To not want to stay away Christmas Day?

[DumbledoresPensieve]

Inspired by another thread and my reply on there (I posted as below) I thought I'd post here for opinions on my specific thing.

We are planning on spending Christmas day with my in laws who we get on with very well, which includes OHs sister and her partner too. OH wants to stay there overnight, even though we're really local and I have no problem driving us home.

I really hate staying at other people's houses anyway, but more so now that DS who is 19m currently will not settle for the night in someone else's house. He used to, but he doesn't anymore even when it's somewhere familiar. We visit the inlaws lots so he knows the house etc.

I am currently trying to convince OH to return home for DS's bedtime - rather than trying to get DS settled fruitlessly for an hour or two before returning home anyway with everyone stressed - and invite his family to ours for the evening (there are no other children to accommodate and I'm happy to drive everyone or they could stay if they wanted). The idea came up in front of his Mum when we were thinking aloud, and she seemed quite happy to come to us for the evening. OH is not keen and wants to 'at least try' staying over there.

I have suggested that we do a dry run staying over there before Christmas and see how that goes with the view that of it's a success then we'll try staying on Christmas Day but if not then we won't. OH is huffy about this as he feels that at 19m DS should just settle wherever we put him down and that 'pandering' to him shows him he can kick off and get his way. I think he's too young to pick this up, and don't want a big stressy time on Christmas Day for any of us.

The following day we are spending with my family and the situation will be much the same there. He won't settle there - we can try but it's doubtful so I expect we'll end up coming home in the evening. Can't really invite everyone to ours that day as my family is huge plus there are is another child who will be going to bed there.

AIBU?

[Snausage]

My mum always told me that, whilst having children would change my life forever, I couldn't let DS rule it. She was right! Taking him to new places (or just places that weren't home) overnight was a ballache the first few times, but now he will sleep anywhere we stay.

Personally, I agree with your DH. I think it's dangerous territory to stop doing things/going to new places because your child finds it difficult to settle. Hell, I find it difficult to sleep anywhere that isn't home! It sounds as if you're making a big deal of it. Your child might cry for a while when you put him down, but he will eventually go to sleep. Each time you go somewhere different, it'll be easier. I'd hate the thought of not going to visit friends for a weekend or go away for a weekend because DS finds it difficult to settle!

[Allthebestnamesareused]

So you seriously want your OH to bin off Christmas day with his parents to get home in time for a toddler's bedtime.

I suspect your own toddler will be worn out with all the activity of the day and fall asleep from exhaustion of all that has gone anyway!

[Goldenphoenix]

I have a 19 month old and feel your pain! So you aren't stressing about it and to appease your husband why not try and stay and see how it goes? Your LO may well surprise you but if not then no harm done you can drive home instead that evening. I can understand your DH wanting to stay with his parents but also see where you are coming from as worrying about having a crap night could mar your Christmas day. This might be a middle ground?

[Bluntness100]

I’d maybe think about how much of this is down to you hating staying in other peoples houses. Your son is 19 months, of course he should settle and get into the routine, there is no reason he shouldn’t. You just say it’s an adventure. Get him excited about staying at grannies house at 19 months they don’t care .

I think the issue is you need to agree to stay, if you’re not up for it, don’t blame your son, just be honest you don’t want to do it.

[grasspigeons]

Get drunk and ask your DH to settle him when the time comes.

[HolyShet]

What do you mean by he won't settle?

Stay up and chirrup about?

or

Scream the place down?

With my 3 in that situation I jsut let them stay up and pootle till they flopped and let them lie in/compensate with more napping later but they fell in to first category.

So I'd bin off the dry run (what's the point? it won't tell you what he will do a few weeks later - though you could go and visit and say this is where you'll go to bed on Christmas etc) and see how it goes.

[AtlanticWaves]

Yeah.

Her toddler might cry for a bit then go to sleep.

Or else he'll cry and cry and get so worked up he's sick' what a lovely way to spend an evening !

All DC are different. Not all will go to sleep anywhere no matter how hard you try.

We used to travel to family regularly by car. DS1 NEVER slept in the car until he was 4 years old. No matter what time we travelled.

Up to you OP but with DS1 I listened to everyone else concerning DS's sleep and the only people who suffered were me and DS. With DS2 I did what we needed and it was much better.

[Floralnomad]

I wouldn’t stay anywhere that was local enough to get home , can’t see the point . In your position I’d just pack up and come home in the evening when you want and if your partner wants to stay just let him get on with it . This answer has nothing to do with toddler bedtimes ( we never had them let alone pandered to them ) but is purely down to my dislike of staying in other people’s houses when I have a perfectly good bed of my own to sleep in within driving distance .

[WunWun]

It would be a bit sad for your DH to have to leave his family to sit at home as usual for the evening on Christmas day wouldn't it?

I'd give it a try staying over personally.

[ineedaholidaynow]

It won't be much fun at your parents the next day if your DS has had very little sleep the night before.

To be fair I don't sleep well at other people's houses so would like to go home too, otherwise I might be grumpy the next day.

It sounds as if you see ILs quite often so it's not like they haven't seen you in ages.

[Bluntness100]

Op, when you say you invited his parents over to yours in the evening, are you also inviting his sister and her partner who will be there? Are they invited to stay over night? Or do you expect them to go home too.

It just seems an awfully complicated Xmas, afternoon at theirs, then you all drive back to yours, then they drive back to theirs . And in addition you want to do it by your sons bed time, so I’m guessing what sevenish? Can you fit all of you in one car? It’s seven people. Or would someone else have to stay dry to drive?

I really wouldn’t be up for it either. However I have no issues staying in folks houses, and I simply expected my daughter to settle,and if she didn’t I managed it, no stress.

[shutitandtidyupgitface]

I think the baby is just picking up on your issue with staying elsewhere, plus you are using him as an excuse. You don't want to stay there. Why not just say so?

yabu.

[LemonShark]

I'm torn on this one, I'm inclined to think you're husband is BU for trying to push you to stay somewhere you don't want to stay when you're so near home. We visited my OH's friends last weekend and got a hotel at great expense as I hate staying at people's houses and especially ones I barely know. He'd have preferred to crash on their sofa but he came back to the hotel miles away in an Uber with me cos he felt his preference wasn't as important as my discomfort. And I'd have done the same if he wanted his own space while visiting my friends.

But I also see everyone's points about getting your son used to staying out at people's homes sooner rather than later. I don't buy the 'but it's Christmas' argument, you're there for the day and it's hardly an imposition to go home on the evening.

[LemonShark]

But yes if it's just you not wanting to stay there just be honest and say it. Couching it as concern about your son's sleep is a distraction and just invites husband trying to problem solve that issue. When the issue is you don't want to, son or no son

[shutitandtidyupgitface]

I don't buy the 'but it's Christmas' argument, you're there for the day and it's hardly an imposition to go home on the evening

It is if your family are all there and are just about to get monopoly and beers out and you have to go home at 6,30 because your wife insists your baby needs to be in their own bed!

I would not be happy with that at all,

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

Tell dh it's a great idea, have yourself a drink and hand ds to dh at bedtime. Job done.

[GreenTulips]

Leave DH at his moms and you go home with the baby and watch a few crappy movies.
Job done

[PuppyMonkey]

You go home to your own bed and leave the 19 month old and your DH to it.

[GreenTulips]

Even better!

[GreenTulips]

Why is it your job to get DS to sleep??

Do a few dry runs where DH stays at his moms with the baby and you have a night off and he can come home and tell you how he managed

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

I don't think some people have read the thread at all. The OP is just saying that if everyone comes to their house for the evening then it'll be much easier - it's pretty obvious she'll be the one trying to get her child to sleep while her husband's downstairs. If her child is knackered, the next day is ruined too.

[bakingaddict]

I think your DH just wants to relax at his parents, even if everybody traipses off to your house you'll have to get packed up and ready about 6pm which if you have a later lunch means wolfing it down to be ready to go and a bit scheduled. It's Christmas just go and enjoy time together with his family, baby will sleep if tired regardless

[Heratnumber7]

We made a point of having our DDs get used to sleeping anywhere when they were little, with or without us.
It makes life much easier in the long run if you need to leave them in an emergency, if you know they are settled and happy at granny’s/aunty’s/friend’s house.

[shutitandtidyupgitface]

The OP is just saying that if everyone comes to their house for the evening then it'll be much easier

For her maybe. Not for everyone else.

[WipsGlitter]

How would it work on practice? Would you leave about five, go home, organise stuff for the evening (drinks and food) and then the other some after bedtime or what?

Will your DH be drinking? Is he worried leaving will spoil the flow of the day and no one will want to come to your and you’ll spend the evening alone (bliss in my book)

What about doing the whole day at yours?