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Or rather what defines a pushy parent and at what point are they BU?

(16 Posts)
Lollipop30 Sun 19-Nov-17 23:35:38

I think I must be a pushy parent!

I don’t want it to detriment my kids though or anyone else’s. I probably should let things slide more but just don’t seem to be able to.

What’s the difference between supportive and pushy? And how can you tell which you’re being??

Crumbs1 Sun 19-Nov-17 23:47:02

I was definitely on tiger mother side. High expectations, few excuses (but acknowledgement of reasons), active support and plenty of enrichment activities. Support for school rather than battling about every perceived or actual teacher error. Clear boundaries. Known sanctions. Rewards aplenty. Firm belief in capability of children to succeed.

Appuskidu Sun 19-Nov-17 23:55:32

I think I must be a pushy parent!

What makes you think that?

NoSquirrels Sun 19-Nov-17 23:55:57

In what way do you think you are a "pushy" parent?

I can tick off a lot of Crumbs list, but I do not consider myself to be remotely "pushy".

Lollipop30 Mon 20-Nov-17 00:34:56

I’m just getting a bit fed up and frustrated with being made to feel like I’m making a fuss for no reason when others are happy to say nothing.

For example,
DD hadn’t changed reading book or been read with at school for a month. Is it unreasonable to ask why? Prior it was every other day so that seemed a big change.

Having had particular annoyance with swimming lessons today. DD was awarded the same certificate for the third time. AIBU for asking what the hell im paying for?

There’s other things too which is why I feel like I must be being unreasonable, I’m being treated like I’ve lost the plot for asking by other parents.

NoSquirrels Mon 20-Nov-17 10:47:16

Neither of those examples are remotely pushy, OP. The other parents are pretty uninterested in their DC's lives if they wouldn't point out a problem with either of those things!

Crumbs1 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:45:49

Agree. Although I never really fussed about reading books at school except to say they weren’t doing reading scheme as they were well past that level and were more motivated by ‘proper’ books. Their reading practice was done at home almost entirely.
I would moan about same swimming certificate though.

Crumbs1 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:48:59

I think I was considered tiger ish as I set expectations on grades and achievements, expected commitment to extracurricular activities and was clear I didn’t “ Just want them to be happy”. Of course, I wanted them to be happy but I knew that this tended to come from stability, achievement and self discipline.

Allthewaves Mon 20-Nov-17 18:50:23

Can't get worked up over reading books. Surely just ask the teacher.

As for swimming lessons, badges don't bother me I want to see that my child can swim with decent technique

RedSkyAtNight Mon 20-Nov-17 18:55:03

Well neither of those examples are being pushy - just questioning why something is being done/not done.

To answer the question in your title. My parents are/were pushy. It became U at the point where their need to have me behave/achieve the way they thought I ought to became more about them than what I wanted to do/what I was capable of/the sort of person I was.

blondiebonce Mon 20-Nov-17 18:57:37

Nothing wrong with being proactive. I think it's important to pick your battles but both your examples are very fair.

I get strange looks when I ask how DD 3.5 is getting with her phonics. She loves learning them. I'm showing an interest. Hardly force feeding her Shakespeare. That's next week grin

TeenTimesTwo Mon 20-Nov-17 19:01:24

It's an irregular verb: I'm supportive, you are involved, she is pushy.

OP. Neither of your examples is remotely pushy.

Flicketyflack Mon 20-Nov-17 19:06:11

Being pushy, I think, is when you take only your kids views in to account. By this
I mean you do not appreciate the breadth and depth of the tasks a teacher had to cover and the number of kids they have to teach!

Sometimes your kids does have to sit next to the noisy/disruptive kids it does not always have to be my children. So please stop asking for your son or daughter to be moved as, because
I don't complain as much as you, they end up next to my kids.

All my kids are doing well academically and I have never bothered with asking for books to be changed, or asking for them to be read to or heard read etc . I read to my kids and they read to me. I don't hassle the teachers un necessarily so if I do need to speak to them it has real significance.

Just one parents point of view. winkXxxx

lljkk Mon 20-Nov-17 19:21:09

U is when you upset your child or annoy people or set up unhappy relationships & feelings just b/c your kids don't share your killer motivation.

"Bea" is a parent always chivvying her kids to try harder at sportX (DD also does). DD does a great comedy routine imitating what Bea is like in how she talks to her kids about the sport, & cheers form sidelines, etc. I get along quite well with Bea who probably knows about DD taking the mick, too & doesn't mind. It's possible to be very pushy but not annoying.

Ttbb Mon 20-Nov-17 19:24:43

A pushy parent is one that unreasonably forces children into doing things that they don't need to do. E.g. It is not pushy to insist that you children do their homework but it is pushy to force your children to go to extra tutoring to get ahead (as opposed to keep up) when they hate it. It's not pushy to force your child to practice the instrument that they have asked to learn. It is pushy to force your child to learn an instrument when they have explicitly told you that they don't want to.

Lollipop30 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:06:43

Thanks they’re all fab examples. Maybe I’m not pushy then I just feel it in comparison to the other parents especially when they may raise their eyebrows at stuff!

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