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To make her disinvite this person?

(50 Posts)
FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 18:49:38

NC, because this will most definitely be immediately identifiable to anyone even vaguely familiar with the situation:

My new team member (let's call them 'Taylor') has accidentally invited a non-team member to our team event - and it's really not their fault as much as that of my boss ('James') - i.e. their boss' boss, whom they obviously wish to please:

All of us (new colleague, boss and myself) work for firm A - we're consultants for firm B. Firm C also consults for firm B. Taylor recently started with us and knew another team member, an employee of C, from a previous job.

I recently introduced Taylor to James and, in the course of the general small talk, Taylor mentioned that this was someone they'd worked with before and who was great. Cue James encouraging Taylor to sign them and, regrettably, using the sentence 'well, you could always invite them to the team event next week - we look most attractive as co-workers when we're all drunk!'

That was obviously hyperbole - what James meant is 'do, in earnest, try to sign them if you can - the part with the team event is, of course, a joke'. Unfortunately, subtext is usually something people only get about others some time after having spoken to them for all of 3 minutes.

Long story short: Believing her new boss' boss to be a tad weird but themselves being eager to please, Taylor invited former colleague from firm C to our (firm A's) team event - the guest list now includes A's entire project staff, ranging from recent graduates to upper management, and random guy from firm C who only knows one single person there.

This is awkward as fuck!

Then again: disinviting someone is also awkward as fuck!

I tried to get around the situation by inviting a bunch of other folks (other consultants and clients) along in order to make it more of a 'meet-up of random folks working in the same general area' thing - but since we're all re-negotiating our contracts at present, nobody's really allowed to speak to each other right now, so I've not really managed to dig up people. Also, the venue can't accommodate a much larger group.

So WTF do I do now?

FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 18:53:46

ETA: I'm the sponsor of the team event, hence the question what I should do.

TrojansAreSmegheads Mon 20-Nov-17 18:55:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 19:00:11

have an awkward conversation with accidental invitee or let them come.

I would ... if I knew them. As things stand, I will either have to have my new employee do it - which is horrible - or let them come. Awkward central!

And, yes, it would be obvious hyperbole to someone familiar with my boss - which Taylor is not. Hence why, IMO, this is his fault. As a member of the upper management, he's technically meant to be self-aware enough to know what he can and cannot expect to be understood.

Gah! There really is no non-horrible way out of this, is there? blush

TrojansAreSmegheads Mon 20-Nov-17 19:01:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheAntiBoop Mon 20-Nov-17 19:08:31

Don't you just tell him that there has been a mix up and this is an internal event to which non- employees are not able to attend

FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 19:09:11

I so do not want to go down in company history as 'person most famous for sponsoring the most awkward team event ever'!

The whole thing was intended to be a 'the project feels rather torturous at present - let us compensate you by buying you lots of alcohol on Fuckward's expense account' kind of thing. The team really needs and deserves it because ... business reasons.

I could always cancel it, but, again, the team really needs and deserves it.

museumum Mon 20-Nov-17 19:11:45

Tell C that all the other external works invitees cant make it so your sure he’ll inderstand if you just make it internal and see him at something else soon.
And yes you should do it - get his number from “Taylor”.

FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 19:12:00

Don't you just tell him that there has been a mix up and this is an internal event to which non- employees are not able to attend

Is that possible without being completely rude (literally no experience - I think my last disinvite was to my 6th birthday party)?

Is that possible without being completely rude to my new employee, who, after all, was trying to do what my boss actually (albeit unintentionally) asked for?

MadMags Mon 20-Nov-17 19:15:17

I think it would be fine for Taylor to say he’d/she’d mistakenly invited him to an A event, rather than a general event. Terribly sorry. I’ll of course let you know when the next general event is.

A bit awkward but preferable to him rocking up to what will obviously be an A event and feeling about an inch tall!

TheAntiBoop Mon 20-Nov-17 19:15:21

I don't think it's rude

He's going to find it super awkward when he turns up so its the kindest thing to do

My place of work wouldn't allow a third party at a staff entertaining event like this.

MrsPestilence Mon 20-Nov-17 19:20:58

Remind him that his acceptance to the piss up, is his acceptance to being head hunted.

DancingHouse Mon 20-Nov-17 19:25:12

Idiot Boss who said "go ahead and invite them" when he didn't actually mean it should be the one to sort it out.

GoldfishCrackers Mon 20-Nov-17 19:25:51

Ugh. Tell Taylor. Apologise for the misunderstanding. Offer to do the uninviting yourself.

With all the drink flying about someone’s going to say something to/within earshot of Taylor. So at some point she’s going to find out she’s misunderstood. Employee from C is also going to feel a bit awkward. Better for that penny to drop whilst there’s still something to be done about it.

It’s not really fair on your team to change the flavour of the event. Sounds like your boss’s comment was (clumsily) communicating that since it’s internal only, it might get messy people will be letting their hair down.

ObscuredbyFog Mon 20-Nov-17 19:34:46

Explain to Taylor how your boss says things she shouldn't take literally.

Then ask her for the guy's contact details from firm C.

You contact the guy in person, at least phone if not f2f, and say you're very sorry, there's been a misunderstanding with arrangements and the forthcoming event is only for firm A's employees.

Then apologise, make some noises about how misunderstandings happen and tell him he's first on the invite list to the next 'open' event you host.

Sashkin Mon 20-Nov-17 19:35:16

You are way overthinking this. This is somebody your boss wants to recruit, and he wants them to meet the team. They will come to the team piss-up, meet everyone, and more than likely go home after an hour having shown their face.

Tell Taylor to check that their co-worker knows that they will be the only external person there, and give them the option of coming to the next general event instead if they prefer. But don’t disinvite them, it is rude and completely OTT.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Mon 20-Nov-17 19:44:50

I agree with Sashkin you're overthinking this. It's a piss up, why on earth would everyone be squirming with embarrassment just because there's one additional person there confused? Just leave it.

HermionesRightHook Mon 20-Nov-17 19:54:44

Yeah this is salvagable, promise. Ask for the contact details and explain, and suggest drinks another night with a few members of the team.

Or send an email to your employee who invited C person, saying 'I'm sorry, we're got massive crossed wires here, I can't stress how much this was not your fault at all, I think Big Boss Man misspoke [or other face saving thing for your new employee] - this is a Team A event only and it's just not possible to have C here, much as we'd love to have him. Can you forward this onto him with my heartfelt apologies and would C like to come for [appropriate other event] next week?'

FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 19:58:02

Plan of action - feedback appreciated:

Speak to Taylor, explain the misunderstanding. Emphasize that this is James' fault, not theirs. Ask them to explain to the guy from C that the invitation stands but to make it abundantly clear that everyone else will be an A employee and that it's technically an A team event.

Hope guy from C withdraws - if he doesn't, at least he'll know what he's in for, making the whole thing a lot less awkward.

AlternativeTentacle Mon 20-Nov-17 20:00:40

Easier - get Taylor to explain that it has been cancelled in lieu of an internal team event only, sorry. Will invite him to the next get-together.

MaidOfStars Mon 20-Nov-17 20:03:11

Oh Christ no. Just let him come.

I was disinvited from a team event once (‘above my paygrade’). It was embarrassing for me, fucking excruciating for the person who emailed me, and honestly coloured my view of the management team. Bellends.

MrsPestilence Mon 20-Nov-17 20:07:27

Am I right in thinking you don't want him to come and work for A?

If you do want him to work for you, go with Sashkin's plan.

FuckwardAsAwk Mon 20-Nov-17 20:16:06

Am I right in thinking you don't want him to come and work for A?

I have no preference either way at this point, really, having never met the person. They might be great for all I (or my boss) know. Or crap.

I'm more concerned about the fact that having a competitor's employee there will mean the guys can't blow off steam and bitch about our more ... erm ... demanding clients in a safe environment without it potentially biting us in the bum. And, quite frankly, I don't trust all of my guys to behave once they've had a few. That's why we rent private venues for that sort of thing.

AlternativeTentacle Mon 20-Nov-17 20:19:10

Just let him come.

He doesnt work there. It is an internal team event.

bluebells1 Mon 20-Nov-17 20:22:51

Get taylor to call the other employee. Say this "Turns out it is a team event afterall, afraid we have to catch up later. Sorry!"

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