I have NC for this as am fairly sure the very pleasant woman involved in a MNer and I don't want to upset anyone. But I do want advice/telling to get a grip.
DH is a good dad and husband but a terrible friend. He has abandoned all his mates in the 24 years I've known him. He is popular as he is sporty, very able (making things, DIY, brilliant with kids, big exciting projects etc) he is funny, witty, a good cook, generous etc. Occasionally a miserable bastard but mostly just cba with any communication - won't answer phone/texts/emails etc. no social media. Months go by and he won't speak to his parents, he never instigates contact with anyone. There are deeper reasons for this (MH issues) but not relevant here. He is NC with his family (other than parents) and has dropped everyone else over the years.
The AIBU is regarding his Goddaughter (GD) who is the child of his school friend. His friend is a high flyer and very wealthy, we are not. Made a big deal of choosing DH as a GP. I was concerned that DH would not fulfill his role (we're also atheist) and attempted to speak to his friend about it but was brushed off. As I predicted DH did not maintain a relationship with GD. I have chosen and sent gifts because although I reject all other wife work, I like the children, it is an honour to be asked and it is not a big deal. Last Xmas, DH friend called me in a rage on 21st December ranting and screaming that DH had not returned his calls and that the gifts sent were pointless as it was obviously me buying them for her. He was really angry. I didn't say much but he repeatedly shouted that I had to 'make him fucking well phone me' and there was the implication that I was in someway to blame for Dh not being in contact 'I know you're very busy with your business but he needs to see his friends' etc. I said very little and was quite stunned.
I told DH about the call and he sat with his head in his hands for a few minutes then apologised for the call, and left the room. About a week after Xmas I got a text message from friends wife apologising for not sending anything for our DC for Xmas (I didn't expect anything) and received a £20 amazon voucher by email.
Over the weekend I broached the subject with DH and he said he didn't want to discuss it. It is GD's birthday and Xmas in next month and I feel extremely uncomfortable about ignoring it.
AIBU to ask DH to make a decision either:
- we tell them he cannot manage being GF but we would like to see them when possible (limited as we live 300 miles apart have no spare room and work 6 days a week)
- we tell them we are sorry for all the poor communication and he then sets a phone alarm and actually phones/does gifts etc
- we decide due to the anger displayed on phone we do not maintain contact but tell them this and end confusion/frustration
Or is it his relationship to manage as poorly as he wishes and I should get my nose out? AIBU to care?
I would prefer it if DH had friends and a social life but he has made it clear that he doesn't want this at all. Sorry this is so long.