Genuinely don't know if I'm AIBU - comments about DC

[puglife15]

So this weekend we had a GP visiting and they said the following:

That DC1 (4) has picked up (undesirable in their eyes) local accent and his cousins who go to private school now sound so posh (previously has said how nicely they speak)

That DC1 gurns awfully when he talks and how they hope he grows out of it as no one will want to go out with him when he's older, followed by impression of him when he's older saying "will you go out with me?" while doing really OTT pulling faces (he has IMO a wonderfully expressive face, i wouldn't describe it as gurning)

That DC1's farts stink and moving away from him. He's had a tummy bug last week and was letting some real stinkers off to be fair.

I can't work out if I'm being really oversensitive taking offence and being pissed off or whether these are pretty harmless comments. All said in front of DC if that makes any difference.

[MarmaladeAtkinsX]

YANBU. Your poor DS.

I think I would have told them to be quite or leave, what nasty things to say. They're not just snobs they're callous.

[Bluntness100]

It sounds like they have been very insensitive.

To be fair if he stinks he stinks, I wouldn’t expect them to sit there and politely ignore it.

As for the gurning and accent,I would also say there are better ways to address any concerns they have about the way he is developing.

[Bambamber]

Was it failed attempt at humour or was they actually being serious?

Either way I would think it's inappropriate being said actually in front of your child. I think I would be annoyed as well

[Ecureuil]

The accent thing sounds familiar, my IL’s make very similar comments. All the time. It’s tedious.
The gurning comments are disgusting. Poor DS.
The smell... if this was a child of my acquaintance I’d just discreetly try and get up and move away rather than make rude comments. They sound very impolite.

[puglife15]

They hate the fact he might not have an RP accent, I'm probably oversensitive about this over things that happened to me in childhood over the way I spoke.

The gurning thing I did say at the time that I thought it was sweet and he has a lovely expressive face.

It was all said in a lighthearted but serious way, passive agressive basically.

[puglife15]

The problem I have is that at the time I can either bottle it up or explode. I struggle to say something reasoned and calm at the time so say nothing or something a bit weak. DH says nothing. It pisses me off.

[TwitterQueen1]

I can't believe this is a real post OP. On the offchance that it is, why aren't you just laughing at them? This is utterly ridiculous. And I don't believe for a minute that GPs are talking about a 4 year old's farts....

[Ecureuil]

Why don’t you think it’s real?

[puglife15]

What do you mean TwitterQueen do you think AIBU to not like these comments? I didn't laugh because I don't find it funny when people take the Mickey out of my child's way of talking tbh.

[Notevilstepmother]

I was about to suggest a complaint when I realised you meant grandparents not GP doctor!

The comments are generally quite rude, but I think it’s best to ignore them and not react to them. Maybe say to the kids, oh Granny does say some funny things doesn’t she and make a joke of it.

[RebeccaCloud9]

Twitter I'm assuming gp for grandparents rather than a medical GP. Much more likely to discuss the farts!

[puglife15]

Oh haha yes not General Practitioner!

[whoareyoukidding]

Your GP sounds horrible. If I were you I would go low contact and also plan along with your DH some cutting passive aggressive remarks that you can make back. That's if you continue to let it bother you. Alternatively you could refuse to let it affect you at all and ignore the silly beggar/s.

[TwitterQueen1]

A child/toddler of 4 has no control over bodily functions or awareness of whether they might be offensive or not. For a GP to comment on this (if true) demonstrates a total, complete lack of empathy with a small child. It's also hardly a topic of conversation. I suppose you might possibly, with a wink at the parent, pass a jocular comment, but that would be it. Unless you were entirely stupid you wouldn't pass judgment on the child because of it.

Likewise with the 'gurning'. All children do this. It is entirely normal. Maybe the GP has no close experience of children or has forgotten all this child stuff? Nevertheless I find it a stretch to believe that someone would actually say what the OP says they did. The GP would have to be stupid of the highest echelon to remark on this completely normal behaviour.

The RP thing is the only point that has some credence. But to have an awareness of this and then to comment on it, would imply a level of intelligence / awareness that is just not supported by the GP's comments on the other 2 points.

[Ecureuil]

Why the hell would the OP make it up?

[SureJan]

I thought you meant doctor too at first!

They sound so mean & I'd be upset too OP. I don't care if I sound soft/sensitive, there's no need at all to take the mick out of an innocent child, & he especially doesn't need it from his grandparents who he's supposed to be able to look up to & feel safe around.

I'd have probably gone too far & told them to STFU!

[TwitterQueen1]

OP. I am not passing judgment on you or your child. IMHO your child is entirely normal. What I'm struggling with, assuming this is a real post, is the utter stupidity of the grandparent. I am finding it difficult to believe that someone could be so stupid....

[scaryteacher]

I can switch between broad bumpkin (home is the West Country) and RP at the drop of a hat. I used to have a Scottish accent as a child when we lived there, but it soon disappeared when we moved south again. Just ignore the GPS....accents and dialects distinguish us.

[Candlelight234]

Accent - very unreasonable
Facial expression - unreasonable
Farting - reasonable, you should have told him to stop.

[Ttbb]

I am so stupid...I thought you meant GP as in general prectitioner rather than grandparent. Ok, right well let's put it this way, it's not uncommon for grandparents to voice their concerns (I don't think it's unreasonable to be co corned about a child speaking with an accent in their native tounge, this isn't 1800) but the way that they did it was rude. These things should always be handled very delicately. Concerned family member should take parent that they are closest t and say something along the lines of 'I hope that I'm not over stepping the mark but I'm worried about X blah blah blah'. The fart thing just seems immature and unnecessary. YANBU

[bringbacksideburns]

Are they your parents?

[Bearfrills]

Why wouldn't the OP be genuine? TwitterQueen some of my in-laws are absolute dicks to the point that we've been NC for four years. The things the OP has posted about are the sorts of things that they would do.

[FizzyWaterAndElderflower]

God, they should meet my four year old then - the expressions on the face, the farting, the weird accent (live abroad) OP - ignore it and laugh whilst looking adoringly at him (I'm sure that part won't be hard.. well.. unless he's just done something particularly stinky)

In fact, teach him some new trick - arm pit squelches or something equally hideous (mine can lick his own nostrils for instance) and get him to demonstrate to them next time they visit.

[puglife15]

TwitterQueen I assure you it's all real and from the same person.

Not one of my parents no. Although not sure what difference that makes really except maybe would expect DH to say something to them rather than me?

I don't think it's reasonable to expect a 4 year old not to fart, especially when he's got a tummy issue, but I did ask him to try to go to the loo before farting if he can feel it coming. TBH I don't blame anyone commenting on this but felt the point was a bit laboured. but then I've got a cold so can't smell it very well

I do mostly ignore it, but afterwards it plays on my mind and I worry about longer term the damage to my child's self esteem hearing his GPs saying disparaging things about the way he speaks and his (perfectly normal IMO, for his age at least) facial expressions. Or at best feeling self conscious about it.

Part of me wants to tackle it, but it would probably set off WW3....

[missmoz]

Not sure a 4 year old can really choose to stop farting if they have a tummy bug Candlelight...