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To miss someone I can’t have?

(89 Posts)
AhhhhHotelBlisss Sun 19-Nov-17 23:25:33

Any solutions please?

GinwithCucumber Sun 19-Nov-17 23:28:36

Is he all that, really?

Venusflytwat Sun 19-Nov-17 23:29:32

The solution is to stop any contact and keep plodding on.

Eventually the feelings will abate.

AhhhhHotelBlisss Sun 19-Nov-17 23:31:15

No he’s not - think it’s what he represents.

BulletFox Sun 19-Nov-17 23:31:36

Ummm...well, what do you mean? You mean that you loved someone and really miss them?

I really loved someone but was stopped from engaging with him as apparently it was 'inappropriate'. I get a brain void about it now, I can't think about it properly.

But what is your situation?

Godotsarrived Sun 19-Nov-17 23:37:21

It’s shit. But you just keep on keeping on and sublimate it. Day to day you eventually stop thinking about it. But it is always there in the background. You live with it. Life is grand. You cope.

GinwithCucumber Sun 19-Nov-17 23:47:00

What does he represent?
Can anybody else respresent that?

I had to end a relationship April 2016. I didnt want to. I loved him but he wouldn't call me his girlfriend although we were in a relationship. Time not only healed the pain but it made me realise he must have been knowingly eroding my self esteem to lazily meet a need.

Chasingsquirrels Sun 19-Nov-17 23:58:59

I miss my late-DH acutely, I can't have him (death being pretty damn final and that).

If a relationship between the two of you is a definite no, for whatever reason, you mourn that and meanwhile your life carries on and finds a different rhythm.

AhhhhHotelBlisss Sun 19-Nov-17 23:59:08

He is my best friend’s brother. I don’t know him that well but have had a few recent meet-ups with them and just really enjoyed his company/liked him - was like a switch had clicked. He is younger so it’s only in the last year or so I’ve really noticed him in this way. I see him all over social media and he often comments on things I’m up to on there, just makes me like him more really and feel sick about it... we have a very similar sense of humour too

I obviously know all about him from her and he just seems an all-roundnice guy - funny, intelligent, ambitious, confiendent, attractive. I have a lot going on for me but sadly no man! I felt like he was being flirty on our last meeting (as a three) but am not sure whether that’s just him?

AhhhhHotelBlisss Sun 19-Nov-17 23:59:39

I’m so sorry ChasingSquirrels sad Thats awful x

Chasingsquirrels Mon 20-Nov-17 00:01:18

So he isn't a definite no go at all 😀.
I'd suggest you persue things further and see if there is a possibility there.

Sara107 Mon 20-Nov-17 00:05:29

Why can't you have him? You're single, he seems interested in you. You don't mention whether he's single or not? If he is, why can't you encourage his interest? Because he's your friends brother? I think that would be quite nice actually, you would have a really close relationship set.

JetCityWoman Mon 20-Nov-17 00:05:40

and me OP. a guy, clicked in all the quirky unusual ways people can. From loving the same 3 movies to our spotify playlists matching up pretty well to our outlook on life, same favourite obscure(fish) pieces of art. and such. He loves my house and the weird and random mishmash of things I have.

He said he was so comfortable around me, we talk about everything and anything, blah blah blah.

he decided to date another woman instead.

from where I am now though I can see that i'd have just been the rebound (hes split from this woman twice. Already had a big falling out after just a few months dating) I would be miserable with him. he doesnt know who he is or what he really wants. That he's so emotionally broken I don't want to be the woman to fix him. Im no longer a fixer.

Perspective helps. And muting them on social media though the commenting on my stuff still gets me. I keep doing what I'm doing. I have a feeling he regrets his choice now. I don't.

AhhhhHotelBlisss Mon 20-Nov-17 00:05:41

Aw thanks but I doubt it! We live in differeng cities and he has never really messaged me or anything like that despite obviously having me on social media and having my number. I also was chatting to my friend tonight idly and jokingly asked if she knew any men she could set me up with - she works with mainly women and genuinely thought but then said she didn’t really know any - this makes me think that he probably doesn’t like me. They are very close and I’m sure he would have mentioned it to her if he did. Men aren’t stupid are they - they will normally try to get what they want!! Added to this he has many friends who are girls (still a uni student) who are absurdly attractive - im not sure I’m his type.

In a perfect world I would love to see him again soon and properly get to know him a bit better, but this is unlikely as we live far away. Ideally he would ask me out (!) but again extremely unlikely.

AhhhhHotelBlisss Mon 20-Nov-17 00:06:54

Oh JetCity - sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, what a prick! Well done for staying strong, I’m sure he regrets his choice now but you sound too good for him anyway

Nettletheelf Mon 20-Nov-17 00:11:40

Sounds like you are making it more dramatic than it needs to be (sorry). You fancy him but for various reasons it ain’t gonna happen. Don’t ‘miss’ him or moon over him.

If he’s still at university and you’re only a bit older then don’t waste your early twenties pining for some bloke you’ve never even kissed.

Get out there and meet other men. Sow many seeds. Have several boyfriends. Now is the time to do it!

JetCityWoman Mon 20-Nov-17 00:12:14

fantasise OP. its fine! Tbh don't date a uni student. Often broke. Often hungover. It would be a good for a couple of months then fizzle out. grin

yes! I wised up to it. He split from his wife of 10 years so a bit of a prick but understandable given his history and the end of the relationship wasn't pleasant for either of them (repeat miscarriages etc) so theres a lot of healing and grief hence him not knowing what he wants.

I'm not fixing that. not touching that. Got my own demons to deal with first grin

AhhhhHotelBlisss Mon 20-Nov-17 00:16:20

Thanks! In fairness he is in his last year and is older than the average student without giving too much away - im only a couple of years older than him. I am certainly making it more dramatic than it is (sorry! Just wallowing wink) but I really want something to happen

Nettletheelf Mon 20-Nov-17 00:20:49

Give yourself two days to wallow then draw a line. You know the cliche: the best way to get over one man is to get under another. Crude but accurate. Your mate’s brother might get keener on you when he sees that you are out and about with other blokes are weird like that.

AhhhhHotelBlisss Mon 20-Nov-17 00:25:02

I will thanks - would you read anything into the fact is dsis (my friend) didn’t say anything about him being an “option” as a sure fire sign he’s not interested? Not sure how to take it sad

lalliella Mon 20-Nov-17 00:26:36

Faint heart never won fair fella OP! Go for it. What have you got to lose? You’ve got a whole lot of happiness to gain.

Nettletheelf Mon 20-Nov-17 00:28:00

If he’s interested he’ll let you know. By messaging you, for example. Don’t ask your friend to put a good word in, or anything like that. Just concentrate on being fabulous and having fun, then you’ll meet somebody who really likes you.

cattychatty Mon 20-Nov-17 00:29:31

Maybe she just didn’t think of her younger brother. I couldn’t see how anyone would be interested in my brother who was 3 yrs younger he was disgusting.

AhhhhHotelBlisss Mon 20-Nov-17 00:35:30

Nettle I do appreciate what you’re saying but he was fairly flirty when we met - eg he made funny remarks when I inadvertently teased him, ended up spending whole day with us when he actually had plans (which he cancelled)... he also invited me to another event a few weeks after which he then couldn’t make for legitimate reasons. And has since been active on social media commenting jokily on my posts?!

buggeritall Mon 20-Nov-17 00:40:47

Just joke oh your brother isnt single is he? And gage her reaction

She may not even have considered her snotty brother as a dateable option. I wouldn't!

Did have one friend comment on my brother and decided I'd hate her as a SIL grin but had it been any other friend I'd probably not have minded just been a little surprised

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