AIBU to be worried about hurting his pride?

[Partyof7]

OK, so their is a gentleman who has lived in our area for maybe the past 2 years or so. He is an extremely private man, doesn't speed to anyone locally. I have noticed that he owns barely anything...he sleeps on a mattress on the floor , he seems to have no other furniture (his door was open when I walked passed!)does his washing in a bucket outside, the other day he was wearing 2 odd shoes, shorts on the cold weather, that type of thing. My husband and I desperately want to help him, but we really have no idea how to approach him. We were thinking of leaving a hamper of food/ clothing at his door when he was out, anonymously, but the thing is, we know so little about him, and he seems happy enough going about his business. I'm worried that he may be offended. AIBU to be more concerned about hurting his pride rather than offering help? My gut is telling me to reach out to him. I've no idea what to do. What would you do?

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

Maybe post some leaflets about which benefits he may be able to claim? Sounds like he is managing without even the basics.

[WorraLiberty]

Are you sure? Perhaps his furniture is in another room, or is it a bedsit where the street door opens directly into his bedroom?

[Partyof7]

@justbookedasummerholiday
I "think" he's getting some sort of benefits...hubby saw him coming out of benefit office.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Wrap it in Christmas paper?

[Partyof7]

@WorraLiberty 100% sure. Its a flat..I pass his door daily. His mattress lies on the living toon floor.

[WorraLiberty]

Have you posted about this before?

It seems really familiar.

[Crumbs1]

I’m sure there are lots of people who live in very straightened circumstances. It’s kind to want to help and a hamper would, I am sure be well received. Have you ever spoken to him? Loneliness is almost as bad as poverty.

[Partyof7]

@WorraLiberty...no, I only joined mumsnet a few weeks ago.

[Partyof7]

@Crumbs1 I have tried, but I can't get him to make eye contact even.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Benefits dont pay for the basics. There arent crisis loans or anything any more, and people have to wait weeks for the first payment.

[WorraLiberty]

Ahh right.

It's hard to say, if he won't make eye contact with you.

Difficult to gauge how he might react to any help.

[Sara107]

Have you tried speaking to him? Not about his situation, just polite hello, comment on the weather type remarks? Maybe he doesn't have good English. I would start with some attempts at chat and see how that is received.

[AnotherDunroamin]

I would speak to him first. Even if you can't get him to make eye contact, say hello every time you see him and start asking how he's doing. Over time you might find he opens up a little.
I only say that because if he seems "quite happy going about his business" it might be that he's chosen to live that way. My BIL was in the air force and has some funny ideas about how luxuries make a person soft so he has a bare minimum of furniture / appliances, sleeps on the floor (not even on a mattress, just on the carpet) etc. I think he lived so simply for so long whilst overseas that what we consider a normal standard of living feels quite alien to him now. Any chance your neighbour could be in a similar situation?

[SandyY2K]

You could post a Tesco gift card through his door and say... from a good Samaritan.

How very compassionate of you to have him in your thoughts.

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

Could you offer to sign up for freecycle to help furnish his home?

[abualb]

Please reach out to him, anonymously if that works better for you

There was a woman who starved to death not long ago near my sister,no one knew she was struggling so much because she hid it, no onehelped or intervened, she just disappeared and wasfound many weeks later. I always wondered if any of her neighbours thought similar to you but didn't know whether to act

[mila87]

There is a man who sounds exactly like this living next door to my aunt. According to her he was left an absolute fortune when his mother died but he lives like a poor man. 10 years later and he is still living with bare walls, one armchair and a telly that sits on the floor. Wears the same clothes ( jumper and combat trousers) every single day even in the height of summer. Like the exact same jumper for over 10 years, it’s a bit tatty but omg it’s a pretty good jumper to not be completely threadbare. It’s just the way he is.i imagine if someone left him new clothes he wouldn’t wear them! But now you have got me thinking whether I should do something similar. Just incase he accepts the gesture. I say go for it op. Ps the man beside my aunt defo eats so isn’t starving etc.