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AIBU?

Urgent- Misconduct

82 replies

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:25

Last Friday I took time off work, advising them that my DD(8) was unwell. She often suffers from this illness so work are used to me needing time to organise childcare when it crops up. The truth is I had the day off because I'm suffering from anxiety and depression after a traumatic event I'm not ready to tell anyone about. I'm so anxious work will see through my lies though. I'm due to start in 10 minuites and worried they will request to see my DD health records to prove I did need time off to get her seen by GP. Could they do this? (Please don't lecture me on using DD health issue or about lying, I know how wrong this was. That's why I'm so worried and upset).

OP posts:

Report

Allthewaves · 20/11/2017 10:27

Did you send dd to school?

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:28

Yes

OP posts:

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:29

Can work request her medical records/ school records? Or can I say that's her confidential information?

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OurMiracle1106 · 20/11/2017 10:29

I think you need to be honest with Work. Your employer isn’t going to be able to help you if they don’t know what is wrong. They may also have access to counselling etc which could be useful for you.

You lied but you weren’t well. They should understand and try to help.

DesignedForLife · 20/11/2017 10:30

Have you talked to anyone about your anxiety & depression? Might be a good idea to go to your GP for support. If you're at the point of not being well enough to work they can write a sick note, and in my experience they usually make it vague enough that it won't embarrass you.

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:31

I can't tell anyone. It's to do with my "D"H I really can't go there right now.

OP posts:

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:32

Please can anyone advise on the work thing? I'm a rubbish liar and think they may ask for proof.

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Gonetogetgrandma · 20/11/2017 10:32

Do they normally ask for proof of your daughters illness?

Honestly, it’s your anxiety that is over thinking it.

Worse case scenario, you come clean and tell them. No shame in anxiety and depression and they will need to look at how they can be more supportive of yo, it’s an illness just like a broken arm, or leg.

Good luck

Booboobooboo84 · 20/11/2017 10:32

You don’t have to tell work the truth they are unlikely to find out your daughter was well. However not telling the truth is probably going to cause you to torment yourself. I would just come clean in an e-mail. Explain something happened that you didn’t and don’t want to talk about so you had a day off for mental health reasons and a simple apology for saying your daughter was ill.

reachforthestarseveryday · 20/11/2017 10:32

I think you need to be honest with Work. Your employer isn’t going to be able to help you if they don’t know what is wrong. They may also have access to counselling etc which could be useful for you.

This^

Because at the moment you're just worrying about work as well, which will not improve your anxiety.

Could you try to talk to someone about the traumatic event? You might feel a lot better having told someone, and then you can start to get better.

Bringmewineandcake · 20/11/2017 10:33

They can’t ask for your DD’s records, no. The data protection act makes sure of that. If you think they’ll know you’re lying then you either need to try and improve your poker face, or talk to someone you do trust at work.

WitchesHatRim · 20/11/2017 10:34

The only thing they may do is not pay you for the day off. They aren't obliged to do so.

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:34

They don't normally ask for proof, no. Can they legally ask for it though?

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TheClacksAreDown · 20/11/2017 10:35

You can self certify for a week so just tell them you are not able to come into work due to anxiety.

ButchyRestingFace · 20/11/2017 10:35

Please can anyone advise on the work thing? I'm a rubbish liar and think they may ask for proof

Do they usually ask?

In any case, you wouldn’t call the doctor out for a D&V bug (or whatever it was you said she had) so medical records wouldn’t prove anything.

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:35

Ok thank you. I can't talk to anyone. Thank you.

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Gonetogetgrandma · 20/11/2017 10:37

Seen latest post. You don’t need to go into lengthy convo with them about you anxiety and depression, no need to go into minute detail about it.

They’re more interested to know it’s not connected to workplace stress, which you are saying it isn’t. .

Go to doctor and discuss, if you want signing off, or if there is something employer can do to make things easier for you.

The only info they need to know is how can they support you.

KirstyJC · 20/11/2017 10:39

If you don't feel able to work now, Is there a any way you could self certify for the next week? Tell them you are unwell with your mental health but can't give details yet?

Assuming it is safe for you to be at home of course.

FlowerPot1234 · 20/11/2017 10:42

They cannot ask for your daughter's medical records. Absolutely not. Never.

They could ask for a letter to confirm you attended a GP practice for your daughter. Extremely unlikely.

I would urge you to tell your HR/welfare department about what's going on. Have evidence from your GP that you are suffering from anxiety and have been diagnosed with depression.

Don't worry..

KaliforniaDreamz · 20/11/2017 10:42

You don't have to reveal to work why you're feeling terrible. In fact don't bring up the past at all (recent or otherwise) just tak to someone at work and tell them you feel incredbily anxious and will be seeing your GP to start some treatment/get help. x

BeetrootTart · 20/11/2017 10:43

As others have said, self certify if possible.

Or be vague with GP...

Are you safe at home? Is your daughter?

CotswoldStrife · 20/11/2017 10:44

I suspect you'll give yourself away in work due to your behaviour tbh, and this sounds like DV Don't conceal it but do speak to someone about it and get yourself some support. If you don't want to speak to work, ring a helpline or speak to your GP.

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Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:45

Home is hell. I'm sat outside work. I can't go in. I've had 6 days off in 4 months with DD. As long as the Data Protection Act protects her from there getting her records. I think I will be fired for gross misconduct.

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RosaTheOwl · 20/11/2017 10:46

this is your anxiety talking, they won't ask

the difficulty is probably that you used your DD rather than saying you weren't well which is the easiest thing to do - you can self cert for 5 days.

Booboobooboo84 · 20/11/2017 10:46

I just dm’d you op. Please contact womens aid if you need support. Call work today and say you can’t go in. It will be ok

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