running due to planned maintenance work or they may be cancelled last minute due to bad weather.
Is there any way your parents can come to you?

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