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AIBU to think life would be easier without him

(13 Posts)
TellMama28 Sun 19-Nov-17 19:02:42

We had problems before but now
I can’t even find the emotional energy to work out what’s going wrong between us now that I’m a week away from having our second baby, my first it is becoming clear has asd. I just can’t take his moodiness and his lack of connection with me and his using the way I talk to him as an excuse to be moody and withholding. I hate arguing around my child and whilst my child is in another room. It’s too hard. Even now he’s trying to help me now he realises finally how hard it’s been - he helps but he’s not giving i.y.s.w.i.m. After a day hearing the same story recited about 50 times ( echolalia) and just the claustrophobia of being pregnant and pretty much trapped in the house and all the drudgery of chores and high pitched screaming and asking husband to help with things but no real warmth between us I feel desperate. I have no energy for him
and I think he’s cruel to be so argumentative with me. I’m terrified of the future both with him and without him. There is no break either, we have no family nearby, we have no friends in terms of being invited anywhere, no one to babysit. It just feels too hard. I feel desperate.

TheSkyAtNight Sun 19-Nov-17 19:43:48

This sounds very hard and you sound very low. Can you talk to your HV, GP or midwife about support?

StripeyDeckchair Sun 19-Nov-17 19:47:43

Late pregnancy is a difficult time, especially with young children to look after so you can't relax in the same way first time.
Whilst I'm not ignoring what you say I'm wondering if some of it is due to circumstances, exhaustion. H needs to step up, do more and be more supportive by the sound of things.

Equally you can assess your options and gather together info for if you do leave him.

This is a demanding time of change, I would caution against making a significant decision now.

TellMama28 Sun 19-Nov-17 19:59:40

Have you ever just wanted to bolt even though you love your child? I find marriage and domestic life so claustrophobic and marriage is so hard when like me you like being in your own and are not good always at reading other people. Does anyone else ever look at their life and think “what the hell have I done? I’ve really made my bed?” I used to have s nice life and although I love my child he really is my only pleasure now.

Pickleypickles Sun 19-Nov-17 20:16:50

I have no advice sorry OP, it sounds like youre having a really tough time have you spoken to your midwife/GP about how you feel?
Hopefully someone better will be along soonflowers

TheDodgyEnd Sun 19-Nov-17 20:21:51

OP I could have written this. I think when a child has SN it magnifies everything a million times and you just don’t have time for any other shit to put it frankly. There’s a reason the divorce rate with couples who have SN kids is 95% or something ridiculous like that.
Both my kids have ASD, GDD and SPD. ExH and I split 19 months ago and actually life is EASIER. I’m not saying leave him I’m just sympathising and saying everything you feel is normal and don’t feel guilty about it. It takes a long time to accept that this is how it is and to be honest I’m still not 100% there. I know it seems a long way off but when they start school things will ease up a little, for me me it’s the constant screaming and repeating etc I swear it’s a form of torture. Whereabouts do you live? X

hmmmmm Sun 19-Nov-17 20:25:22

Would you be able to move nearer supportive friends/family?

TellMama28 Sun 19-Nov-17 22:44:20

Dodgyend I love in London. I can’t move closer to family/ friends as my husband would have to find a new job and that’s not practical at the moment. Then again family are not really able to help and I have not heard much from old friends since I became so exhausted and no fun to be around.

hmmmmm Mon 20-Nov-17 04:43:29

I meant without dh

ZombieVampireHedgehog Mon 20-Nov-17 05:33:29

Are there any support groups you can go to so you can meet people in your situation with DC?

MrKaplan Mon 20-Nov-17 07:52:00

High divorce rate is a myth. Please don’t push that, it just makes people feel worse.
I don’t know how to link to the study disproving that here’s the URL.

www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20100519/autism-famlies-high-divorce-rate-is-a-myth

MrKaplan Mon 20-Nov-17 07:52:33

Oh it linked itself blush

Bibbidee Mon 20-Nov-17 07:57:02

Sounds like you need to properly vent to him, have it out away from your LO.?

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