to think about buying my parents a Xmas present?

[floridasunshine]

Since I became engaged to my wonderful DH (about three years ago) my relationship with my parents (with whom I was once very close to) has become non-existant. (The reason for this is a whole other/many other stories!). They've made it clear that they actively dislike me and hate my DH (to the extent that they blocked me on social media and won't stand in the same room as me). Anyway, my DM (who is quite (very) manipulative) has messaged me saying that she'd like to get me a magazine subscription for Christmas. I thought this was so lovely - thinking perhaps that they'd decided to move on and start re-building bridges. But since then, they have told me that I/we are NOT to get them a present, because they're still incredibly upset with me/us. This has made me very upset - that they're still holding onto daft old quarrels when I want to rebuild our relationship. Also, I enjoy giving presents. Most worryingly, I've got a horrid feeling that if I don't give them anything then it will (at least subconsciously) affect their already-negative image of me/us (and make me into the 'bad-cop'). But if I do, then that might also cause upset, which I don't want either. WWYD? WIBU to send them something?

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

I wouldn't play their silly game. Tell them you don't want anything and if they still send the subscription forward it on to them.

[floridasunshine]

@Corbyns thank you for replying! I would love to tell them where they can shove their subscription... Howeverrr, I was hoping that perhaps an exchange of presents could be a peace offering. And I'm not sure that that would be taken as a message of good-will.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

An exchange of presents could maybe lead to reconciliation. But I'm buying you this but you're not allowed to buy me anything because I'm still angry with you isn't quite the same.
There needs to be goodwill on both sides. Let them know you are ready to forgive when they are. But that's obviously not now.

[Splinterz]

Why don't they like your DH. Why is his existance such negative impact that it's destroyed your realtionhip with your parents? >nosey

[floridasunshine]

@Corbyns - you're probably right...
@Splinterz - they dislike my DH (thus cauing the family rift) because, I think, (and I'm not sure they'd agree with this), because I wanted to spend more time with him than I did with them and their buisness. They'll say they hate him because he barged into the house without being invited into their house (not true), that he brought his parents up to their house to argue with them (not true, but that was quite a day!) and that he shouted at them (true- however, it was provoked). Yet, this was all three years ago! I want to move on!

[Paddington68]

Send them a nice hamper, it's what the Queen Mother would do. If it helps towards reconciliation and you want that, lovely; if not chalk it up to experience.