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Aibu to feel I'm just painfully average?

(133 Posts)
DavidBeckhamsleftfoot Sun 19-Nov-17 15:23:40

Just that really.

I'm never going to be the one with the important well earning job. I'm never going to be the funniest or the cleverest. As I get older I realise that really there is no hope for success for myself and I should focus my attention on my DC so I can give them the springboard to help achieve whatever they wish in their own lives. Probably not explained it very well here, but I just feel like I'm not here for anything!

Gruach Sun 19-Nov-17 15:25:44

Is there one particular thing you've always longed to do?

lovelyjubilly Sun 19-Nov-17 15:25:53

Why do you feel you have to be the best at something? Do you think it would make you happy if you were?

Angelwendy Sun 19-Nov-17 15:26:09

Don't feel like that. Everyone has things that make them special. It doesn't always have to be success with work or good looks or money. Maybe you're a great mum, a wonderful friend and a loving partner?

DorisDangleberry Sun 19-Nov-17 15:26:25

Now, if you were DavidBeckhamsrightfoot you would be a world beater. But as the mere left foot, I am afraid you are destined to a life in the shadows of the more celebrated counterpart

DavidBeckhamsleftfoot Sun 19-Nov-17 15:27:39

Doris grin cheered me up!!

centreyoursoul Sun 19-Nov-17 15:27:50

Please don’t try to live vicariously through your children. It will put them under pressure.
Let them be themselves. Sure facilitate their lives in anyway you can, but don’t try to mould them into being something just because you want to be the best hmm

Ttbb Sun 19-Nov-17 15:28:02

If it makes you feel any better most people are in the same boat. You don't have to be outstanding in any respect. All you ought to be is a good person, that's enough.

FizzyWaterAndElderflower Sun 19-Nov-17 15:28:06

Isn't that the point of average? That most of us are? Doesn't mean that you can't enjoy your life and have to sacrifice it for your kids.

My aunts used to love spending their spare time making crafty stuff for Christmas. To be honest, none of it was very good, decidedly average - but they enjoyed making it, I and I enjoyed receiving something that they'd put their thought and work into.

For every person on TV (whether real or fictional) doing something heroic or amazing, there's 100 people just living their lives, pottering in the garden, going to Asda once a week, cup of coffee in the morning, glass of wine at night, taking the dog for a walk.

There's nothing wrong with average, relax and enjoy it.

DorisDangleberry Sun 19-Nov-17 15:30:08

If you look in the mirror you can pretend you are DavidBeckhamsrightfoot

brasty Sun 19-Nov-17 15:30:15

The truth is nearly everyone is average, except to those who love us. But that does not mean our achievements are not important. I have a chronic illness and went on a 6 mile hike last weekend. To many no big deal, but for me to walk that far is a big deal. I am also baking a cake at the moment. I will never win any awards for my baking, but am proud of the baking I do.

FizzyWaterAndElderflower Sun 19-Nov-17 15:30:22

Having said all that, if you feel like doing something off the wall, then do it - perhaps you'll discover a hidden talent for watercolours or that you're a whizz at go-kart racing, or making little dolls out of old tights - who knows.

It's not over until it's over (I understand that's a football saying ;) )

DavidBeckhamsleftfoot Sun 19-Nov-17 15:30:39

Nothing in particular. More lots of things. Just wish I was able to say I was 'insert fabulous profession here!'

Rather than part time everything. Feel like a jack of all trades, master of none and have no achievements of my own after almost 30 years on the planet. Quite a sobering thought!

brasty Sun 19-Nov-17 15:31:07

You do not have to be the best at something, to be proud of what you achieve.

MakeItRain Sun 19-Nov-17 15:31:19

When my dad was dying, he was talking about his sports outings with his friends. He had so many photos, and he was upset talkibg about them saying "what was the point". (He also said lovely things, so not all sad).
I didn't know what to say at the time, but after he died I thought "the point was you made your friends happy, you're a kind, funny man and my relationship with you has touched and improved my life. Hopefully that love and laughter will touch my children's lives, and they will go on to make good relationships and improve the lives of those they meet."
I know it sounds a bit trite, but I think the important things are not being the best at things, but being loving and kind and making people feel good about themselves. Because that feeling can spread and touch the lives of many.

DavidBeckhamsleftfoot Sun 19-Nov-17 15:32:51

Centre, believe me, no pressure put on them. I'm very laid back, just committed to making sure they have opportunities I never did. I don't want anything for them that they don't want, but once they know what that is, I'm there, I'm in and I'll do everything in my power to support them.

brasty Sun 19-Nov-17 15:33:30

What do you want to do OP? What are your dreams?

DayKay Sun 19-Nov-17 15:36:36

You sound like you want more out of life.
Just go for what you want.
Go on a course, go and explore your world, go read books, watch quality tv and listen to good broadcasts, go ride bikes, run 5km or hike hills.
Just go and do more.

DavidBeckhamsleftfoot Sun 19-Nov-17 15:37:37

Right now?

I want to write. I'd love to go back to college. Just could not fit it in to life at the moment. It's always 'one day.' Just made me think, maybe I'm not meant to do anything but what I'am doing already.

pallisers Sun 19-Nov-17 15:38:01

You are only 30! You have years left to do all sorts of things and they don't have to be amazing either. Just be yourself and live a life like the rest of us.

No one has ever heard of my dad but he will be remembered for being funny, lovely, kind and different. My mum never worked after the age of 32. So what? She was great. Don't put a burden on your children to be exceptional - they already are just by being themselves (Dh's dad did this and his children didn't like it one bit)

One of the parents of a boy in my son's class won a Nobel prize a few years back. If I gave you his name, you wouldn't know who the hell he was.

Also I give you the closing lines of Middlemarch (my favourite lines from a book)

But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea Sun 19-Nov-17 15:39:02

Most people are average. that is what average means.

But with that attitude you aren't going to even hit average.

brasty Sun 19-Nov-17 15:39:36

What about joining a creative writing group?

EastMidsMummy Sun 19-Nov-17 15:40:31

Most of us are average, by definition. Most of us don't have top jobs or top incomes. Many of us are still very happy, overall. You need to discover how to be happy with who you are, not what you have.

RemainOptimistic Sun 19-Nov-17 15:41:29

I feel like you OP. I see my future and there's no big promotions, no huge impact I'll get a chance make on the world. Just me pootling along cooking, cleaning, trying to be friendly to strangers, being a friend to fellow mums.

I fear dying with the music still inside me. In my case some of it is literal music that I will never play. Some of it is metaphorical music.

I think to counter that feeling requires taking risks. Even small ones. So much pressure in life to stay safe, sane, normal. But the fear of a life unlived haunts me.

You're not the only one!

brasty Sun 19-Nov-17 15:41:43

You want to be a writer. You need to work towards that goal.

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