We had problems before but now I can’t even find the emotional energy to work out what’s going wrong between us now that I’m a week away from having our second baby, my first it is becoming clear has asd. I just can’t take his moodiness and his lack of connection with me and his using the way I talk to him as an excuse to be moody and withholding. I hate arguing around my child and whilst my child is in another room. It’s too hard. Even now he’s trying to help me now he realises finally how hard it’s been - he helps but he’s not giving i.y.s.w.i.m. After a day hearing the same story recited about 50 times ( echolalia) and just the claustrophobia of being pregnant and pretty much trapped in the house and all the drudgery of chores and high pitched screaming and asking husband to help with things but no real warmth between us I feel desperate. I have no energy for him and I think he’s cruel to be so argumentative with me. I’m terrified of the future both with him and without him. There is no break either, we have no family nearby, we have no friends in terms of being invited anywhere, no one to babysit. It just feels too hard. I feel desperate.
Late pregnancy is a difficult time, especially with young children to look after so you can't relax in the same way first time. Whilst I'm not ignoring what you say I'm wondering if some of it is due to circumstances, exhaustion. H needs to step up, do more and be more supportive by the sound of things.
Equally you can assess your options and gather together info for if you do leave him.
This is a demanding time of change, I would caution against making a significant decision now.
Have you ever just wanted to bolt even though you love your child? I find marriage and domestic life so claustrophobic and marriage is so hard when like me you like being in your own and are not good always at reading other people. Does anyone else ever look at their life and think “what the hell have I done? I’ve really made my bed?” I used to have s nice life and although I love my child he really is my only pleasure now.
OP I could have written this. I think when a child has SN it magnifies everything a million times and you just don’t have time for any other shit to put it frankly. There’s a reason the divorce rate with couples who have SN kids is 95% or something ridiculous like that. Both my kids have ASD, GDD and SPD. ExH and I split 19 months ago and actually life is EASIER. I’m not saying leave him I’m just sympathising and saying everything you feel is normal and don’t feel guilty about it. It takes a long time to accept that this is how it is and to be honest I’m still not 100% there. I know it seems a long way off but when they start school things will ease up a little, for me me it’s the constant screaming and repeating etc I swear it’s a form of torture. Whereabouts do you live? X
Dodgyend I love in London. I can’t move closer to family/ friends as my husband would have to find a new job and that’s not practical at the moment. Then again family are not really able to help and I have not heard much from old friends since I became so exhausted and no fun to be around.