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Not liking to talk about Xmas in front of my friend!

(51 Posts)
Obie4 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:24:40

Ok this may sound silly, but it makes me feel really bad for talking about our Christmas plans in front of or with a good friend!
We have been friends for years, we are like chalk and cheese but get on so well. We have been brought up in the same area same kind of background ECT..
I love Christmas, it think it's all about kids and family, I will do anything to make it special and rememerable for my children. Neither me or my friend have a great deal of money but i make the best of it. I started buying our kids christmas presents in july.
My friend however seems to have no care for Christmas. Her kids pick what they want so no exitment for Santa, one of her children is going away for Xmas with a family member, she says she can't afford a lot of presents or decorations, they don't visit santa. She hasn't brought a single present yet. She basically puts little effort in.
I never talk about how much I'm spending or what I'm buying, she knows we start early and have a strict budget. But whenever I talk about Xmas, she goes so quiet, she has told me it's because she can't afford it, and I make her feel bad.
My husband works so hard for what we Have, her and her boyfriend don't work, and she is happy to say what money they get, so I know for a fact they actually have more money coming in than us, but she is so silly with money.
I was talking to another friend earlier about Xmas eve routines, I told her I had just brought my kids a special Rudolph hot chocolate bag each for Xmas eve and will get them a book each to go with it. These rudolph things were only a pound each. I was explaining that I put treats like this on there pillows Xmas eve so they see it when they go get there pjs, and leave them little letters from Santa to tell them to go to sleep nicely. I love doing this. Today she got the right hump about this, saying I make every one feel bad for not being able to do this for there children.
Am I in the wrong for trying to make Christmas special for my kids. And being exited about it. I do not brag about money. (Not much to brag about). I don't spend a small fortune. I just plan it and spend well. No other friend seems to have a problem with this!

ILoveMillhousesDad Mon 20-Nov-17 18:27:17

So just don't talk about Christmas with her.

shutitandtidyupgitface Mon 20-Nov-17 18:27:35

Then don't talk to her about it.

(ps, its bought, not brought)

Allthewaves Mon 20-Nov-17 18:27:50

You know she's not into Christmas so why on earth would you talk to her about your Christmas eve routine

dementedpixie Mon 20-Nov-17 18:29:03

Meh I haven't started either but then my 2 don't know what they want

Margomyhero Mon 20-Nov-17 18:29:53

Some people love Christmas - others don't care so much.

I fall into the second category. Maybe your friend does too?

Just discuss something else. Christmas is one day roll on December 26

GreenTulips Mon 20-Nov-17 18:30:19

Why does it need so much discussion?

Can tyiu just get in with what you want without bragging about it too her?

We have Christmas - gifts turkey and a tree

I don't feel the need to over explain the 'extras' to anybody

MirandaGoshawk Mon 20-Nov-17 18:30:56

Gosh no, don't feel bad! You sound like a lovely mum. It's not always about money, is it? It's about imagination. If she can't be bothered/isn't interested then it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying making it special for your dch. I would avoid the subject with her. She sounds a bit envious, tbh.

MatildaTheCat Mon 20-Nov-17 18:32:56

You are making her feel inadequate. If she wants advice on making Christmas special she will know who to come to. In the meantime discuss Brexit?

mummytothree87 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:33:44

Course you're not in the wrong for making it as special as you can for you're kids...i do the same as you (start shopping early and have Xmas eve boxes for my two older dd's). I have a friend who doesn't do any shopping until the week before then complains nothing her kids want is in stock. You shouldn't be made to feel bad because you're organised and regardless of how much or little money someone has they're are always ways to make it a special time. I wouldn't let it get to you

Obie4 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:40:49

Just to clear it up, I don't just start these conversations with her, and I did say I was talking to another friend about Xmas eve routines, we have a group of friends so she will be there when/if we are talking about it. I don't brag, and as it makes me feel uncomfortable with her i generally dont just start talking about it, it's just conversation.

reachforthestarseveryday Mon 20-Nov-17 18:43:08

Hmm. What's the rest of your relationship like? Do you like her? Maybe have a break from her and don't see her for a while.

ScreamingValenta Mon 20-Nov-17 18:44:53

You're overthinking this. Talk about what comes naturally to you, but, as you would with any subject, good manners dictate that you don't let one topic dominate a conversation if it becomes clear another party to the conversation clearly isn't interested or can't contribute.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Mon 20-Nov-17 18:45:56

Stop talking about it with her directly. If it's just part of general group conversations there's little you can do; it's nearly Christmas, people are going to talk about it...

Witsender Mon 20-Nov-17 18:46:06

Don't do it then. Other people's Christmas just isn't that interesting.

Some people go all out, to others it isn't all that massive a deal. She's not a worse parent for falling into the latter camp.

ScreamingValenta Mon 20-Nov-17 18:47:23

^apologies for overuse of the word 'clear' in my post.

GerrytheBerry Mon 20-Nov-17 18:48:08

So you've established she has money, but doesn't spend it wisely, what you have to realise is not everyone is the same, some people struggle, with life in general, and Christmas can be overwhelming.
Stop going on about Christmas to her it sounds like she doesn't cope well with it, just because you go above and beyond to celebrate (and good for you!) it doesn't mean everyone else has to.

PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Nov-17 18:49:57

My husband works so hard for what we Have, her and her boyfriend don't work, and she is happy to say what money they get, so I know for a fact they actually have more money coming in than us, but she is so silly with money.

It sounds like you judge her for how she spends her money. Maybe that comes across when you’re talking about Christmas.

madcatwoman61 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:50:14

Anyone who goes on about Christmas to me before mid December gets the cold shoulder - it’s like it takes over half the year! Christmas is one day, why on earth does it take 6 months of planning?

Obie4 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:52:10

'Reach'
We have a great relationship, We see each other a few times a week. Our kids are now friends like we were as kids.

Whatsforu Mon 20-Nov-17 18:54:42

Sounds like you make it very special for your kids which is lovely. I'm afraid I am in the finding Christmas stressful camp for numerous reasons. I do struggle when people talk of all the effort they put in but then thats not their fault. Talk about something else around her.

YellowMakesMeSmile Mon 20-Nov-17 18:54:49

Christmas isn't just about spendings, lots of traditions are free or very cheap. She also has the potential to change her lifestyle but chooses not too.

I'd just steer clear of Christmas talk or see her less until the season is over.

KathArtic Mon 20-Nov-17 18:57:06

You sound like a lovely mum and your kids are very lucky. They are only young once so make it special.

Anyway, Christmas doesn't need to be expensive, it's about making memories so why should you shut up about it. It's your friends problem for not being organised.

Mine are teens now and we've just put our tree up. They were so excited, we all fell out about where to put things as usual and we opened the Quality Street grin

harrypotternerd Mon 20-Nov-17 18:57:53

You can do what you want for christmas, she can do what she wants. my mum died at christmas so it is not my favourite time of the year and while I do make it special for the kids I don't go all out. Not everyone wants to and that is okay.

BreakfastAtStephanies Mon 20-Nov-17 18:58:50

I said to DH yesterday while we were out in the car " what are we going to do about Christmas ? "

He replied " Fuck Christmas " .

It's my new favourite thing. I love him even more because he's such a grinch. He wasn't in a bad mood, either.

So, OP there is a whole spectrum of excitement and reaction to the forthcoming festivities. Maybe don't mention much to your friend about your plans.

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